Sometimes love is just a four letter word
by ThoughtsAreMeantToBeLetOut
Summary: The minute you think about giving up, remember the reason why you held on for so long. Then, decide if it's still worth fighting for. Love, it can mean so many different things to so many different people.
1. Chapter 1

**Currently in the process of writing another multi chaptered story (Stelena though) so bear with me on the update front.  
I'll try to update both stories at least once a week. This story is mostly going to be written from a one sided person, meaning Rachel. But, it can change when the story evolves. Please keep in mind that English is not my native language and that there can be (minor, I hope) errors. Enjoy!**

Seeing him, if only it was for those five seconds, brought back every single memory she had safely tucked away in the back of her mind.  
One look from him and all the feelings came fluttering back.  
Shit, she still loved him. Darn it, some things never change!

She had to remind herself to focus. It was not that he was still interested in her. The cold look he gave her when he saw her took away all doubt.  
And, could she really blame him? She cheated on him: she broke his heart, twice!  
Granted, she hadn't heard from him in two months and damn that Brody for keep telling her that she looked sexy.  
That's what every insecure girl wants to hear, right?  
She should have guest then and there that he was just another guy wanting to get in her pants. She still suffers the consequences for that, daily.  
She never actually slept with him, but she came pretty darn close.

So, Finn finally decided to move on. She had no right to have any feelings about that whatsoever, but she does.  
She really hates to admit it because she shouldn't be but she's still deeply and madly in love with him.  
It took straying and finding herself again to figure that out. But, It doesn't matter he moved on!  
Just because she saw him for a split second in a bar in NYC and her heart litterly skipped a beat, doesn't mean there's a chance for them.  
He probably doesn't even want to talk to her let alone be friends.  
She's not sure why he is in New York anyway; last she heard he was back in Lima teaching Glee. That reminds her, she better ask Kurt what that's all about anyway. She's pretty sure he knows.  
Kurt might be her best friend but he also happens to be Finn's stepbrother.

XXXXX

"_Kurt, can we talk?"_ She shouted out the moment she entered the apartment. An upbeat singing voice coming from the side of the house told her that he was in the kitchen _"Berry! Want coffee?" _She shook her head, she wasn't in the mood for coffee, and she needed answers.  
_ "I saw Finn today"_ She was never one to beat around the bush, and had no intention to start now.  
Kurt clearly didn't see that one coming cause he had just spit some of his coffee back in his mug and was looking at her with a confused look.  
_"Come again? When? Where?"_ He was firing question at her in rapid speed. _"Just about an hour ago in the hells bar over at main street"_ Kurt's facial expression changed and she knew her best friend well enough to know he was keeping something from her  
_"So far for keeping his distance"_ His voice may have been a whisper but she totally heard that and wasn't planning on letting it go.  
_"What the hell does that mean?"_ It was right then and there that she realized he definitely knew something. First of all he had guilt written all over his face and second of all Finn was his fucking stepbrother, they told each other practically everything.  
_"You might want to sit down for this one, Rachel"_ the seriousness in his voice was kind of freaking her out already but she pulled out a stool and sat down  
_"I kind of promised Finn I wouldn't say anything but-" _Wait, what? Finn made Kurt promise something and Kurt went along with it? Well that's a first  
_"Rachel, do you want to hear it or not?"_ Kurt's loud voice snapped her back to reality. Off course she wanted to hear it so she nodded

_"Okay, here goes nothing. After you broke up with him Finn went back to Lima. asked him to take over Glee club for a couple of months. Finn thought it would be a good distraction so he accepted. I guess that the experience made him realize his true passion, teaching. So he applied to schools around the country and he got accepted at Julliard and I guess that's why you saw him. He's moving to New York_"  
Wow, so many thoughts were going through her mind right now. Finn's becoming a teacher? He got accepted to Julliard?  
He's moving to New York? What the hell  
Why didn't she know about any of this?  
_"Hhhhe's moving to New York_?" Her stuttering didn't hide the fact that she was actually genuinely surprised. _"Guess so, yes"_ She was desperately hoping that her initial feeling of shock didn't show on her face because the last thing she wanted to do was show Kurt that she was upset about this  
_"When? Was he ever going to let me know?"_ There were a million questions bugging her brain right now _"He's looking for a place to stay and classes start next month. And no, he wasn't on planning on telling you. Hell Rachel, why should he? He doesn't owe you anything. You dumped him, remember?" _  
Kurt was being painfully honest, like always, but he was right. She was the one who had officially called it quits after the whole Brody incident.  
She knew she needed time alone to find herself again. He didn't owe her anything and he probably thought that the city would be big enough to avoid confrontation. That was maybe what hurt the most; he had no intention on telling her he was living in the same city. But she wasn't giving up that easy. They are bound to see each other every now and then.  
He's living in New York and it might be a big city, but not that big. And, to top it off she was living with his stepbrother. Surely he wasn't going to ignore him.  
_"How were the two of you planning on keeping this from me?"_ She didn't mean to sound so spiteful but she was really hurt by the fact that her best friend would keep that from her.  
_"Finn said that there were enough places where we could meet without running in to you_" Really? Did Kurt actually agree to this?  
_"And you were more than okay with keeping this from me? I can't believe you Kurt! I thought we were friends"_ Without thinking she took her coat and stormed out the door. she can't believe that he would do that to her. Both of them for that matter.  
Did Finn really not want to have anything to do with her anymore? Where the years they spend together happy and in love just a distant memory for him? A memory he would like to forget?  
Well, fine, if that is what he wants than that is what he's going to get.  
Rachel Berry would under no circumstance be presence in Finn Hudson's life.  
For all she cared he didn't actually move here and was still back in Lima. In fact, she would ask Kurt to make a list of places where they plan to 'hang out' so that she can avoid those places.  
That probably meant that Starbucks would be off limits because if she remembered correctly Finn Hudson loved his coffee in the morning. O well, it wasn't morning right now and she could really use a pick me up. So, she picked up her pace and strutted towards Starbucks.

XXXXX

Sitting in the overcrowded café she couldn't help but feel the anger rebuilt in her body.  
Who the hell was Finn Hudson to tell her not to go to her favorite places just because he didn't want to see her or be around her? She moved to New York first. It wasn't someone's property and she would be damned if she would let an ex boyfriend drive her away from her favorite places.  
_"Is this seat taken?"_ She got brutally ripped out of her thoughts by a familiar voice.  
No, it wasn't just a familiar voice she would recognize that voice out of a million different once.  
She looked up into the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. It had been a long time since she had seen those and damn, how she had missed those eyes.  
_"Finn, what are you doing here?"_ Her mind was working overtime.  
Why was he here? Why was he even talking to her? If it was up to him he wouldn't give her the time of day  
_"I'm guessing you already know that Kurt called me"_ What, Kurt called him? Well, thanks for nothing she figured.  
_"So? What do you want? A list of all the places I usually go to with the times and day's I visit them so that you can avoid running into me?"_ Ha! That should shut him up. She gave him the option. She patiently waited for his answer  
_"Rachel, do you really have to be so bitter about this?"_ Huh? Bitter? her? She thought she just gave him what he asked for  
_"Just trying to accommodate to your needs, Finn. You were the one who wanted to avoid me!"_ She hoped that the angry tone in her voice would come through, she wasn't planning on letting him get away with it that easy  
_"Geez,Rach. New York really did change you_" What the hell? Was he trying to pick a fight with her or something? He knew that hearing her nickname would get to her. She gave him her stern look.  
_"Well, maybe you should think twice about moving here then! Wouldn't want the unique Finn Hudson go changing on us or run into his crazy ex girlfriend all the time. That would be like the worst thing in the world, to run into the person that you loved for so long. That would kill you! Wouldn't want that to happen to our precious Finny would we_" She was spitting everything at him at rapid speed and she could tell that her words affected him because she saw him burying his face in his hands  
_"I can't do this, Rachel. This is exactly why I wanted to stay away from you"_ What the hell did he mean by that? This whole situation doesn't make any sense to her whatsoever.  
_"What? Why?"_ Suddenly she watched him stand up and she swore she could see tears in his eyes  
_"Because it hurts too freaking much"_ and with those words he ran out the door leaving her speechless. What did that mean? It hurt too much? Does that mean he still cares? Her mind was twirling.  
Off course he doesn't care, it just means that the memories of them together still hurt and seeing her would just bring back everything.  
Okay, maybe making that list wouldn't be such a bad thing after all. After all she had been the one that hurt him so badly and she felt like she had no right to interfere in his new life here.

**So, that's the first chapter. If you made it through the end without cringing at my horrible writing skills would you please be a doll and leave a review then?  
Thank you.  
Till next time! **


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel let herself into the loft she shared with Kurt and looked around

_"Kurt, are you home?"_ She didn't hear anything besides the quiet humming of the refrigerator. Apparently Kurt was out.  
She picked up her phone and dialed his number, he picked up after the second ring

_"Rachel, I can't really talk right now"_ His voice was low and soft and she had to strain her ears to hear what he was saying. She swore she could hear music in the background. To say that she was suspicious was an understatement; Kurt never went out on a weeknight

_"Where are you?"_ She knew she sounded nosy but she really didn't care.  
She needed to talk to him

_"Uhm, can't really tell you"_ What? Why not? Oh, wait. She knew exactly why not. Well, he wasn't going to get away with it that easy

_"It's because you're with Finn, right?" _The silence on the other end of the line confirmed her suspicions.

Kurt and Finn were hanging out together, on a weeknight no less. She wasn't supposed to be jealous about that but deep down she was. Kurt was her best friend and they always spend their weeknights together lounging on the couch watching Funny Girl or Chicago or whatever other musical movie they were in the mood for  
_  
"Look Rachel, I don't want to fight with you. Can we just talk later_?"  
She huffed. Was he seriously brushing her off right now? She couldn't believe it, the nerve of him. She was just about to hang up and drown in her sorrows before a thought occurred to her, this could be the perfect opportunity to see Finn and give him a piece of her mind

_"Where are you? I need to talk to the both of you_?" She knew that Kurt wasn't going to tell her where they were but she didn't need him to.  
She just needed him to stay on the phone a little longer to figure out from the background noise where they were.

_"Don't think that's the best idea, Rachel. Got to go. See you later_"

Ha, mission accomplished. She would recognize that music from everywhere. The perks of living in a place like New York was the fact that there were many bars and clubs but each had practically their own style of music to define them.  
She grabbed her coat and hurried to her destination.

XXXXX

When she finally arrived at the bar she was suddenly extremely nervous. For a minute there she thinks that it might even be better to just go home and wait for Kurt there but she knows she has to do this, not just for Finn but for all of them  
She knows it's probably going to break her heart all over again but she takes a deep breath and pushes the door open

_"Fuck"_ She hears the curse word escaping Kurt's lips when he spots her from across the room. Thankfully they don't make an effort to stand up and leave so she pulls herself together and walks over to them

_"Okay, before you guys say anything just hear me out. I'm not here to fight"_ She could tell that Finn was trying really hard not to look at her and that gave her the confidence to go through with it

_"Look Finn, I'm not going to fight you over this. You were right and I'm sorry_" His eyes meet hers the moment she says those words and she slides her piece of paper towards him.

His brows raise and she knows from experience that it means that he's confused_ "What's this?"_  
That's a question she anticipated but she wasn't going to simply answer him so she just cast her eyes towards the piece of paper and points at it.  
The moment his eyes scan the pages she knows she can't be in close proximity with him much longer so she gives them both a small smile before making her way to the exit.

_"Rachel, you don't have-"_  
She cuts him off with her stare because she knows what he's about to say and as much as a part of her wants to hear it, the bigger part of her knows it would be a lie. This is the best thing for both of them

_"If Finn Hudson wants a New York life without Rachel Berry than that's what he'll get"_  
She has to turn around quickly to hide the tears streaming down her face and as she walks to the door she turns around one last time to look at the one true love she ever had in her life, probably seeing him for the last time.

_"Goodbye Finn, I hope New York is good to you"_ She whispers and when his eyes meet hers she feels her heart break into a million pieces and her world comes crashing down once again.  
This was going to take a little while to recover from, she could feel it.

XXXXX

Why the hell was she so freaking sad? She did the right thing and it was not like she hadn't survived the previous six months without him. But the thought of him in the same city and just not talking or see him when he's so close just kills her. She has to keep telling herself that this is what he wants so this is what she needs to do  
it's her own little way of saying she's sorry. And that she truly is. She lost the one person she ever truly loved and she severed all ties with him. She can feel the tears coming and she can't seem to stop them.

A knock on the door makes her pull herself together and as she looks at herself in the mirror to make herself presentable she sighs. She looks like total utter crap and whoever was behind that door would be able to tell.  
For a moment she just thinks that she could just pretend that she's not home and just not open the door. But before she could tell herself that wasn't the best idea and the curiosity got the best of her she saw a piece of paper being slit through the gap below the door.  
She walkes over to it and the minute she picks it up she knows what it is. She opens it up and sees her own list staring back at her with the words 'I'm sorry, it doesn't have to be like this. Please call me, Finn' written on the back of it.

If she wasn't confused before she sure as hell is now. Does this boy like screwing with her head or something? Can't he make up his damn mind?  
She opens the door and is about to walk out when she bumps into someone standing in front of it.  
She looks up and is immediately greeted with the beautiful brown eyes she remembers so well, but they're sad and they are looking down on her

_"I thought you weren't home"_ she hears him say. He doesn't wait for her to invite him in and just walks through the door.  
Okay, well apparently he wants to talk

_"I was contemplating whether or not I wanted to see people_" It was not like she was lying, she really didn't want anyone to see her like this

_"people, or just me?"_ his eyes meet hers and she cann't deny the hurt she feels seeing him so sad.  
Maybe seeing her screwed him up just as bad as seeing him did to her. Maybe she could just talk to him, get everything out in the open and then they could both move on with their lives, separately

_"Finn, this isn't going to work. Just say what you wanted to say and get it over with_" She motions him to sit on the sofa and offers him a glass of coke. He gave her a weak smile and sat down

_"Rachel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you_" She's confused. Why would he think he hurt her? She was more mad than hurt to be honest. And when he sees the confused look on her face he answers the question before she even got the change to ask him _"You forget it know you, Rachel. As much as you try to cover it up you were totally crying and I'm guessing that the list you gave me has everything to do with that"_

She can feel the tears coming again but she bites her lip, she is not willing to let him see her weak, not now, not again, not ever  
_"Why would you say that? I was just trying to give you what you wanted"_

The sigh he let out told her that he was getting agitated _"And how do you figure you know what I want, Rachel?"_  
Okay, can he just stop with the whole Rachel stuff all the time it is seriously giving her goose bumps right now, and not in a good way

_"Maybe because you were planning to live in the same city without __**ever**__ telling me? That's fucked up Finn, even for you!"_ Her words are harsh and she has every intention to hurt him with them but she never expected his reaction

_"Rachel, I wasn't going to keep it from you forever, at least I don't think so_"

She has never seen him so hurt and small and fragile before, it litterly looks like he's going to break down any second. And if she knows Finn he was either on the edge of tears or the edge of losing it and screaming at her and she doesn't think she's ready for either of those options  
_"Do you hear yourself, Finn? You don't __**think**__ you were going to keep it from me forever? You're not even sure about that? Can you honestly say you were not planning on avoiding me in this big city?"_

He stands up and starts pacing back and forth which he only does when he doesn't have an answer to things right away, she knows

_"Please, Finn. I'm not even that hurt anymore. At this point I'm just angry and that will go away eventually. You need to do what's best for you"_ She really hopes that her words will bring him some comfort and direction because she can't stand to see him like this knowing it's because something she did, again.

_"Rachel, please. Don't do this. I don't need your sympathy and I don't know what's best for me anymore"_  
He just looks at her with his sad brown eyes and she doesn't know what to do.

She can feel herself getting extremely annoyed because of all this Rachel crap. Can't he just give her one sentence without dragging her name into it like she's some stranger to him? Like she needs to be reminded that he's talking to her every time he opens his mouth?  
_"Stop with all this __**RACHEL **__nonsense! I know my name thank you very much. And believe me I'm not giving you any sympathy, you are on your own with that one! And if this is how it's going to be like every time we run in to each other I prefer that you take that piece of paper, walk out this door and never look back_" She takes the piece of paper from the counter and throws it at him.

He takes it from the ground forcefully and tears it to pieces _"Damn it, Rachel. Cut out this shit! That is not what I want!" _

Okay, that wasn't really the reaction she was expecting and his next move shockes her even more as she feels him take her hand and tells her to sit down _"Just listen to me, Rach. Please"_  
Hearing her nickname again made her almost crawl in a ball into the corner of the sofa and apparently it showed on her face _"Geez, what do you want me to call you. I can't call you Rach without you cringing and I can't call you Rachel without you getting mad at me. What do you want me to call you then?"_

She shrugged her shoulders, she knows it isn't fair to blow up at him like that over a name but she's just so frustrated at the moment _"Rachel is fine, Finn. I'm sorry_"

He relaxes a little and sits himself down on the other end of the sofa _"I really don't know how to act around you anymore and that maybe is why I just wanted to stay away from you, I guess"_

She was totally getting where he was coming from because she had the exact same problem. She watches him scoot away from her a little further until he just stand up and sits down on the stool next to the sofa. Apparently he's as uncomfortable as she is _"Look, I know this is awkward. But remember it is awkward for the both of us. I really don't know how to be around you either"_

He nods his head and she knows he doesn't know what to say at this point so she thinks long about what to say next _"Okay, I'm going to assume that by tearing up the list that you are not planning on deliberately avoiding me but maybe it's better to not look for each other's company either" _

He looks up at her and she gives him a look of sympathy. She really does feel sorry for the guy. This was just as awkward and new and weird for him as it was for her.

"_I guess what I'm saying is that this_" she points a finger between the two of them _"isn't healthy. I only ran into you twice and both times one of us was either yelling or crying"_ At this point she really just wants to say what she needs to and get him out of her apartment because this was litterly emotionally draining her _"The best thing whe can do here is, just be. I live my life, you live yours and if we run into each other then we try to be civil but we are not going to look for each other's company either. I think that's for the best"_

He nods again and she can tell he is still struggling with his words, he is extremely nervous because he keeps playing with the ends of his sweater shirt.  
_  
"I know Kurt is just as important to you as he is to me and you two should totally hang out and do things together. You can come over to the loft to hang out with him and I will try to stay out of your way as much as possible as you will do the same for me. Does that sound like a deal?"_ She's really proud of herself for the way she is handling this right now. No yelling, no screaming, no throwing things, just her and her, hopefully, soft southing voice trying to reason with her ex-boyfriend to get to a point where they could both agree with the terms.

He locks his eyes with her and gives her a watery smile _"If that's what you want" _

She gives him a questioning look. If this is what she wants? He really doesn't get it, does he? She walks over to where he's sitting, takes his hand and stares into his eyes _"It is not about what I want, or even what you want, it is about what is right for us. And right now being around each other is not good for us"_ She could see the tears behind his eyes and she hopes that he iss not about to cry because then she would just start crying herself all over again and then she wouldn't be able to get her point across.

_"There is no us, Rachel. You made pretty sure I knew that the moment you cheated on me with that Brody dude and dumped my sorry ass"_ His voice didn't sound angry, he just looks and sound so completely hurt and that is when she loses it.

The tears started coming and just like last time she can't do anything to stop it. And maybe, deep down she doesn't want to stop them. She hurt him and he needs to know that she's going to regret the decisions she made for the rest of her life _"I'm so sorry about that, Finn. You have absolutely no idea how freaking sorry I am_" She manages to stutter through her tears

_"I think I do, I get it, Rachel. I really do"_ She could tell that he was trying desperately hard to swallow his own tears but his broken voice gave away his fragile state and she really doesn't understand what he's saying. Why would he get it? How could he possibly know how sorry she was?

_"I think that you wanting to give up your social life in order for me not to run into you says a lot, Rachel"  
_Oh, that. Well, that's one way of looking at it

_"I thought that's what you wanted, just trying to give you what you need_"

And then suddenly she sees the tears falling from the corners of his eyes. Shit, she really didn't want to make him cry. She knew he was on the verge of tears but she really didn't need to see Finn cry. That would break her heart all over again, she hates the fact that she made him cry

_"But what do__** you**__ want or need, Rachel_?" That question blindsides her, and she's not really sure how to answer that. And it isn't really about what she wants or needs. She has no right to ask him for anything

_"I don't know what I want or need when it comes to you, Finn"_ And before she knows it his eyes turn cold and he stands up suddenly and snaps at her.

"_**STOP,** Rachel. Just be honest with me! Say what you have to say and get it over with_" She has never seen him change moods this drastically and she feels like she's looking at a totally different person right now, a person she doesn't recognize.

She has to compose herself and take a couple deep breaths before she answers him because she's afraid she's going to start screaming or say things she doesn't really mean and that wouldn't get them anywhere _"Like I said, I think whe should just stay away from each other as much as possible without either of us compromising our social lives for one another. That means you can hang out with Kurt anytime you want and I can go wherever I want to and so do you"_ She was still trying to regain her composure and wrap her head around what the hell just happened that made him turn stone cold on her

_"Fine, Rachel. If that's what you want"_

And that's what sends her over the edge. That was something he shouldn't have said. It's not about what she wants anymore, it never was. She feels herself becoming angry _"How many times do I have to tell you that's it is not about what I want! It is the best thing right now"_

His eyes are still locked with hers and they both know that this conversation isn't going to get them anywhere if they don't ease up a little.  
She's trying really hard not to completely lose it  
_"Finn, look. I really don't want to fight with you about this. Let's just do the mature thing here and give in to the fact that what we have right now is toxic and we don't need to be around one another"  
_He starts laughing sarcastically and that only infuriates her even more so she just glares at him and puts her hands on her hips

_"We don't __**HAVE**__ anything, Rachel. You made pretty sure of that the moment __**YOU**__ broke up with __**ME!"**_

She was seriously not expecting this reaction and she was getting really sick and tired of his attitude. This conversation was clearly not going anywhere  
_"I'm not doing this. I think you should go. If you want to talk to Kurt or see Kurt just call him and pick him up here or whatever but make sure you stay away from me_" She's full on screaming at him now with the tears still streaming down her face.  
When she opens the door she sees Kurt staring blankly at the both of them.

"_What the hell is going on here?" _ She's still fuming and just casts her look at Finn and the moment Kurt sees his stepbrother she can see it dawns on him "_Oh, hi Finn" _

Finn looks at Kurt then back to her, shrugs his shoulders and murmurs something like _"Just ask __**HER!**__ Talk to you later, little brother_"

Before she knows it, he's out the door, leaving her completely and utterly drained.  
Kurt is looking at her and she can tell that he's at a loss for words. He probably doesn't know what to do. A part of him probably wants to go after his brother and make him explain everything but the other part wants to stay with her and be the friend he probably knows she needs right now.  
When she hears the door to the loft click shut, she sighs a sign of relieve and when he wraps his arms around her she starts sobbing again uncontrollably.

This didn't go quite the way she wanted it to, but then again it was Finn, doesn't everything that revolved around him didn't go the way she wanted it to?  
The most frustrating part about this situation is that she knows that she needs to talk to Kurt about it because he probably heard them screaming. Knowing Kurt he was standing behind that door a lot longer before she opened it and she's not about to lie to her best friend.

When she picks up her head from his shoulder and wipes at her tears she can still see the confusion on his face  
_"What the hell happened this time, Rachel?" _


	3. Chapter 3

**So, here's chapter three. If you want to know more about the stories I post you can always follow me on twitter ( ThoughtsWriter)  
Enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

When she told Kurt about the conversation she had with Finn she wasn't expecting him to laugh in her face but that's exactly what happened and she's speechless. She litterly doesn't know what to say and that doesn't happen often. Rachel Berry is practically never at loss for words.

"_You two are un-be-lievable! You are freaking Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson for crying out loud, nothing is ever 'easy' with you two. Deal with it_!"

She lets the words sink in and she knows that Kurt has a point, but then again doesn't he always? But she just doesn't know what to do about this situation she got them in _"And how do you think we should deal with it_?"

Kurt shakes his head and for once she really hopes for some guidance on his part even though Finn was his stepbrother _"I suggest that first of all you stop with the whole we crap. There is no __we __or __us__ for that matter. You are two individual people with separate lives who happened to be tied together by one person, __**moi**__!"_

She sighs. Fair enough, everything he said was true. But, that doesn't help her much at this point.

"_Berry, listen. My suggestion is to call him, meet on natural grounds and talk. And I don't mean scream, shout and cry talk but talk normally. Lay everything out on the line, no holding back. Get everything from the past out in the open so you can move forward"_

She has to think about this. Is this really an option? Will it work? Can she really have a normal conversation with Finn? She knows she going to have to try, for both of their sakes _"And then what?"  
_  
_"And then you do what you do best, live your life. You are going to see each other because as I told Finn I'm not going to be caught in the middle of this. I if want to play videogames with him I'm going to invite him over, if I want a night out with you I'm going to take you where you want to go. Do you think you can do that, Rachel?"_

She knows she has no choice. She doesn't want Kurt anywhere in the middle of this. Kurt is her best friend but he's also Finn's stepbrother and she's not about to screw up the relationship between them like she did with theirs _"I did love the guy once so I'm pretty sure I can be civil when I need to be"_

She doesn't plan on telling Kurt that through all of it she still loves him because he would have totally snapped and given her a lecture about how morally wrong that would be, and deep down she knows that. But, she also knows that you can't choose who you love; you can't control your heart.

_"Good, now call him and fix what you broke_" Kurt gave her a thumbs up before leaving her be to make that phone call. But that statement raddled her to her core. Fix what she broke? It implied that she ruined everything all by herself and that makes her question how much of the truth Kurt actually knows. But, she wasn't going to get into that now; she had a phone call to make.

* * *

Her shaky fingers pressed the number she memorized by heart and on the second ring she heard someone pick up.

"_Finn Hudson speaking how can I help you?'_"

His husky voice made her heart skip a beat. Damn it, this was going to be hard _"It's me .Rachel. Look, can we talk?"_ She kind of had to force the words out, for some reason she was extremely nervous all of a sudden

"'_Hi Rach-el'_"  
She could tell he was nervous too because he basically called her by her nickname but quickly corrected himself

_"Finn, listen. We need to talk. Meet up somewhere and get everything out in the open. Get the past out of the way so we can be civil around each other. I'm taking Kurt's advice_ here" She didn't know why she had to throw that last bit in there but it managed to get a laugh out of Finn.

She realized that she had missed that laugh more than anything in the world and her thoughts immediately went back to better times.

_"We both know how good my little brother's advice usually is. Wanna meet at Starbucks tomorrow morning? You still drink a mean cup of coffee in the morning don't you?"  
_  
_'Not everything about me is different you know. Tomorrow is fine. About nine-ish?'_

She didn't really mean to snap at him, but it just came out. She still hadn't forgotten about the fact that he called her out on changing so much. She just hoped that this was going to work tomorrow.  
She couldn't even get through one conversation without making snappy remarks

_"fine. Tomorrow around nine at Starbucks it is. Bye Rachel"  
_She heard a loud sigh on the other end of the line before hanging up.  
This wasn't going to be easy.

* * *

When she walked back into the living room Kurt gave her his famous 'spill the beans' look and she couldn't help but smile _"At least there was no screaming or crying this time. The bitter little remarks were still there though. I'm meeting him tomorrow at nine_" and as she said that, it sank in. How is she going to get through a normal conversation with Finn? She had tried before and it didn't work.  
Somehow something always was done or said to upset the other to make it turn into an argument or full blown fight. She can't remember ever fighting like this when we were together. Sure, they had their disagreements or lovers debates but nothing like the past two days.

There was obviously a lot of pain and resentment from the both of them. She was going to take Kurt's advice to heart and lay it all out in the open, cards on the table.  
She knew she was probably going to count to ten on a couple different occasions or just bite her tongue. But, under no circumstance was she going to have another fight with Finn tomorrow, no more, she was done fighting.

* * *

"_So, do you want to start_?" They were sitting in a corner booth at Starbucks and had managed to get their coffees pretty quickly and now it was time to talk.  
Did she want to start? Not really but by the look on his face apparently Finn didn't either.

_" I hated you for what you did, you know_" She knows that it's not the best choice of words to start a conversation with but she wasn't about to hold back now. Everything on the table means everything _"You saw me kiss Brody, ran back home to Lima and cut me out. Never once letting me explain. You shut me out, for good"_

His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated and she could tell he was trying hard to keep himself together  
_"I was young, immature and didn't know how to handle things. When I went to New York to surprise you I wasn't prepared for all of that and it made me run. It sucks when you see the love of your life kissing another dude"_ His voice was calm and she was impressed by his ability to express what he felt back then

_"You __**NEVER **__contacted me after that, Finn. I called, texted and e-mailed you probably a hundred times" _She really just wanted to know how he could just totally alienate her from his life. She knew that seeing her kiss Brody had given a blow to his self esteem but she never imagined him being able to just cut her out of his life like that.

_"Don't really have a clear answer there. I was heartbroken, lost and alone. At first I just really didn't want to talk to you because I didn't want to hear you make excuses for yourself like with Puck. You somehow make me feel guilty, thinking that it was because I wasn't there for you or maybe I had done something wrong and I guess after a while I just started to focus on my own life again and as time passed I just didn't see the point in talking to you anymore"_

She could totally understand where he was coming from. When time passes by somehow you just fall back in to your routines and although you do think about it from time to time you just don't have the guts to pick up the phone and call. She knows that he was the one to cut her out of her life but after a while she stopped trying to contact him too. If she really wanted to have him in her life she could have made more effort. She could have flown back to Lima and make him talk to her, but she didn't. She had a life here in New York and he had a life in Lima. Sometimes things just make you grow apart. She was just curious as to know if he still thought about them from time to time _"Did you completely move on or did you still think about what we had?"_

Their eyes locked and she could see the hurt in them "_Do you think it would affect me this much if I didn't? As much as I tried and believe me I've tried! You were never completely from my mind or heart for that matter"_

She didn't really know what to expect what she asked that question but she did know she didn't expect that answer. She kind of figured he got over her pretty quickly.

"_You left some pretty big shoes to fill for other woman, Rachel. And well- let's not go there"_

She gave him a stern look. Let's not go there? They promised to let everything out. Everything out on the table means everything. No holding back _"Not go there? We promised to be totally honest. Everything out, no more secrets"_

She could tell he was reluctant to continue his story as he let out a huge sigh and ran a hand through his hair _"I realized yesterday after our huge fight that I had one big reason for avoiding you all together and not telling you I was moving to New York_"

To say that she wasn't curious would have been a lie. She wanted to know what he was talking about _"And that is?"_

_"I never truly got over you, Rachel. I may have been the one who eliminated you from my life but I never __**actually**__ did. You were always just there. Other woman never stood a change with me, I compared them to you in every single possible way and that wasn't fair to them but I couldn't help myself. I hoped that by ignoring you in time that feeling would go away and I would be able to live my life normally again"  
_He still had his hands in his hair and she could tell he was frustrated about it. She felt sorry for him, by the looks and sound of it he really did try to live a life without her and it just didn't work.

If only he knew she had the exact same struggle for the last couple months _"I know what you mean, Finn. It's been the same for me. You were everywhere I looked even though I tried my hardest to stop thinking about you and move on and –"_

His harsh voice cut her off and startles her _"Cut the crap Rachel, you DID move on.  
I caught you kissing another dude, remember?"_

This conversation was going in the wrong direction fast and she knew she needed to be honest  
_"Yes Finn, I screwed up. I kissed Brody but don't you think I would much rather have been with you? There is no excuse for what I did and I have no other explanation than he was just there. I felt like we were growing apart because I was moving to New York and you didn't know what to do with your life.  
I was sad and afraid of losing you and that's why I kissed him.  
I know that doesn't make sense because I lost you over that stupid kiss anyway but that's what it was, a stupid kiss" _And that it truly was, a stupid kiss. Nothing more, nothing less. If she would have just been honest with him from the beginning she could have saved them both a lot of heartache. In the end she knew she never even felt anything for Brody; she was just confused and lonely and he was there.  
_"It doesn't matter Rachel because in the end it hurt all the same. You screwed me up big time. You knew how messed up I was the first time you cheated on me with Puck and how much time it took for me to trust you again and then you turn around and do the exact same thing the moment things get hard"_

His voice was soft and calm again and she was just glad that up until this point everything was going extremely well _"I know, Finn. But I don't know what to do or say. Sorry doesn't cut it, I get that. Sorry is just a word and it doesn't make up for what I did and I know I can never fix this but you messed me up too. You have no idea"_

She felt her hand being lifted and he ran his thumb over it and it send a shiver up her spine _"We both messed each other up pretty badly and that's also a part of why I wanted to stay away from you.  
We have a pretty messed up past as it is and I don't want to hurt you any more than I already did back then. But I also realized that it's just not realistic for us to stay away from each other. Because, for some freaking weird reason the universe always has a way of bringing us back together"_

His words hit her like a ton of bricks, they did hurt each other so badly and she was still hurting over it every single day and seeing him sitting opposite from her she was just reminded of how badly they ended things _"Finn, I think we need to move forward. I'm in New York, you are in New York and we are going to meet sometimes. I mean come on, I live with Kurt for god's sake, your stepbrother. And I don't want to stand in the way of your relationship with him. I think it's time to move on" _

She wonders what's going on in his head. There was a time she would have known everything that was going on in his mind, because they were so in sync. But now, seeing him sitting there across from her with this look of hurt and betrayal, she knows that this Finn isn't the same Finn she fell in love with.  
And she can't blame him because she isn't the same person he fell in love with either. They both changed significantly

_"I can't just forgive you like that, Rachel. I'm sorry"_ His words cut through her like a knife. That statement hurt. Deep down she knew he couldn't just forgive her for cheating on him again, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

Suddenly she just feels that she really needs to get out of there and cry.

She looks at him, gives him a weak smile and attempts to stand up but his hands keep her locked down _"I really want to, Rachel. I just-"  
_She know she can't listen to him any longer without bursting into tears and she pulls her hands away and avoids any further eye contact with him _"No Finn, I get it. I have to go_!"

She stands up and starts walking away but his large hand grabs her arm he forces her to turn around  
_"I'm sorry, Rachel. I really am. I hope someday I can"_

All she feels she can do at that point is just nod because she really doesn't know what else to say or do other than to run and cry because she wasn't about to let him see her tears _"I really have to go_"  
She wrestles out of his grip and starts running, the tears streaming down her face.

When she's out of sight she lets herself fall against a store and when she looks at her reflection she can't help but laugh. Rachel Berry, look at you. Finn Hudson had managed to make you cry **again!**

She wonders if they are ever going to regain a normal relationship, whatever the hell that meant. Probably not, he wasn't able to forgive her and she couldn't blame him, she wouldn't blame him.  
She had to focus on the good things from the conversation.  
They told each other what they thought and felt and the next time she saw him she was pretty sure that she would be able to just smile and nod and mind her own business.  
At least that's what she hoped with all her heart.

* * *

**Note: Reviews make for a happy writer :-)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Read and enjoy. For updates you can always check my twitter ThoughtsWriter **

* * *

For the next few weeks she tried to keep her distance but as to everything else revolving Finn Hudson that would be proven to be easier said than done.  
For some weird reason he keeps showing up at her apartment with stupid excuses to talk to Kurt.  
Does he really think she falls for that? Come on, she knows him. As if Finn would ever ask Kurt for fashion advice or help on a paper. He might have changed significantly over the last eight months but he hasn't changed **that **much.

Tonight proved to be no exception as he came over with the excuse that he needed Kurt for help with his homework. Jeah right, as if Kurt would help Finn with his homework. Kurt was a big advocate of teach what you preach and to him that meant that he was supposed to figure out his own homework because he wasn't the one studying to becoming a teacher.

She was pretty sure she told him last time that Kurt always worked late and would not be home at a reasonable hour _"Finn, like I told you Kurt is still at vogue. Maybe you should go there_"

He looked at her and offered her a weak smile before he sat himself down on the sofa _"I would like to wait here if you don't mind. Maybe you and I can catch up, it feels like forever ago since we spoke_" he pats the empty space next to him but she was not about to give in

_"I'm busy. Maybe next time. Make yourself comfortable, watch TV. You know your way around_" She knows it's a lame excuse to get herself away but it works. She's relieved to see that he doesn't follow her and she lets out a soft sigh as she hears the noise coming from the TV.

* * *

She looks around her room, what was she supposed to do in there until Kurt came home? She chuckles at the realization of how silly and stupid this situation really is. Here she is, in her bedroom, waiting for her best friend to come home so that she doesn't have to indulge in a weird conversation with her ex-boyfriend.

_"Rachel, I really need to talk to you_"

Shoot. She wasn't expecting him to come into her bedroom. Thankfully he knocks before entering and that gives her a second to come up with a plan. Without thinking she ruffles her hair up, places her school book beside her head and pretends to be asleep when he walks in. She can feel his presence in the room and she really hopes he would just go away.

The next thing she knows she can hear him walking up to her and whispering something in her ear  
_"I know you're avoiding me but you can't keep this up forever. You are going to have to talk to me at some point"_

She feels his hand trail the outlines of her face and she tries really hard to keep her eyes closed and breathing regular

_"Whatever I did, I'm sorry. Please just talk to me"_

She has to bite back a groan. That's just so typically Finn, apologizing for whatever he thought he had done. If only he knew.

She feels him pull himself up and she isn't prepared for the soft sweet kiss on her forehead before he leaves. Every part of her wants to open her eyes, cradle him and kiss him. But she knows that would never happen again and that's what keeps her eyes closed as she hears a hard sigh escape from his lips before he walks back into the living room.

A couple minutes later she pulls herself together and tiptoes to the door and opens it softly so that she can get a good look at the living room. He's sitting in front of the TV but had his head in his hands and he just looks hurt. She figured it would be hard being in the same room with him but she never thought it was going to be this difficult for both of them. She also knows that she needs to go through with this, for his own sake. He doesn't need her to bring him down.  
He needs to shine in every aspect of his life, without her.

After staying in her room a little longer she heard him turn of the TV and not long after that she hears the front door slam shut. She sits herself up in bed and listened to the sound of an empty apartment.

* * *

She looks at the clock and realizes that when it was now nine o clock, she had spent a solid two hours in her room and she was pretty freaking hungry. With everything going on she forgot to eat dinner.  
She pulls herself together and starts walking towards the kitchen.  
In her head she's replaying everything that happened in the last couple of weeks and it makes her teary eyed once again.  
She takes a deep breath; she had never cried this much in her life. She feels like a sick wounded puppy dog and she wonders if she also looks the part.

_"Rachel"_

The soft husky voice of someone startles her out of her thoughts. She looks up as to see where the voice is coming from. She isn't expecting the person who is staring back at her

"_Geez Finn, you scared the living daylight out of me. I thought you went home_" her voice sounded a little more unstable than she would have liked.

_"You forget I know you, Rachel. I know when you are fake sleeping to deliberately avoid me"_

She had to know that he wouldn't just leave _"So you decide to counter fake leaving in order for me to talk_?" She spits at him angrily. She really wasn't in the mood to talk and frankly she gets bitchy if she doesn't have food in her system

_"Touché"_ he just smiles his adorable half smile and part of her is extremely glad he doesn't want to fight with her over this

_"Look Finn, I'm hungry, I'm tired, now is not the time to talk. You should go_" She lets out a sigh of relieve when she watches him walk out of the kitchen but groans when she sees that he's making no move to actually leave. He just sits himself down on the sofa and picks up the newspaper.

* * *

She has been busying herself in the kitchen for the last ten minutes. Pouring herself some left over soup and as she waits for it the heat she contemplates on what to say to him to get him to leave _"Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"_

He carefully places the newspaper down and looks in her direction but doesn't say a word.  
Seriously, how is she ever going to get over this boy if he keeps coming back? _"Why do you keep coming here knowing that I'm not willing to talk to you? When I'm doing the best I can to avoid you_" She hopes that he gets the message, because she's in no mood for another fight

"_Cause I hope someday you will" _He's just looking at her and the hope that drenched from his voice makes her want to run to him and just hug him but she knows she can't. She made a promise to herself, and him, weeks ago and she wasn't about to back out now

"_I really don't know what there is to talk about, Finn. I can't be your friend, I'm sorry"_ The beep from the microwave saves her as she excuses herself and walks back into the kitchen.

Suddenly the front door opened and they are greeted with a _"hey, hey, hey_" informing her that Kurt's home. She wants to greet him but as she walks towards the living room she can pick up some of the conversation between Kurt and Finn

_"So, where's Berry anyway? Still hiding from you?"_  
She knows Kurt means it as a joke but there's an awful lot of truth behind his words

_"I guess I was crazy thinking she would really try to be friends. Obviously every feelings she ever had for me are now either gone or turned into hate"  
_She couldn't see Finn's face but his voice sounded choked and she knew once again that she had hurt him. Something she swore she wouldn't do anymore.

_"That's not true and you know it. But can I ask you something with the risk of getting killed?"_  
She silently smiled; she knew exactly what Kurt was about to ask him and she was pretty curious herself  
_"What does it matter to you? You were the one who didn't want any contact in the first place"_  
She could tell that question hurt him as he stood up and walked to the door, Kurt trailing him to let him out.

Before leaving he turned around and whispered _"Because I still care about her, a lot. Rachel was my first love and for a very long time I believed she would be my last. I just-"_He just lets out a sigh and doesn't finish his sentence.

Kurt just softly replies_ "I know she still cares about you, Finn. Believe me when I say she is doing what she's doing __**because**__ she cares! It breaks her heart but she still feels she owes it to you_"  
She smiled again, although they were whispering she could still hear them and she was grateful for Kurt's words _"I always believed you two would be together forever. That your love for each other was so strong that it would overcome any obstacle_"

She sees Finn give Kurt a hug before turning around and whispering those final words  
_"How the mighty have fallen"_

* * *

"_Rachel Barbara Berry, get your pretty little but in here"_

She sighs as she slowly approaches the living room to sit down  
_"Hi Kurt, how was your day?" _She wasn't in the mood for one of Kurt's famous lectures but apparently he had other things in mind because he shakes his head and hisses at her  
_"Oh no Berry, don't go there. We are going to talk about you and Finn_"

Now she was the one becoming agitated _"There is no me and Finn and there is absolutely nothing to talk about"_  
She wanted to get up from her seat but he quickly gave her the 'don't you dare move' look  
_  
"Fine, I'll talk, you listen"_

She knows that arguing him now would be of no use so she just nods and sits herself down again

_"You have to stop doing this to yourself. I know you feel like you owe him something and maybe you do, that's not up to me. But you can't tell me that whatever you are doing is working when my brother leaves hurt, lost and heartbroken __**again **__and you have been crying more this past month than you ever have in your entire life!"_

She was amazed at the truth of his words and she should have know that he would notice her bloodstained eyes and puffy cheeks _"I I I just don't know what to do_" She stutters, and that is the absolute truth. She really doesn't know how she is supposed to handle this situation. Everything is just so completely and utterly screwed up between her and Finn and she doesn't know how to get it back to a normal place for both of them.

_"You need to make up your damn mind! You're either going to be a good friend to him or you're going to cut him out of your life forever. Either way, you have to make the decision, stick to it and deal with the consequences. But just do it Rachel. Make that decision, because this isn't healthy or fair to either of you"_

His words hit her where it hurts; she knows it's exactly what needs to be done.  
She needs to make the right choice; the only problem is she had no idea what that is or how she is going to be able to make it.

* * *

**Note: So there we have it chapter 4. Apparently there's still a lot that needs to be adressed between Finn & Rachel before they can be 'friends' or even get through one conversation without fighting or hurting the other. Don't worry, it's going to get better. Trust me!**

**Reviews make the sun shine brighter :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, so here's chapter five. I know these chapters are all a little angsty but I promise it'll get better. They just really need to get over some obstacles before they can rebuild. I never said it was going to be an easy road.. Follow me on twitter for more insight and updates ( ThoughtWriter)  
Read & Enjoy**

* * *

She has been tossing and turning in her sleep the entire night. Kurt's words keep repeating themselves in her mind. _'Be a good friend or cut him out for good'_  
At this point she still isn't sure if she could manage either of those options.  
Being a good friend means spending time with him and cutting him out for good was not something she was willing to do because that would mean she never got to see him then it dawns on her, se selfishly wants Finn in her life and if that means being a friend then that was what she was going to do.  
Frankly, being friends with Finn is better than not having him in her life at all, she concludes.  
It only means that she has to keep her feelings under control because she was done fighting and hurting that boy.  
She loves Finn enough to let him go, be happy with someone else if that turns out to be the case. She thinks about making herself available on the dating market. That way she would kill two birds in one stone and they both can finally move on and she can get her feelings for him out of the way.  
Yes, she's liking this plan already

* * *

Okay, so she really didn't think this whole 'dating idea' through before she agreed to go on a date with some dude she met at the theater but she knows that it's going to be fine.  
She's been holed up in her room the entire night deciding on what to wear and how to fix her hair. Ironically tonight is the night that Kurt invited Finn over for some much needed brother bonding (his words, not hers)  
She's extremely nervous as to how things are going to turn out tonight. She hasn't told either Finn or Kurt about going on a date because she didn't think it was necessary.

She's applying curlers into her hair when she hears a soft knock on the door _"Come in"_  
The door slowly opens and Finn pops his head through_ "Kurt wanted me to ask you if you needed something from the 7/11. He's down there now getting some snacks for our movie marathon" _

She can feel his stare on her when he opens the door a little more and plops down on her bed  
_"I'm good thanks"_  
He looks her over again and she can't help but blush when he tells her that she looks nice.  
She doesn't really know what to say to that. Does she tell him she's going on a date? Maybe that would be good because Jason is supposed to pick her up in an hour and she doubts he'll be gone by then.  
_"I'm getting ready for my date" _

Finn just stares at her dumbfounded. Apparently he didn't expect that answer _"What?"_

"_I said I'm getting –"_

Finn's next words cut her off _"I heard you. I just.. You're going on a date?" _he stammers, all the while still locking eyes with her.  
Why does she suddenly feel like she needs to defend herself? _"His name's Jason and I met him at the theater last month"_

"_What does Jason do?"_

Who is she talking to, one of her fathers? Does she really want to answer that question? And why is he suddenly so curious?  
_"He cleans the theater rooms"_

Finn's laugh makes her turn around and glare at him. What is so funny to him anyway?  
_"Seriously Rachel you're going on a date with a cleaning dude?"  
_Why does he make it sound like that would be the last thing on earth she would ever do? Well, she has to give it to him that it wasn't actually something she thought about before accepting his date proposal. She actually only found that out **after **she agreed. But, she feels extremely hurt by the fact that he thinks she wouldn't date someone like that _"What's wrong with that?"_

Finn's face becomes one of hurt and she can't tell if it's because she's going on this date or if he's actually surprised by the fact that she's going with a cleaning guy "_Nothing. I just thought that-" _

Now she's just getting impatient, he's taking too much of her preparation time _"What?"_

She sees him swallow hard and when he cast his look down she can barely hear him whisper his next words _"I thought you thought more of yourself than that"_

Okay, that's it. Who does he think he is judging her on her choice of dating material?  
_"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"_

"_I just never pegged you for the type to go on a date with a guy who cleans theaters for a living"_

She's hovering over him now, her eyes piercing into his, hands on her hips for added affect  
_"Not that it's any of your business but it's not his day job. He's just saving enough money to get into the school he wants. And what if it was is it so bad to date a guy like that?"_

She can't believe that she has to defend the person she's going on a date with, to Finn of all people.  
_"I just didn't think you would date someone who was somehow beneath you"_

And when she hears those words she can feel the steam practically coming out of her ears. The nerve of this guy _"I dated you, didn't I?"  
_The moment those words leave her mouth she instantly regrets them. She knows she just said them to get him to back off but she shouldn't have said that.

"_That's low Rachel, really low. But I guess I should thank you"_

Turning around to look at him she sees the hurt on his face and just when she's about to apologize they hear the front door open and close.  
Without another glance Finn stands up _"At least now I know how you really feel about me" _and with that he closes her door leaving her feeling like a total bitch.

* * *

"_Jesus fucking Christ Rachel, what the hell did you do this time?" _ Kurt storms through her door angrily, whips her chair around and just glances at her.  
_"What do you mean?" _ She doesn't mean to sound so innocent because she knows exactly what happened but she needs to find out first how much Kurt knows before diving in to the story  
_"Don't play the whole innocent act on me. Finn just left. He said that he didn't feel like movie night anymore and that he forgot that he needed to be somewhere. Are you going to tell me that you had __**nothing **__to do with that?" _  
As much as she wants to say that she didn't she know she can't _"No. I'm probably the reason he left. I said something I didn't mean"  
_Kurt's just standing there with his hands on his hips urging her to continue  
_"I might have implied that he's a loser"_ And she knows that's putting it mildly. When she sees Kurt angry expression turn into one of utter disgust she knows she's about to get an earful  
_"You can be one mean, crazy bitch sometimes you know that right?"_  
She can't argue with him there, so she just simply nods  
_"Seriously Rachel, this has got to stop! Date other guys, move on, but just leave my poor brother alone. He's been through enough with you. You cheated on him, twice might I ad, you broke up with him and just continued living your life like nothing happened. I don't blame him for being angry with you, Rachel.  
Hell, even I'm pissed at you for that!"  
_Now it's her turn to get angry. Who does Kurt think he's talking to, he doesn't even know the entire story _"What the actual fuck, Kurt? So much for not taking sides huh?" _  
They're both glaring at each other daring the other to back down.  
_"I lied! I can't believe you could do that to my brother!"_

"_Kurt, __**shut up! **__You don't know what happened between Finn and I and I suggest you stay out of it because I'm this close to losing my cool with you!" _She's practically screaming at this point and It feels like there's actual steam coming from her ears right now, she's just so mad.

"_What are you gonna do, Rachel? Huh? Alienate me from your life too just like you did with Finn?" _

Oh, he's so not going there right now. She can't believe that the first massive fight she gets in with Kurt in over three months is because of her and Finn _"I said __**SHUT UP**__ you idiot! You don't know the first thing about what happened and unless you want me to hit you with this hairbrush I suggest you get the hell out of my room and leave me the fuck alone!"_

"_Wow, I have never hear you swear as much as I do now. Finn was right, New York really did change you for the worst, I was just too blind to see it"_

"_Fuck off"_ she says before she throws the hairbrush at his head but it bounces back at the door just after Kurt slams it shut.

She can't help the tears that are coming. She tries to wipe them away angrily but they keep coming back. Kurt's words really did hurt and she knows that some of it she deserved but he has no right to judge her like that when he never even got the entire story.  
He just assumed that she dumped Finn for Brody and she never had the will or energy to correct him and he never ever brought it up again.  
Deep down she knows that they're right, New York did change her. But, did she really change **that **much and is she actually worse than she was before?

Taking a look in the mirror confirms what she's been denying all along. Her hair is filled with hair extensions, she cut herself bangs, her eyes are darkened with eyeliner and her lips are red from the cherry lipstick she's been wearing every single day for the past six months. Looking back at her is not the Rachel Berry that got on a train to New York to make something of herself, this Rachel Berry is the result of months of loneliness and a guy telling her that she needs to have a makeover to be a true New Yorker.

She hears a knock on the door and she tries to collect herself before answering. On the other side of the door is Jason. She completely forgot about her date with him and she can't seem to get herself to care about it right now so she brushes him off with a lame excuse of being sick and not having his number to cancel. He seems to buy it and that only makes her even sadder.  
Her thoughts instantly go to Finn and she just knows that he would have never taken a brush of like that. He would have invited himself in and made sure she was really okay and then he probably would have made her favorite chicken noodle soup and made her talk about her problems.  
But, Finn isn't here right now and she needs to make herself feel better. So, the first thing she does is change into her comfortable sweats and t-shirt and sit herself down in front of the TV with a chunk of hazelnut ice cream and funny girl in the DVD player.

She's halfway through the movie when she realizes that she hasn't really been paying attention all that much because she can't get Kurt's words out of her head. She knows she's changed and maybe she can even admit to herself that it wasn't all for the better but it's not like she felt like she had a choice.  
None of this would have ever happened if Finn hadn't left her to go to New York on her own. But, deep down she knows it's a cheap cop out to blame Finn for her changing, she's the one who actually did all the work. And then it dawns on her, she knows exactly what she needs to.  
So, she pauses the movie, picks up the phone book and searches for the number she needs.  
It seems to take forever for someone to pick up and she's about to hang up when she hears a male voice on the other end of the line. She takes a deep breath and knows it's now or never.

_"Hello, is this Ravens hair salon? This is Rachel Berry. I would like to schedule an appointment" _

* * *

**_Reviews make the sun shine brighter :-)_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's chapter six. I do have to warn you that this story is not all going to be all roses and unicorns all of sudden. There's a lot of angst in future episodes. You need to realize that they have a long way to go before they can get their love back to where it once was. Keep in mind though that it is a Finchel story and that in the end it'll all be okay**

* * *

She has been sitting at the hairdresser for two hours now flipping through every magazine they have to find a hairstyle that best represents the old Rachel Berry. They've been having trouble getting her extensions out and she has to say that without them she even feels a little naked.

"_Miss. Berry. Did you decide on a hairstyle yet?" _ She glances in the mirror and is already pleased with the person staring back at her. She hadn't put any makeup on today because she wanted to find the old Rachel underneath the façade that she had been putting up for the last year.

"_I can't decide between the two of these"_ she says while holding up the magazine and pointing towards the hairstyles.

"_Well, if I may be so bold to give you advise. I would go with the second one. It would go great with the shape of your face and I think a sideswiped bang will make you look a little more youthful and your age" _

She doesn't have to think about it much longer. She takes one last look at both pictures and then gives the hair dresser the go ahead. She could go with a more youthful look, more Rachel Berry Lima born and raised, less Rachel Berry taking New York by storm and bulldozering everything in sight.

"_Antonio, can I ask you a question?" _Antonio seems to be deep in thought with the process of her hair but she can't help but get another guys opinion on the burning question in her mind

"_Sure, Miss Berry. Go ahead" _

She told him to call her Rachel but for some reason he keeps revering to her as Miss Berry  
_"I told you to call me Rachel, Antonio. It's only fair if we're both on first name basis remember?"_

"_Sure thing Miss. Uh, Rachel"_ She has to suppress a smile. She has never been to this salon before but she got it from a friend at the theater and she thought that with a new look there should also be a new hair salon. She's turning over a new leave, returning to her old self as much as she can.

"_I need you to be honest with me. What did you think of me when I first walked through the door?"_

Antonio chuckles, shakes his head and asks her if she's sure she wants to know. She says she is.

"_I thought, well here's one of those girls who is trying too hard to fit into the New York lifestyle.  
I was glad you weren't wearing red lipstick and had your eyes all dark like most New York girls do because then it would have been really bad. Your hair is easily fixable though. You have beautiful hair to work with; you should __**never **__put extensions in them again"_

She has to suppress a laugh, if only he knew she was indeed that girl with the dark eyeliner and the red lipstick. He would probably have a field day making fun of her for it. She thanks him for his honesty and goes back to reading some sleazy gossip magazine to help ease the time.

"_All done, Rachel. What do you think_?"  
She looks up from her magazine and is amazed at what he's done. She actually looks a lot more like the old Rachel Berry now but with a little bit of a modern New York twist.

"_I love it, Antonio. Thank you so much" _

She makes sure to leave him a decent tip when she's at the register before walking out into the busy streets. She knows she's going to come back here from now on because Antonio has done miracles for her today and she actually feels a lot more at ease with herself than she has in ages.

* * *

Her next stop is at American eagle. She knows that now that she has got the hair right, she also needs to dress the part. She knows she can't go back to penny loafers and animal sweaters but that's not what she's going for anymore. Maybe, it's time for jeans and a t-shirt and just a little more sophistication instead of all that overly sexiness with low-cut tops and short skirts and ankle boots.

"_Hello I'm Amanda. How can I help you?"_ she's approached by a friendly employee and when she tells her about what she's looking for the girl takes her to a special section of the store that she promises has Rachel's name written on it.

She has been trying different clothes for an hour now and everything she tries on feels good. She knows she can't buy all of it but it feels good to know that she can also be Rachel Berry in just jeans and a cute top or blazer.

"_You're not from around here are you_?" The voice of the employee, Amanda, startles her and she shakes her head.

"_Let me guess. Small town girl, making it into the big city?" _

She can't help but laugh at the accurate description Amanda gives of her "_Pretty much. I'm a freshman NYADA student and I was born and raised in Lima Ohio actually" _

Amanda starts ringing up the clothing and gives her a small smile _"That's amazing. I'm actually from Huntsville Ohio. My boyfriend at the time got accepted at the Brooklyn law school here in New York and I foolishly followed him here" _

She's actually kind of intrigued by the story of this girl and she urges her to continue letting her know she's listening

"_Everything was fine for the first year, but then he started to distance himself more from me.  
He stayed out late, hanging out with his buddies from school and leaving me to fend for myself. I didn't blame him at first because well, he was living his dream and it was my choice to pack up everything and follow him. But after a little while I just-"_Amanda stops mid sentence and gives her a guilty look _"What am I doing. I'm probably boring you with this anyway. I'm sorry"_

But Rachel was intrigued. It actually sounded a little bit like her and Finn or at least how it could have been had he not put her on the train to New York alone _"No, not at all. I would love to hear more about it"_

The smile on Amanda's face tells her that she doesn't mind sharing the story  
_"Okay, well in that case I have a break in about ten minutes. Want to meet up for coffee at the star bucks around the corner?"_  
Rachel nods, pays for her clothing and steps out into the streets looking for the nearest Starbucks

* * *

Rachel has been patiently waiting for about five minutes when she sees Amanda approach her table with already two coffees in her hand _"I don't have that long so I already ordered us coffee"_

She smiles at Amanda and takes the coffee from her _"Thank you. So tell me more"_

Amanda looks at Rachel expectantly. She knows that it's not common to meet up with a random person you met just an hour ago and talk about your life in New York

"_Well, as I said everything was fine for the first year. But after that everything went downhill.  
He started staying out late; going to parties I wasn't invited too. I felt myself being alienated from his life and it didn't sit well with me_"

Rachel nods, she can certainly relate to that.

_"So, this one night we got into this __**huge **__fight and I blamed him for dragging me out her to New York and leaving me out to dry. He told me that it was never his choice to have me follow him to New York in the first place and that he just much rather wanted to go alone and explore what the city had to offer him"_

"_In the end he was right. I only followed him to New York because I couldn't stand the idea of losing him but I lost him to New York anyway. I couldn't go back home so I ended up staying in New York but I'm working at American Eagle because I didn't have the guts to go out and make something for myself when I was with Tom. Let me tell you something, Rachel. I still regret up until this day following him to New York. I should have given him his freedom and chosen myself" _

When she listens to Amanda she can't help but think about Finn and how he selflessly put her on that train to do the one thing that Amanda couldn't. She has been so mad at him for that for the past year when in fact she should have been grateful. She would never forgive herself if Finn would have ended up like Amanda, alone and bitter at life's disappointments.

"_Wow, this is pretty creepy. Your story sounds a lot like me and my ex-boyfriend. Or at least how it could have ended up had he not put me on the train to New York by myself"_

Amanda smiles at her _"Girl, let me tell you that's the best thing that guy ever did to you"_

She can't help but smile back at Amanda _"I'm starting to realize that now Jeah"_

They talk a little bit more about New York life, NYADA and even Finn. When it's time for Amanda to go they exchange phone numbers and she leaves Rachel with the best advice she could receive right now  
_"Don't worry too much, Rachel. If it's meant to be it will be. If Finn is the one, you'll find your way back, trust me_"

* * *

When she arrives home late in the afternoon, tired of all the shopping and talking she's done she sits down her bags and looks around the apartment. It's empty, so Kurt isn't home yet. She's actually relieved about that because it gives her a little more time to come up with something to say to him.

She knows she hasn't been treating him fair in their fight but she was just so unbelievably mad at him for taking Finn's side without knowing the entire story but she also knows that the only reason that he doesn't know the entire story is because she never told him. Maybe it was time to change all that.

Her phone rings and she's relieved to see that it's Kurt calling

'_Hi Kurt' _

'_Rachel'_

'_Do what do I owe the pleasure of this call? Last time I checked you were mad at me'_

'_I was, but I'm at Finn's right now and he actually told me the __**entire **__story and I just need to say that I'm sorry for jumping at your throat like that'_

'_It's fine Kurt, I'm sorry too. I should have told you from the beginning but I didn't and well, I can't blame you for being angry at me'_

'_So, now that everything Is resolved can I interest you in Chinese take out for dinner? Assuming you're home by now because when I was there thirty minutes ago you weren't'_

'_I had a lot of errands to run today but Chinese sounds good'_

'_Okay, I'll pick that up now and head on home. I'll be there in about twenty'_

'_Kurt?'_

'_Jeah'_

'_Can you ask Finn to join us? I kind of owe him an apology and a movie night' _

'_I'll try Rach, can't promise anything though'_

'_I know'_

'_See you soon'_

'_Bye'_

* * *

She's been running around the loft for the last ten minutes trying to pick up after herself and making it look a little presentable for when in fact Finn does decide to come back with Kurt. She knows she's being stupid because it's just Finn and Kurt's his brother and he's been here before and he knows what it looks like but somehow she just feels like she needs to do something to kill the time. When she hears a knock on the door she doesn't understand why they just don't let themselves in but maybe they have their hands full and they know she's home anyway so she doesn't think about it too much before opening the door. But, on the other side of the door aren't Kurt and Finn

"_Brody?" _

That's the last person she ever expected to see again. The last time they talked she told him that she couldn't be with him because she didn't love him and wasn't over Finn.

"_What the fuck happened to you?" _ He lets himself into the loft and looks her over with a look of distaste. She has to take a minute to understand that he's talking about her hair and her clothing.

"_Nothing. I just thought it was time to change back to my old self" _

"_Hmm, and the fact that Finn is also living in New York now has absolutely __**nothing **__to do with it, right?"_

She doesn't understand how he knows that Finn's in New York but she knows that she has to get him out of the loft and fast. If Kurt did get Finn to agree to tag along she doesn't want to think about what will happen when he finally meets Brody.

"_Brody, I don't know why you're here but you have to go" _Brody's face changes to anger and he grabs her arm forcefully

"_You seriously didn't think I was going to let you run back to your pathetic lowlife of an ex-boyfriend when you can have me now do you?" _

Rachel feels herself becoming more and more scared. She has never seen this side of Brody before and she's afraid of what he'll might do to her _"Brody, you're hurting me"_

He just laughs at her sarcastically _"Well boohoo, you've hurt __**me **__by dumping me for that lowlife scum"_  
He forcefully pushes her down on the couch and hovers over her _"You're going to find out exactly just how much I can hurt you, Rachel"_ He grips her hand again and he forces himself on her immediately ripping her t-shirt open and placing his hands on her breast.

"_Brody, stop. Please stop" _She silently whimpers but she knows it's no use. Brody's much stronger than her and she's powerless to stop him. He opens up the button of her pants and just when he's about to tear it down they hear the sound of the front door open and he freezes in place

"_Rachel? We're here. You know that that Chinese dude already knows our –" _ Kurt freezes in place when he sees the scene in front of him and Finn practically bumps into him from behind _"Ouch, Kurt. Move"_

When Finn steps away from Kurt and observes the situation in front of him he can't believe what he's seeing _"What the hell is going on here?"_

* * *

**Uhoh, a cliffhanger. Reviews make the sun shine brighter! Thank you for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

"_I said, what the hell is going on here?" _ Finn repeats his question while still trying to process the scene in front of him. Rachel has her hands over her breasts and this guy is looking rather smugly at him

"_Brody, what are you doing here_?" Kurt manages to stammer when he finally comes to his senses. He doesn't understand why he would be in their loft and considering the frightening look in Rachel's eyes the thing that was about to go down wasn't something she agreed upon.

Finn's face contorts in confusion _"Hold up. That fucker is Brody?"_  
Before Rachel knows it Finn has Brody up by his collar and shoves him into the nearest wall  
_"Care to tell me why Rachel's looking so scared, dimwit?" _

Brody just shrugs and smiles diabolically _"Probably because she didn't expect either one of you home and we were about to get freaky"_

Kurt walks up to him and punches him in the face real hard startling Finn _"Dude?"_

"_Nice try, donkey! But I just talked to Rachel twenty minutes ago and she knew we were coming. So care to tell me what really went down?" _

"_What I said, we were about to get freaky"_

Finn releases his hold on Brody only to shove him up the wall higher _"Listen up, asshole. I'm only going to say this once. Stay away from Rachel or I swear to god I'll find you, hunt you down and beat the living daylight out of you. Kapish?" _

Brody's smug attitude fades and he actually manages to look scared for a change and he silently nods. That's enough for Kurt to open the door and for Finn to throw him out into the hallway and slam the door back in his face.

Kurt takes the Chinese food and nods at Finn to see if Rachel's okay.

"_Rachel?"_ he tentatively approaches her. She appears to be in a state of shock because she's just staring at a blank spot on the wall and doesn't acknowledge his presence. He's actually extremely relieved that they got there when they did because a minute later and things could have turned out very differently

"_Rachel?"_ he tries again and this time she blinks her eyes and turns her head at him. For a minute there he thinks she's going to hug him but she just stands up abruptly, thanks him and retreats into the bathroom.

When Kurt walks back into the living room he asks where Rachel went off to and Finn just points towards the bathroom. Kurt walks up and knocks on the bathroom door twice. It opens and reveals a freshly clothe Rachel smiling at him like nothing happened

_"So, how about that Chinese now?"_

Kurt just looks at Finn who shrugs his shoulders and stands up to get the food.  
_"Rachel, if you want to talk about it you know-"_  
Kurt gets cut off by Rachel's hands on his shoulder _ "I'm good, Kurt. Seriously. All good. Let's eat" _

When Finn returns with their food, he looks at Kurt for confirmation that everything indeed is okay.  
Kurt just nods and smiles and Finn looks at Rachel and it's then that he actually **really** looks at her for the first time that night and notices her change  
_"Rachel, your hair. You look-"_

"_Like the old Rachel Berry again_?"

Finn nods and smiles _"Jeah, I thought so too. After our fight I realized that both you and Kurt were right and that something needed to be done about it, so I did"_

"_I like it. It's very you" _Kurt contributes to the conversation trying to lighten the mood even more

She smiles at both of them. Feeling relieved that they came home just in time. She just doesn't want to think about what could have happened if they didn't come home when they did. She knows she owes them a whole lot  
she says _"Thank you" _and they all know that there's a lot more meaning behind those two words than just the acceptance of the compliment.

* * *

This is the forth night in a row that she's waking up with nightmares of what happened with Brody.  
She hasn't told either Kurt or Finn about it because she doesn't want them to worry.  
Finn has been extra nice to her this week and Kurt hasn't let her out of her sight practically the entire week because he's afraid that Brody might show up somewhere and try something. She feels smothered by him but she's also grateful that he's looking out for her. So, when she hears her door squeak in the middle of the night she gets up takes her hairbrush and silently waits for the figure to walk into the room. When she hears the door click shut she flickers on the light, jumps from her bed and practically attacks the person with her hairbrush.

"_Auch, Jesus Rachel what the fuck"  
_

She practically lets herself fall back onto the bed in a fit of giggles when she realizes it's actually Kurt  
_"I thought you were someone else"_

She can tell by the look of recognition on his face that he knows exactly who she's talking about _"Brody?"_

"_Jeah"_

Kurt moves himself over to the bed and sits himself down next to her. He takes both of her hands and makes her look at him _"Rachel he doesn't have a key to the house. He can't get in. And, I'm pretty sure that Finn scared the living daylight out of him"_

Deep down she knows he's right but somehow it doesn't ease her worried mind. Brody is smart; he could be lurking around the house for a chance to get into the apartment _"I hope so"_

Kurt sighs, he knows that this isn't something she has to deal with alone but he also knows how stubborn she can be _"Care to talk about it?"_

"_Not really but I guess I should huh?"_

He knows it's best to talk about things like this because he imagines it eating her up from the inside but he also knows that it might be hard to talk about it with the people that were there _"Jeah, if not to me or Finn but to someone"_

Rachel looks up at Kurt and just gives him an unexpected hug. He really is the best friend anyone could ask for and she just wants him to know that she loves him for taking such good care of her and looking out for her. But she doesn't know if she's ready to deal with what happened _"Can I think about it first?"_

He gives her his biggest smile, rubs her back and stands up _"Sure"_

She sees that he's reluctant to leave her alone and she doesn't really want to be if she's honest so she asks the one question she knows he can't refuse _"Kurt? Will you stay with me tonight?"_

She doesn't have to ask him twice. He's already halfway across her bed making himself comfortable between the sheets. He pats the side next to him and she curls up into his side and takes a deep breath_  
"Thanks for everything, Kurt"_

"_My pleasure, Rachel. Now try and get some sleep"_

The rest of the night is a peaceful one without any more nightmares and she can't help but contribute it to the fact that she feels safe in Kurt's arms.

* * *

"_So, Rachel. Why are you here?"_

Rachel is sitting in the office of Dr. Sullivan. She's not exactly comfortable but after talking with Kurt about it a little more she decided that it was best to talk to a professional. Even Finn agreed, saying that it would be good to talk about **everything **that happened this past year and not only about what almost happened with Brody the other week.

"_I've had a rough year. A lot has happened and I think I've dealt with it wrongly" _

is taking notes on her notepad and smiling at her reassuringly giving her the courage to go on

"_I think I need to begin at the beginning. Last summer I got accepted into NYADA and my boyfriend at the time didn't get into the college of his choice. I told him that I wanted to postpone going to NYADA for a year and help him get into the colleges he wanted to go to"_

Dr. Sullivan hums letting her know she's listening and taking notes

"_He told me that he couldn't let me do that and the day that we were supposed to get married was the day he put me on a train to New York and he told me he enlisted into the army"_

"_How did that make you feel?"_

She doesn't have to think about that to long because she can still feel the hurt and devastation in her body when she thinks back to that day

"_I was mad as hell. He had decided what my future was going to look like and it felt like he didn't want to be in it. I loved him so much and he just shipped me off to New York. Or at least that's what it felt like back then"_

"_And now?"  
_  
After talking to Amanda she understands where Finn was coming from a lot better and she knows that she can rationalize it now.

"_Now I know there was a lot more to it than that. He didn't want to hold me back from my dreams and I understand now that if he went to New York with me without having a goal there himself it would have ended very badly for both of us"_

She doesn't have to tell Dr. Sullivan that it ended badly anyway because she seems to know

"_I was very confused and alone the first few months in New York. I didn't have any friends, I didn't fit in at NYADA and that's when I met Brody. Brody was everything I thought I needed at the time. Handsome, good dancer, flattering and I thought I fell for him. I didn't realize at the time that I was just projecting everything I wanted from Finn onto Brody, in the process creating the unhealthiest relationship ever.  
I changed my entire appearance and personality for him because I knew that's what he wanted. I altered myself completely in order to be with him. In the end I just knew that this wasn't what I wanted out of a relationship so I broke up with him"_

Dr. Sullivan asks her how she thinks he took that and she has to swallow the lump in her throat thinking back to that faithful night two weeks ago

"_Well, good at first. I hadn't seen him for about three months when he suddenly came to visit me at my house two weeks ago. He told me that he wasn't happy with being dumped so that I could go running back to my ex and he tried to rape me but thankfully my best friend and ex-boyfriend came to my rescue just in time"_

keeps scribbling down things on her notepad and she wonders if she's writing down everything she's telling her

"_That's pretty heavy, Rachel"_

That's an understatement. It's extremely heavy. She didn't think it would affect her that much because of the fact that nothing actually happened thanks to Finn and Kurt but she can't seem to sleep at night or even turn a corner without keeping one hand on her pepper spray.

"_I know, I'm having nightmares about him raping me, having his way with me and leaving me there to die all because I dumped him"_

nods and asks her if she contacted the police. She didn't really think about going to the police_ "No, my ex threatened him and I never even thought about going to the cops"_

"_You should consider it. They could keep tabs on this Brody guy and might make you feel safer"_

Maybe she's right, if it meant that she could feel safer she would do anything at this point  
_"Jeah, that might be a good idea" _

She sees Dr. Sullivan checking her watch and she knows that the session is almost over  
_"Our time is almost up, is there something else you want to discuss?"_

"_No, maybe next time"_

She gathers her things and buttons up her coat but Dr. Sullivan has one last thing she tells her to do  
_"Good, I think it's good that you want there to be a next time. You need to process a lot of things and I think you're on your way and I can certainly help you with that. I'm going to give you an assignment for next week. I want you to write down everything you're feeling this week good or bad. If something happens, write it down. Okay?"_

Rachel nods, extends her hand to Dr. Sullivan and thanks her

"_See you next week, Rachel"_

"_Bye"_

Yes, she might have been against this whole therapy thing at first but she feels like a weight has been lifted of her shoulders and she knows that this might be the best thing for her right now. There are a lot of things that she's been suppressing this past year and it's time to let it all in and deal with it. Finally getting on route to that fresh start she so desperately wants.

* * *

**Not a lot of interaction between Rachel & Finn this chapter but I felt like it was too soon for Finn to be the one to comfort her at night. Be patients my loves, it will all be allright.**

**Don't forget, reviews make the sun shine brighter!**


	8. Chapter 8

It's been about a month since she first starting seeing Dr. Sullivan and she's proud to say that she feels like she's made a lot of progress. She isn't as scared as she was before and she can actually go out without her pepper spray now, not anticipating Brody at every corner she turns.  
She took Dr. Sullivan's advice and told the police what happened. They told her they couldn't do much about it but they were going to report it and if something like that ever happened again she should come to the precinct right away so that they could take action against him.  
This last session she's been talking a lot about Kurt and Finn. Kurt because she actually feels like he's the best friend in the world to her and Finn because well, Finn is Finn. She knows that she shouldn't expect much from him but it seems like that ever since the incident he's been walking on pins and needles around her, afraid to say or do something wrong.  
At first she didn't really think too much about it because she was too preoccupied being scared that Brody would return and finish what he started but now the more she focuses on it the more she's actually really annoyed by it. He's treating her like a porcelain doll and she's done feeling like a victim.  
It's not like Brody actually got the chance to do anything to her and for that she's grateful and that makes it easier for her to move on. But how is she supposed to move on when Kurt or Finn won't let her out of her sight?

Today is no different. Kurt's out working and Finn is sitting on the couch watching a hockey game while she's doing homework in the kitchen.  
_"Kurt thinks I should move in"_ His voice startles her from her work and she lifts her head from her textbook to look at him.  
_"Excuse me?" _ He can't be serious about this; she's having enough trouble having him around as much as he already is

_"Kurt said that there's enough room for me and since I'm already here most of the time he thinks it's stupid for me to have my own apartment when you guys could easily accommodate me"  
_  
She knows Kurt has every right to invite Finn to live with them because she didn't exactly console him before she invited Brody to move in. But, somehow this situation is different. She knows that if Finn moves in she's not going to be able to handle that and they are bound to fight over the stupidest things. Not something she's looking forward to, as much as she loves Finn's company _"I don't think that's such a good idea, Finn" _

She can hear him blow out a large chunk of air and she sees his shoulders slump _"That's exactly what Kurt said you would say"_

So, if Kurt already knew that she wouldn't be on board with the plan she doesn't understand why he would ask Finn in the first place  
_  
"I just thought you would like the company. It can get a little lonely here with Kurt gone most of the time. He's pretty busy between NYADA and spending all his free time at Vogue"  
_  
She has to admit that he does have a point. Most of the time she feels like she's living alone and it can certainly get a little lonely in the loft but, that doesn't mean she thinks it's a good idea to have Finn move in. Somehow she feels like it's going to be hell on earth living with her best friend's stepbrother who also happens to be her ex-boyfriend. Her ex-boyfriend where she, by the way, still has feelings for. Deep rooted feelings _"I just don't see it working out, Finn. I'm sorry"_

He looks at her with sad eyes but just nods and turns his attention back to the TV. She knows he's hurt but she has to protect herself right now.

* * *

They're sitting quietly at the dinner table when Kurt decides to speak up _"So, when are you moving in big bro?"  
_ Finn just looks at Rachel and shakes his head. He doesn't really know how to tell his brother that Rachel doesn't think it's such a good idea _"He's not, Kurt. And in future reverence I would like it if you would give me a heads up about your plans first"  
_Kurt looks at Rachel shocked _"Excuse me?"  
_ Rachel takes a deep breath, looks from Finn back to Kurt and takes a sip of her red wine before talking _"I don't like the fact that I had to hear from Finn that you'd invited him to come live with us. You could have told me yourself, or better yet asked what I thought about the idea"_  
Kurt just starts laughing uncontrollably and just repeatedly shakes his head _"Oh, that's rich Rachel. Like you did with Brody?"_  
She knew he was going to throw that back in her face and she can tell that Finn's already getting a little uncomfortable with the turn this conversation is taking _"  
"I apologized a million times for that, Kurt" _

"_Jeah, __**after **__he was already living here and parading around naked like a stupid monkey" _

She knows that it wasn't the best idea to invite Brody to live with them but it's not like she felt she had a choice at the time, she needed him close and the only way to do that was to have him live with them. She never thought things would turn out as ugly as they did and that's exactly why she doesn't want Finn living with them _"Kurt, what in god's name do you expect from me here?"_

He seems to be thinking about that long and hard and she can't help but look at Finn who's silently picking apart his peas. _"I expect you to give Finn the chance to live with us"  
_Kurt's looking at her with piercing eyes and she knows he's trying to convince her to give in, but she knows what she has to do _"I can't Kurt"_

"_Why not? He's my family for crying out loud"_

She doesn't understand why he just won't let it go and give her this. She doesn't want to punish Finn or be mean but she can't do this, she just can't  
_"And he's my ex-boyfriend in case you forgot that" _and with those words she pushes he chair back on storms out of the kitchen. She can't believe that he would make her do this.

* * *

The colors that are reflecting on her bedroom mirror are hypnotizing her and she doesn't hear the door open so the voice of Finn startles her _"Rachel, can we talk?"_  
She quickly pushes herself up and gestures him to come in  
_  
"I know that it's not exactly fair what Kurt's asking you to do and I just wanted to let you know that I talked to him and convinced him that it's better for all of us if I just stay in my own apartment"  
_  
Rachel looks at him and gives him a shy smile _"Thank you" _

"_You're welcome Rach" _The sound of her nickname makes her shiver and she nods at him before he turns around to leave again.

"_But, Rach?"_ he says just before he closes the door _"You're not going to be able to ignore me forever. We're going to have to talk at some point"_

"_I know" _and that she truly does, she doesn't know when. She's just not there yet. Her therapist told her that she would know when she would be ready to talk to him, she would feel it in her gut and she's counting on that

_"Come find me when you're ready"_

He's about halfway through the door when she thinks of something _"Finn?"  
_Turning around and smiling at her she thinks about what she wanted to say and she knows that his answer could potentially be a dangerous one for her  
_"Did you really think it would be a good idea for all of us to live together?"_

He walks back into her room and closes the door behind him. He sits himself down on her bed and she moves her chair around to face him _"Not at first. I'm having enough trouble as it is being around you. But, Kurt gave me this whole speech about family being important and how much rent I could save and how much time we could spend together that he kind of convinced me that it wouldn't be all that bad" _

She wonders if it was really just Kurt's intention to have his brother around more often. With Burt having Cancer and Blaine back in Ohio she knows that these last year have been hard for him also and having Finn around has cheered him up significantly. Suddenly she feels extremely guilty for making this all about her _"Really?"_

He nods and gives her a wide smile _"Jeah. I mean I'm paying enough money as it is right now to live in the tiny ass apartment on the other side of town and I have to take the train __**and **__the bus to school every day. Living here would make it so much easier and save me so much time in the morning"_

Now she really feels like crap. Why does she always have to ruin everything around her  
_ "I'm sorry I was so quick to tell you no"_

"_Trust me Rachel, I get it. It wouldn't have been easy"_

But that's just it, isn't it. He's just so nice and understanding all the time even when she doesn't even deserve it in the first place. She just wonders how he would have seen this work out _"But you think whe could have done it?"_

His_ "no"_ confuses her. He wants to move in but he doesn't think they could have made it work?  
But his next words explain it_ "I __**know **__whe could have done it"_  
She smiles at him and nods.

"_I'm going to let you get back to whatever it was that you were doing"_

"_Thank you"_

"_Anytime, Rach. You know I'm here for you"_

When she watches his retreating figure until she can't see him anymore a thought creeps into her mind. Would it actually be so bad if Finn moved in with them?  
Somehow, she's not so sure about her answer anymore

* * *

The moment she actually steps out of her bedroom she practically walks straight into Kurt.  
She looks around and sees Finn sitting on the couch with a bag of popcorn on his lap.  
_"So, there you are little miss' I'm hiding out in my bedroom because I don't want to face reality'"  
_Before she gets a chance to reply with a snarky remark Finn speaks up  
_"Knock it off, Kurt. Leave her alone"  
_Kurt turns around with his hands on his hips and glares at Finn _"Seriously? Finn! Seriously? What the hell is going on?" _

Finn doesn't even bother to cast his eyes away from the TV _"Nothing's going on. I just asked you to leave her alone"_

Kurt huffs, walks over to Finn and kicks him in the legs _"No you didn't. Your tone demanded that I leave her alone"_

Finn gives him an angry look and whacks his hand across his arms _"Whatever, Kurt"_

Rachel looks at the scene in front of her and can't help but smile. Finn doesn't even live her yet and he's already defending her. This could be interesting. She has to suppress a laugh because Kurt turns around and points his finger at her _"You! __**What **__are you laughing about, Barbra?"_

"_You better get used to this, Kurt. Because chances are this is going to happen more often when Finn moves in"_

She knows she was being unreasonable when she told them no earlier and after thinking about the pro's and con's for both Finn and her in the long run she knew that she had no right to deny Kurt and Finn their chance at brotherly bonding through living together.

Kurt's looking at her as if she had just spoken in a different language "_Say what?"_

"_I said that –"_

He waves his hands in the air to stop her from talking, walks up to her and puts his hand on her forehead _"I know what you said I'm just checking if I've entered some weird twilight zone where Rachel Berry just agreed to do something selflessly"_

"_Nope, it's true Kurt. I just realized that it would be nice to have someone around while you abandon me daily" _

She hears Finn's laugh and she can't help but look at him and smile

"_Auch, I see how it is"_

Finn just laughs again and shoves a little more popcorn in his mouth but half of it land on the couch and she knows that if he's going to move in here things have to change

_"It's true though, Kurt. If you're not at NYADA you're at vogue and I need someone to clean and cook when you don't" _She can hear Finn almost choke in his popcorn and that makes her laugh. He has another thing coming if he thought that he would just be able to move in and don't attribute in the chores

"_Um, Rachel. I know it might have been a while since you guys really dated but don't you remember that there are two things Finn isn't capable of and that's cooking and cleaning"_

She wants to reply with a snarky remark because that was just a little stab below the belt but she lets it go just this once because she's tired of fighting and they need to set up some rules if he's really going to move in with them_ "It's high time that he learns then. And what the hell does his apartment look like right now and what does he eat all day?"_

It's weird that she's directing her question at Kurt when he's sitting right there in the living room she concludes and before she can redirect it at him he already answers _"Kurt cleans for me and I eat mostly take out, micro waved pizza or just bread"_

Kurt cleans for him? Oh, that is not going to happen here if she has anything to say about it. And she does, because she lives her too _"Finn Hudson, your world is about to be rocked!"_

She sees his face contort in confusion _"Does that mean that-"_

Apparently the thought of her agreeing to letting him stay with them didn't quite register with him because he seems extremely confused. She decides to put him out of his misery  
_"You're moving in and I'm teaching you how to cook and clean? Jup"_

"_but?"_

"_No buts, that's the deal. Take it or leave it"_

He's looking from Kurt to her, to Kurt and then back to her. Trying to figure out what to say  
_"Fine"_

"_Then I welcome you to the club, Finn"_

Its then that Kurt decides to give his final two cents _"This is awesome; we're going to be like the three musketeers"_

When she looks at Finn and Kurt dancing around the apartment before plopping down on the couch, feet on the table and the popcorn halfway across the room she sighs, for a minute she already regrets what she agreed upon.

* * *

**Note: Uh oh, Finn's moving in with Kurt and Rachel? Somehow I don't think that it's all going to be rainbows and unicorns from now on, but keep reading to find out.**

**Thanks for all the love for this story & remember reviews make the sun shine brighter**


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm sorry it took me a whole week to post this but here it is finally. Enjoy! **

* * *

How on earth they ever figured it would be a good idea for Finn to move in with them was beyond her. It's only been two weeks and Kurt and Rachel have had more fights than she can remember ever having before.  
Apparently Kurt and Finn are brothers when they want to be but sworn enemies when they need to be.  
Kurt has been complaining about practically every single thing Finn does. He puts the toilet seat down, which according to Kurt is not the way to go with two guys in the house but she likes that he's considerate to her needs. She taught him how to separate his whites and his delicates and Kurt doesn't like that because he used to just go into the bathroom and put his dirty clothes in the hamper and now he has to look where he's putting it. She's a little surprised to say the least; she thought Kurt of all people would appreciate a little more tidiness around the house.

"_Rachel, this has got to stop"_ Kurt's sitting at the dinner table while she's slaving around in the kitchen. They have come up with some sort of routine that one of them cooks a healthy meal for everyone at least one night a week so that in the end they eat at least three home cooked meals every week. Tonight's Rachel's night and she's cooking her famous vegan lasagna. Another thing Kurt is bitching about

_"Jesus, Kurt. If I didn't know any better I would say you've been having your period for a week. What exactly is your problem?"  
_She just doesn't understand why he's making such a big deal out of everything Finn does these days.  
He's supposed to be happy that he's listening to her and doing things without complaining

"_My problem Rachel is that it feels like I'm living with a freaking married couple who sleep on different sides of the loft. Every single thing you do he agrees with and vice versa"_

That's not true is it? They don't act like a married couple and she doesn't agree with everything he does. She just likes the fact that he tends to listen to her _"That's not true. I don't like the fact that you guys put your feet on the coffee table while watching TV but I don't say anything about that now do I? I don't like the fact that when I come home after a long day of rehearsal at the theater I almost trip over the shoes that have been knocked out and left in the middle of the hallway. Do you hear me bitching about that, Kurt? Do you?" _She's been slightly raising her voice at him and she knows that if she doesn't slow down it's going to turn into another argument and she's not in the mood for that.

"_No, and you better not!"_

What the hell is wrong with him? Why does she get the feeling that there's something else entirely going on but he uses this as an excuse _"Kurt, come on. I don't get why you're letting the little things get to you so much"_

He huffs and glares at her through his eyelashes _"Because all those little things just add up to very big things in the end, Rachel. You need to talk to him"_

Why does she have to be the one to talk to him? They've been getting along great for the past week and she's not about to jeopardize that _"What? Why? I'm not about to tell him to keep the toilet seat up, or to use the shower for more than fifteen minutes because you're to chicken to tell him yourself"_

Kurt is standing only five feet away from her now, his eyes boring into hers, steam practically coming out of his ears _"I'm not too chicken; I just think it's your responsibility because you were the one who told him to do those things"_

She's too tired to fight with him over this _"Yes, and that's why I don't have a problem with him doing them! You are!"_

"_Jeez, Rachel do you have to be so inconsiderate?"_

Okay, so she can be a little narcissistic and self centered sometimes but she worked on that considerably and she doesn't like the fact that Kurt's throwing that back in her face _"What? I really don't see the big deal here Kurt"_

"_The big deal is that it feels like you and Finn are playing house and I'm just the third wheel that bitches about everything. Did it ever occur to you that when I asked Finn to move in I didn't mean for him to move in with __**you**__ but with __**us. **__As in you and me both! You've been making decisions without me all week and I'm done, Rachel. I'm so freaking done!" _He turns around hot on his heels, cast one last look at her, slumps his shoulders down and storms off.

* * *

"_So, let me get this straight. My brother attacked __**you**__ about the fact that __**I **__do things he doesn't like?"  
_She feels guilty for including Finn in this battle but she knows that they have to resolve this. It's only been a week but she can't live like this any longer

"_He feels left out. He feels that you do everything I say and we do things without asking him"_

Those words leave a bitter taste in her mouth. She has been feeling guilty about it for the entire night. Kurt didn't even come out of his room to eat with them when Finn came home so tonight it's just the two of them eating and talking strategy. Finn looks at her, tells her the lasagna tastes awesome and he suggests that it's best if he talks to Kurt.

"_I don't think that's such a good idea, Finn"_

It's pretty much her fault this whole mess started in the first place and she feels that it's her duty to fix is but Finn supposedly has other ideas

"_Yes, it is. Kurt's my brother and we need to fix this"_

That's exactly it, isn't it?** They** need to fix it, as in the both of them. They both made him feel left out and that was never her intension. She sighs and nods when Finn walks off towards Kurt's bedroom  
_"Good luck"_

* * *

She's been doing the dishes when she hears a door slam shut and sees an extremely angry Kurt walking towards her.

"_**You **__are un-believable Rachel Berry_" He's pointing his fingers at her and stomping his foot angrily.  
She doesn't know what happened between Finn and Kurt but she can tell that it wasn't a good conversation.

Suddenly Finn appears in her line of sight, face flustered silently pleading with her to help  
_"Kurt, don't do this right now"_ Finn appears to be pleading with him but Kurt's not having it.  
He needs to get everything out on the table. He's been quiet for long enough

"_Don't do this? Don't do this?"_

"_That freaking bitch ruined __**everything! **__She can't handle the fact that you and I were in a good place. She had to have you all to herself"_

She doesn't understand where this is coming from. And, it's not true. She just wanted them to have a nice clean and normal household, or as much as you can have that with two guys and a girl living together _"What?"_

"_You took him from me, Rachel"_

Her eyebrows rise because she has seriously no idea what he means _"Kurt I don't know what you're talking about"_

"_Finn! You couldn't handle the fact that I was hanging out with him more than you and that's why you did what you did. You wanted him for yourself"_

Finn? She took Finn away from Kurt? How did she manage to do that? That was never her intension and she's pretty sure it's not true _"Kurt, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard"_

"_Is it?"_

She nods and looks from Kurt to Finn. He appears to be in a state of shock with the scene in front of him and she can't blame him. This has been happening every day for the last week _"Yes, it is"_

"_Then tell me Rachel Berry. Are you still in love with Finn?"_

What? She can't comprehend why he would ask her that and she doesn't know what to say to that. She can only stutter her words out because she's so flustered _"I I I "_

Kurt and Finn are now both looking at her and she knows that she has to be honest_ "Yes"_

She can see the smirk on Kurt's face and she never pegged him to be backstabbing but that's pretty much how she feels right now. He doesn't even seem faced by it. Finn on the other hand looks like a deer in headlights.

"_I'm out of here"_

He can't just leave like this. Where is he going to go? This fight isn't over. They need to resolve this  
_"Where are you going?"_

"_I don't know. Adam's maybe. Anywhere but here"_

He takes his bag from the couch, grabs a couple soda cans from the fridge and a granola bar from the kitchen counter and walks of. She knows it's going to be now or never and she can't let him leave  
_"Kurt wait"_

When he turns around and she sees the hurt look on his face she's at a loss for words. She doesn't know what to say to make him believe that she never meant for him to feel like this  
_"I can't believe that my best friend turned my brother against me! And you, Finn? I can't believe you fell for it"_

They hear the front door slam shut. She can't look at Finn right now, she just can't. This didn't just happen. She didn't just lose her best friend. The tears start streaming down her face and before she knows it she feels Finn's strong arms around her, his soft hands rubbing her back and soothing her in a state of numbness.

"_It's going to be fine, Rachel. I know my brother. He didn't mean half the things he said to you.  
Give it time"_

She hopes with all her heart that he's right because she isn't ready to lose her best friend.  
Not now, not ever.

* * *

"_Do you think Kurt's right?"_ They're sitting in front of the TV watching dancing with the stars when she suddenly can't hold it in any longer. They need to talk about this  
_"About what?"_ he questions her. She knows that he's not dumb and he probably knows exactly what she's talking about but he's playing dumb and she doesn't understand why  
_"Do you think I stole you away from Kurt?" _  
He mutes the TV, turns his body towards her and takes her hands in his  
_"Rachel, my brother says very hurtful, mean and untrue things when he's mad. You of all people should know not to take my brother seriously in times like that"_

It's true but that doesn't make his words sting any less. And she knows that deep down Kurt feels like there's some truth in his words _"I know, but this is different. I could see the look in his eyes. I really hurt him, Finn"_

"_**We **__really hurt him, Rachel. And, my brother is just being unreasonable"_

She's looking at him and she just feels so helpless. She never meant to hurt him. He's her best friend in the whole wide world and he's been there for her so many times. Finn squeezes her hand and smiles at her _"I'm going to tell you exactly what I told my brother before this whole thing got out of hand.  
I said that the only reason I did practically everything you wanted me to was because I wanted to please you. I wanted to make you feel like you were the 'boss' sort of speak and I wanted to improve our relationship"_

No, why is he telling her this. This practically confirms what Kurt has been saying _"So, he was right. I did take you away from him. Oh, god"_

Finn shakes his head and takes a deep breath _"No Rachel, that's not what I meant"_

"_Than what did you mean?"_

"_I wanted to make sure that both of you were happy with me living here. I know that you are big on cleaning and regimens and I didn't see a problem with following them. I still don't understand why Kurt is making such a big deal out of it"_

She does know and she can't blame for feeling the way he feels. It was never her intension but when she thinks about it maybe she did go about it the wrong way _"He feels like he's losing you to me"_

"_He would never"_

Somehow that statement hurt. She knows they're not in a relationship anymore but that doesn't mean she doesn't want him to be with her _"Oh"_

"_I mean, Rachel that I want to be friends with both of you. Kurt's my brother, you're my ex, and I consider you both friends. Our friendship has suffered a lot of blows lately and I wanted to make sure I got us back on track. Apparently I went about it all wrong"_

Friends? She tests the word out in her mouth and it sounds weird. Having the words Finn and Friend in the same sentence just doesn't feel right. But, she knows that's all she's going to get  
_"You want to be friends?"_

"_Yes, don't you?"_

Does she? Sure she does. She knows that's all they are ever going to be anyway. She's selfish enough to want to have Finn in her live and if a friend is the only way to go then, well, she'll take it _"Yes, but"_

She quickly stops before she digs herself into a hole she can't get out of, but apparently Finn isn't having it _"But what?"_

Can she tell him that she still loves him? She confirmed it in the kitchen to Kurt and Finn was standing there but that's not the same is it? Can she tell it to his face? She doesn't think its right. What would he do with that statement? What can they do with it? Nothing _"Never mind"_

"_No Rachel tell me"_

If he really wants to know than maybe it's best to just tell him _"It's about what Kurt said"_

"_He said a lot of things tonight"_

He's not making it easy on her is he? Does he really want her to say it? _"About me and you"_

"_What about me and you?"_

Seriously, Finn? Can you take a hint? Does she have to spell it out?  
_"That I still love you"_

"_Oh that. Well that's no news. I still love you"_

Huh? What? She didn't hear that right did she? Did he just tell her that he still loves her or did her ears deceive her? _"You do?"_

_"Yes, but that doesn't change anything. We can't be together"_

And there you have it. They love each other but they can't be together. She knew that, too much has happened for them to give it another chance. Deep down she's glad because she knows she's not ready for another relationship. Or maybe she's just not ready for another relationship with him. But will she ever be? _"Never?"_

He looks at her and gives her a tiny smile and a nudge _"I don't think about the future. I just live one day at a time and today I want to be your friend. Can you do that?"_

She knows she has no other choice. It's either friends or no Finn at all and she has lived her live without Finn before and that's not something she's willing to repeat _"I think so"_

"_Good"_

Now that that is resolved they're onto the next issue at hand. How is she ever going to get into Kurt's good graces again? _"Great, but what are we going to do about Kurt?"_

"_Tonight? Nothing. Tonight we're going to enjoy the end of dancing with the stars and then tomorrow we're going to worry about Kurt again. Deal?"  
_  
He sticks his hand out for her to shake and she smiles at him _"Deal"_

* * *

**Uhoh, Rachel and Kurt having trouble in their friendship because of Finn? This can't be good. How on earth are they going to resolve this? And Finn still loving Rachel but telling her they can't be together, auch, that must hurt. Tune in next time to find out what happens. **

**Don't forget reviews make the sun shine brighter!**


	10. Chapter 10

Kurt didn't come home last night and they're both really worried as to where he went off to.  
He's not picking up his phone either and she's starting to get really worried and she's about half way through her panic attack and calling the police when she hears the front door open and in comes a very tired looking Kurt

_"Where the hell have you been"_ she shouts at him in frustration. He doesn't acknowledge her and just starts walking towards his bedroom "_Kurt Elizabeth Hummel you are __**not **__about to ignore me for a second longer. We are going to talk about this" _Kurt still doesn't say a word, he just shrugs and keeps walking

"_Dude, come on. Talk to us" _Finn chips in, hoping that he can get his brother to talk. He doesn't like this hostility between them one bit

"_What's there to talk about, Finn? I've said everything I needed to say last night" _Kurt walks towards his brother and pats him on the shoulder _"You have fun with the brother stealing drama queen now"_

She can't believe that this is how it's going to be from now on. She didn't steal anyone and she's not about to let him talk to her like that _"__**KURT! **__Sit down and listen" _she shouts, startling both Finn and Kurt but she doesn't care. She's done playing nice because it's clearly not getting them anywhere.

Kurt just shakes his head at Finn and starts walking back to his bedroom. She's had it, she can't believe that she's going to have to resort to drastic measures. She stalks after him grabs his arm and twists him around dragging him after her and shoving him into the couch _"I said sit down and listen" _she's shooting daggers at him and she can tell that he knows she means business now because he doesn't make a move to get up. Instead he just nods and crosses his arms.

"_Good! First of all I didn't __**steal **__anyone from you"_ she states and he just huffs_ "I simply got Finn to __**agree **__with me on certain things because it would make living together so much easier in my opinion" _  
Kurt still isn't saying anything and she's looking at Finn for help but he's just looking at her, urging her to go on_ "I get that you feel left out with some of the decisions I made and I'm sorry for that. But make no mistake, I'm not about to apologize for making living together easier on everyone"_

Her words only seem to increase his anger _"What did you expect Rachel. You and Finn used to be in love for crying out loud. You're making decisions without me makes me feel like the third wheel.  
My brother doesn't even get to hang out with me anymore because __**you **__are making him do all sorts of things and __**he's **__to chicken to say no to you because that sucker would do anything for you!"_ he spits at her in one single breath, leaving her startled. She didn't know that the things she asked Finn to do would interfere with his time with Kurt.

She looks at Finn who just looks back at her guiltily _"Finn is that true?" _ She's looking at him expectantly but he just shrugs.

"_Off course it is Rachel. My brother would rob a liquor store if he would think that would make you happy" _Kurt answers for him. If she's honest deep down she knows that it's true and maybe on some subconscious level she did take advantage of that.

"_I'm sorry" _she silently whispers.  
Kurt stands up and looks from Finn to her _"What did you just say?"_

She has to smile because she knows that it's not common for Rachel Berry to give out apologies left and right. "_I said I was sorry Kurt" _She says a little louder this time making Kurt burst out into a fit of laughter.

"_Somebody please call the newspaper. Rachel Berry saying she's sorry three times in one day __**has **__to be news worthy" _

Finn can't help but release a chuckle himself. He's been pretty quiet throughout this whole ordeal because he feels like he's been put in the middle way to much as it is and he's not about to make a fool out himself. Rachel just looks at him with her hands on her hips _"What? I can apologize okay. When I know I'm wrong, which I admit isn't very often, I'll correct my mistake and apologize."_

"_Thanks for the apology Rachel, I appreciate it. __**But,**__ this doesn't solve our problem"_

"_But what exactly __**is **__the problem Kurt? Finn doing things for me doesn't have to interfere with your time with him and I'm pretty sure Finn's mature enough to make his own decision and tell me __**no**__ when needs to be, right Finn?" _

Finn has been distantly listening to the conversation going on between them but when he hears his name he has to admit that he wasn't really paying attention _"What?"_

"_I said that you are perfectly capable of telling me no, right?" _

"_Uhm, sure" _he says a bit uncertain because he knows that it's not as easy as she makes it sound.  
He would do anything for her and they pretty much just established that.

"_Right! Why don't I believe you Finn?"_ Kurt is looking at him with hooded eyes and he knows that his brother doesn't believe him and he can't blame him he wouldn't believe himself either

"_If Finn says that he can say no, he can say no Kurt" _

It's amazing at how much faith she puts in him and his words, knowing that it's not really true.  
He's going to have to speak up now or just hold it in and keep ignoring the fact that he's been acting differently _"It's not that easy Rachel"_

"_What?" _She turns around and glares at him

He swallows hard and cast his eyes down, he can't look at her when he says this  
_"When you ask me to do something and I know I shouldn't it's not that easy to just say no.  
Especially when you give me this whole speech about me being your hero and that it would mean so much to you if I just do it"_

He still can't look at her and he can hear the hurt in her small voice  
_"Why didn't you tell me that?"_

He's making himself look at her now and he can see the hurt in her eyes. He didn't mean to make her feel like crap but she has to understand that it's just not that easy _"Jeah, right and go Hey Rachel I'm sorry but your pretty eyes and your words make me melt into a puddle of goo so I would do anything for you?"_

"_Well, if you say it like that, no. That wouldn't be the way to go"_

Rachel looks at Kurt and then at Finn who are both still trying to avoid eye contact with her at this point  
Why does it feel like they've turned this whole argument into telling her what she's doing wrong and what a horrible person she is for trying to ask for help _"Okay, great. Anything else I need to know besides stealing peoples brothers and forcing them to do things they don't really want to do?" _she asks bitterly while slumping her shoulders in defeat.

Finn finally looks at her and she can tell that he's having trouble keeping it together but she couldn't care less right now.

"_Your silence is deafening, Kurt. I guess I know how you feel" _

Kurt just shakes his head and huffs, clearly he's still angry with her. Finn's just looking at her apologetically _"Rachel, we didn't mean it like that" _

She just laughs bitterly looking back at Kurt once again "_No? Because that's exactly what it sounded like to me. But hey, it's fine. I'll leave you guys do the brotherly bonding from now on and I won't __**ever **__ask __**anything**__ from either of you again!"  
_She turns on her heals and slams her bedroom door shut.

* * *

She doesn't know how long she's been in her bedroom when she suddenly hears a knock on her door  
_"Go away"_ she silently begs, she's in no mood for another fight.

To her horror the bedroom door shoots open, revealing a very sorrowful looking Kurt. She turns her whole body away from him signaling she doesn't want to talk but she can feel her bed dip telling her that he's not going anywhere

"_Rachel"_ he whispers and he puts a hand on her knee but she just stands up leaving his hand to fall to the bedside

"_No, Kurt. Just no. I get it okay. You said it yourself. I'm a brother stealing, self serving little drama queen" _His words are still ringing in her head and she can't seem to shake them

"_I didn't say it like that exactly"_

Well, no he didn't use those exact words but she's pretty sure that's exactly what he meant.  
_"Great! If you are here to remind me what you did say you might as well go now because I'm in no mood for that"_

"_No Rachel, I need to apologize" _

She whips her head around because she's pretty sure she didn't hear him right. Him apologizing to her? In what universe would that happen _"excuse me?"_

"_I said some horrible nasty things last night and just now and I didn't mean most of it"_

That's Kurt for you right there, telling her he's sorry but leaving her to guess what things he did and didn't mean _"Most of it?"_

"_Well, the part about Finn robbing a liquor store for you is true. That poor brother of mine would do practically anything to stay in your good graces"_

She lets out a deep breath because she actually knows that herself. And she doesn't know how to feel about that _"I know, and I don't know how to change it"_

"_You don't Rachel, there's nothing wrong with the way Finn feels about you. You just have to keep in mind that you are not the only one who needs him"_

She's not sure she believes that. If she can make Finn do anything she wants without him questioning her or saying no, that's absolutely not healthy and she needs to change that but right now she's more confused about Kurt's statement _"What do you mean?"_

"_Finn might not be related to me through blood but he __**is **__my brother in every other sense of the word.  
I need him too"_

Figuring it was something like that she lets out another deep breath. She knows that Finn and Kurt need their time together and she wouldn't want to get in the way of that but she still wants to spend time with Finn. They decided that they were going to try to be friends and she needs to put effort into that  
_"So, now what?"_

Kurt smiles and looks at her with determination on his face. She knows this face, it's his game face.  
It usually means that he's already thought of some sort of plan to get back on track  
_"Now we come up with some sort of way to tell Finn that he needs to learn to say no on certain occasions. And, I think Finn and I need one night a week for just the two of us"_

She was right and can't help but laugh about it. She can't say it's a bad idea though. In fact if she can get one night a week alone with Finn and a night with both of them added into the plan she's pretty sure it can work _"I agree" _

She wants to add her thoughts but Kurt beats her to it with his next words _"But I also think there should be at least one night a week we do something with all three of us" _

"_You do?"_

"_Despite what I said about you being a brother steeling drama queen you are still __**my **__brother steeling drama queen and I can't lose you over this. I don't want to lose my brother __**and **__my best friend. I need you both"_

She has to bite back some words because as much as she loves Kurt she doesn't like being revered to as a drama queen. Despite what other people might think of her she's **not** a drama queen, she's just extremely driven and passionate about her dreams _"Thanks Kurt"_

"_You're welcome"_

"_So, we're good?" _ She has to ask because she can't stand the fact of Kurt being angry with her much longer. She needs her best friend back.

"_No, but we're going to be when we talk to Finn and install those weekly get togethers"_

She knows that they still have a little way to go to get back on track but she knows there on the right track _"Thanks Kurt, I love you"_

"_I love you too, drama queen" _

She quickly thinks of a nickname she knows he hates and can't help but smile internally because she knows she's going to get an earful _"Haha, very funny porcelain"_

And on queue Kurt turns around shooting daggers at her with his eyes, hissing at her  
_"I told you to never call me that again!"_

She knew she was going to get a rise out of him by calling him by his high school given nickname  
_"I won't if you stop calling me a drama queen"_

"_But you are" _He says while standing up and retreating back into the living room

"_Kurt!" _ She takes a pillow and throws it at him but he's too quick and catches it before it lands on his head and he throws it back in her face.

"_I love you any way porcelain"_ she shouts at him before letting herself fall back onto the bed.  
Yes, they're going to be just fine

* * *

**I can't believe it's already been ten chapters. Thank god, Kurt & Rachel are on their way back. Please review and tell me what you think of the story. I love getting feedback! **

**Until next time!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello, Hello, Hello! Another chapter FINALLY! I'm sorry that it took me a WHOLE week to upload but I couldn't find the inspiration to write & I rather have you wait a little longer for a (relatively) good chapter than just write something to update. So, without further ado, here's chapter 11.  
Read it, enjoy it (if you like) & don't forget to review!**

* * *

Things have been going pretty well for the past two months. Finn learned to say no to Rachel when he really needed to and they've been having their weekly get togethers and they've actually been extremely fun. Tonight is one of those nights. Finn and Kurt are sitting at the dinner table waiting for Rachel to get home. They've set up a game of monopoly because they know she loves monopoly and it was her time to choose the game.

"_She's late"_ Kurt states while staring at the clock on the wall. Rachel is never late on game nights and she always tells one of them where she's going because she doesn't want a repeat of what happened last time with Kurt.

Finn just nods and pulls out his phone. He's got no new text messages since this afternoon when she told him she was going to the 7/11 on her way home from school to pick up some snacks.  
_"I'll just text her and ask her where she is"_  
Finn quickly types a text to Rachel and just when he's about to put his phone down it starts ringing.

"_Rachel?"_

"_Finn. I'm so sorry I completely forgot about the time. I'm at Dixies with Jonathan"_

"_Who the heck is Jonathan?"_

"_A guy from my dance class, why?"_

"_You're ditching us for a date with a guy?"_

"_I'm not ditching anyone I just forgot about the time. I'll be home in an hour"_

"_Don't bother Rachel"_

He has hung up before she could get another word in. He can't believe she would do this to them.  
Kurt has been looking forward to this game night all week because they haven't seen each other that much the past week and he even let Rachel pick the game because she kept losing all the other games they chose

"_What did she say?"_ Kurt's looking at him expectantly and he can't believe that he's going to be the one to burst his bubble

"_She's not coming"_

Kurt stands up and puts his hands on his hips _"What?"_

Finn just takes a deep breath and forces out the words  
_"She's at Dixies with some dude from her dance class"_

"_And she's not coming home?"_

"_She said she would be home in about an hour but I told her not to bother. If she rather stays at Dixies with some stupid dude then I'm not stopping her"_

He can tell that Kurt is extremely disappointed that this is going to be the first game night she's going to miss and that she can't even bother to tell them she's not going to be home on time but he's not about to let that ruin his mood _"Come on brother, we've got a game to play. I'll bring out the beers; will you put the pizza in the oven?"_

Kurt gives him a week smile _"Sure"_

"_Dude, come on. Don't let her ruin your mood. We're just going to have another brother night. Don't sweat it. We'll make her pay"_

He can tell that Kurt is getting back in game mode because he breaks out into a silent giggle and smiles at his brother devilishly _"Fine, but I'm __**not **__playing monopoly then. I'm getting Settlers of Catan"_

He's not a big fan of that game but he'll do anything to make his brother feel better right now so if that means he's going to have to play a game he doesn't really like then he'll do it.

"_Fine by me!"_

* * *

She tries to open the door as silently as she can and tiptoe into the loft. It's already 12.30 and she knows that they're probably asleep. She feels really guilty for not going home right after she called Finn but she was just having so much fun with Jonathan that she thought it wouldn't hurt to just miss one game night

"_Look who the cat dragged in"_ Finn's voice startles her and she drops her shoes sending them to the floor with a loud thud.

"_I thought you would be asleep" _She confesses sheepishly and when she looks around she can tell why he's not. There are beer bottles on the coffee and dinner table and from the looks of it they had fun without her anyway

"_And miss the chance to give you a piece of my mind? I don't think so" _

She can tell he's mad and he's slightly slurring his words signaling her that he's buzzed.  
_"Finn, can we do this tomorrow. I'm really tired right now"_

He's looking at her with murder in his eyes and she knows whatever is going to come out of his mouth isn't going to be good and she doesn't want to do this right now so she picks up her shoes, hangs her jacket on the coat rack and silently walks towards her bedroom but his loud voice startles her_  
"No, we can't. You missed game night Rachel. How could you?"_

What is he going on about game night for, it was just one night. It was the first time she missed any nights and she doesn't understand why he's getting mad over her about it. Sure, she should have called and let them know that she wasn't going to make it but to get on her case about it like this is just infuriating _"It's just a stupid ass game night, Finn. No big deal"_

He stomping towards her and signaling her to go into the kitchen with him so that they don't wake up Kurt with their arguing. That's the last thing he wants to do, wake up Kurt. He finally got him to agree to go to bed after waiting for Rachel to show up for hours _"No big deal? No big deal?"_

"_No! It looks like you had fun without me anyway" _She's throwing her arms around pointing at the empty beer bottles and pizza leftovers

He's still glaring at her and he's coming dangerously close to her face right now  
_"We did, but that's not the point"_

She still doesn't see the big deal here. They had fun without her; she'll be here next game night.  
_"What is the point exactly, Finn?"_

"_Game night is supposed to be with the tree of us Rachel, Kurt, me __**and **__you!"_

"_And I missed it this one freaking time, whatever!"_

He takes a step back, hurt evident in his eyes and she doesn't understand why.

"_You really don't get it do you Rachel?"_

She shakes her head because she really doesn't. It's not like she missed it on purpose or never went to any of their previous nights, it was just one game night.

"_This game night means the world to Kurt. It's his only guaranteed time with the three of us and he hasn't seen you all that much this week and he was really looking forward to spending time with us"_

And then it dawns on her. It's not so much about the game night as it is about spending weekly time together because of their busy schedules. Suddenly she feels a pang of extreme guilt through her entire body and she has to look away shamefully _"Oh, I didn't think of it that way"_

Finn huffs and points an accusatory finger at her  
_"Off course you didn't because you only think about yourself"_

Wow, she didn't think he would actually be this upset about it and she knows she can be a little self obsessed sometimes but to throw it in her face like that is just low and she didn't expect that from him _"That's not fair, Finn"_

He takes another step away from her, the hurt look still evident in his eyes and he just takes a deep breath before looking at her _"You know what's not fair, Rachel. Having to spend the entire night trying to cheer up your depressed brother because he was looking forward to spending time with his brother __**and**__ his best friend. That's not fair. But hey, what do **you** care" _

She's looking at Finn and it all just hits her this much harder because now she understands where all of this is coming from. She hasn't been home much this past week and tonight was supposed to be their night of fun and catching up and she ditched them to hang out with a guy she just met _"I do care"_

His bitter laugh surprises her and she doesn't know what to do or say to make this okay

"_Funny way of showing it"_

Without another word he turns around and leaves the kitchen. She stalks after him into the living room planning on talking this out before going to bed _"Finn!"_

Apparently Finn has other ideas because he just walks straight through the living room towards his bedroom and just before he opens his door he turns around, glares at her one last time  
_"I hope you had fun on your date with Jonathan, Rachel. I hope he was worth disappointing your best friend over!"_

He leaves her standing there, in the hall way, flustered. She feels her feet giving way under her and she slumps down against the wall, her hands in her hair  
_"He wasn't" s_he silently whispers

* * *

She feels like the biggest self absorbed bitch on the planet when she wakes up and reevaluates last night.  
Finn was right, she just thinks about herself all the time and doesn't take other people's feelings into account and she doesn't know how she got that way. She has always been a bit on the self absorbed side but it feels like New York did a total number on her. She thought that with her returning to her old self on the outside would help get the inside back on track too but apparently that'll take a lot more work. She knew it was never going to be easy to get the old Rachel back but last night proved to her that she still has a long way to go. As self absorbed as she was in high school this would have never happened back then. She would have never blown of her best friend to go on a date with a guy.

She's actually a little afraid to get up and eat breakfast because she knows it Saturday and on Saturdays both Kurt and Finn don't have any particular things to do until noon. But, she also knows she has to talk to Kurt and she can't avoid Finn forever. They're living together and she has to apologize for her ugly way of blowing of game night. But, when she enters the kitchen she isn't met with the witty friendly banter that normally goes on between Finn and Kurt, she's met with silence and an empty kitchen table.  
Looking around for any sort of life in the loft she quickly finds it to be extremely quiet and when she looks at the coat rack she doesn't see either of their coats hanging there.

She walks towards the fridge and notices a note attached to it that has her name on it. She takes the note, folds it open and reads it

_Rachel,_

_Since you didn't feel the need to participate in our game night we didn't feel the need to have breakfast with you this morning like we usually do on Saturday morning. Finn and I are going to the park and after that we're probably going to catch a movie. We would've invited you to come but we figured you might want to go with Jonathan instead because he's obviously important enough to you to stand us up for._

_Kurt_

_P.s We're all out of bread and soymilk so I guess you're just going to have to go to the store and get your breakfast. I would say I was sorry, but frankly I'm not. _

Feeling like she deserved everything he wrote to her she just takes a deep breath, grabs her coat and hurries towards the grocery store.

She was planning to just grab everything she needed and hurry to the check out because she left the house in her pajamas and without any make up but off course I wouldn't be that easy.  
Standing right in front of her at the check up line where Kurt and Finn happily chatting away about what they were going to do today. She was so far away with her thought that she didn't feel the card that has been pushed behind her into her back.

"_Oh, I'm so sorry miss" _

She turned around and smiled at the woman. No need to get angry when she didn't even feel it  
_"It's fine. I didn't feel anything"_  
The moment those words leave her mouth she instantly wishes she wouldn't have said anything because Kurt and Finn whip their heads towards her and she can't run now.

"_Oh, look who it is, Finn. It's the back stabbing game night ditching brother stealing drama queen"_

She's in no mood for this. She hasn't had her morning breakfast yet and she doesn't want to start a fight in a grocery store _"Doesn't it ever get tired coming up with those long horrible names?"_

"_Does it ever get tiring to be so self riches?" _he counters back and she knows she's not going to win this fight here

"_Look, I'm not doing this here. If you want to talk about it I'll be home" _and without another word she turns around and leaves to go find another check out to pay for her groceries

* * *

**Uhoh, trouble in paradise! Well, it wasn't really paradise to begin with but it's drama none the less.**

**Until next time! Xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**First of all thank you to all my readers & reviewers. I need to clear a couple things up. First of all, yes, I do make Rachel 'look' bitchy at times but I in no way HATE her character. Actually she's the best character on glee in my opinion but it's sometimes beneficiary to the story to make her character in this story act a little 'ooc'. Don't hate me for it it's just the way this story works! Second of all, I have a job that I have to go to every day that makes it hard for me to update more than once a week so that's why as much as I have this story 'mapped out' I can't update as much as I want to. I'm sorry if that upsets you or annoys you but it's the way it is. I'm off work in a week for summer break and then I can update more probably. Now, enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

Things have been steadily going back to normal for the past few weeks. Kurt had been ignoring her for the better part of the first two and is starting to warm back up to her and Finn just pretends like nothing ever happened but she can see his reluctance towards her when he thinks she isn't paying attention and it bothers her to no end.

"_So, game night tonight? What do you guys say?" _They're sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch when she decides to bring it up. Neither of them had said anything about it since the last game night and they haven't had any since. She knows that if they really want to get back on track they need to reinstall the game night and she's planning on going all out tonight

"_I thought I could make apple pie and those caramel cupcakes you guys like so much and we could play a game of scrabble or twister" _She explicitly suggests scrabble or twister because she knows that those are two of the games both Finn and Kurt like very much.

"_I can't sorry" _Kurt's looking at her from his plate of pancakes and he manages to look a little bit guilty because he knows how much of a deal was made when she blew off game night a couple weeks ago

"_Me neither" _Finn's voice startles her out of her thoughts.

What? They're both going to blow her off now? They haven't had a proper night together in over a month and it's long overdue _"What? But it's game night" _

"_Jeah, and last time I checked we haven't had them in over three weeks so what's one more right?"_

She can't believe Kurt right now. He was the champion campaigner for game night and now he's bailing?

"_I agree. I have a date with Amy anyway so count me out"_

What? Amy? She hasn't heard anything about a girl named Amy before and since when does Finn go on dates? _"Who's Amy?"_

Kurt looks from Finn to Rachel and shakes his head_ "You don't know about Amy?"_

"_No, who is she?"  
_  
She can barely manage to keep herself from throwing up her orange juice when she hears the next words leave Kurt's mouth _"Finn's girlfriend"_

Why didn't she know about this? Why didn't he tell her and why hasn't she met this girl yet. She's looking at Finn expecting an answer

"_She's not my girlfriend"_

"_Yet" _Kurt whispers with a small smile on his face. He knows exactly what he's doing and she does not like it one bit.

"_You've been seeing her for two months now Finn, I'll say she's your girlfriend"_

Two whole months and he didn't tell her about it? She knows they haven't been that close over the last month due to everything that happened but before that there was plenty of time to have told her

"_She's not"_

She can't believe he's been hiding this girl from her. What's he afraid of, she's going to kill her or something? _"Wait. You've been dating someone for the past two months and I didn't know about it?"_

She knows it sounds childish and stupid but she just can't believe he wouldn't tell her

"_You're not my mother Rachel, off course you didn't know about it. It's none of your business who I date"_

Wow, she didn't expect him to react so harshly. To tell you the truth, it hurts knowing that he didn't feel the need to tell her that he was dating someone. She thought they were friends, apparently she thought wrong

"_Auch, Finn. Can you be a little less harsh?" _ Kurt's voice brings her back to the conversation but suddenly she doesn't feel like talking anymore.

"_What? It's the truth. She doesn't get to tell me who to date"_

Does he think that what's she doing? She's just showing interest in the girl one of her friends is dating. Is that so wrong? _"That's not what I meant. I'm just surprised you didn't tell me about her"_

"_Well, I had other things to worry about"_

She understands that they haven't been the best of friends for the past month and she knows she needs to make an effort to change that and suddenly she gets a brilliant idea. _"So, who is it? Invite her over, I want to meet her"_

"_Why? So you can scare her away?"_

Why does he have to be so quick to jump to conclusions? Just because they haven't had the best track record in meeting each other's dating material doesn't mean it has to turn out ugly this time.

"_The girl just __**asked **__about Amy, Finn. Chill" _

She smiles at Kurt thankful for the intervention, at least he seems to understand where she's coming from

"_I'm not about to let her meet both of you! I don't even know what this thing is between us so I prefer if you'd both just butt out!" _ Finn states angrily before stomping off. Rachel looks at Kurt and he's trying his best to stifle a laugh and when he sees her face they can't help but both burst out into a fit of giggles.

"_That went well" _She manages to say through her laugh

"_Jeah"_

* * *

"_So, let me get this straight. You stole Amy's number from Finn's phone and told her to come over for game night tonight? This has disaster written all over it Rachel"_

Well, if he says it like that it sounds like she committed a horrible crime but she didn't. She was just trying to help. She feels that Finn is just scared to open himself up to another girl and he feels that meeting Rachel and Kurt would make it official. But, he's been seeing this girl for over two months know. No matter how you spin it this Amy is probably thinking that he's some sort of freak with no family if she hasn't met them yet.

"_No, it's going to be fine Kurt. I just think that it's not fair of Finn to hide this girl from us. We're not monsters; he doesn't have to feel the need to be worried about introducing us"_

She's planning on being on her best behavior all night and giving out an outstanding long lasting impression to this girl; she just wants to find out how serious Finn really is about this Amy character

"_Maybe he should be when you steal his phone and invite his girl over for a game night without him knowing about it"_

If Kurt is referring to Amy as Finn's girl she knows she has to entertain the notion that it's indeed serious between them and she needs to make sure that Amy isn't some sort of freak or someone who's going to take advantage of Finn. He might not be her boyfriend anymore but that doesn't mean she's not protective over him _"She's not his girl, Kurt. He said so herself. I just want to know who he is dating"_

"_So that's what this is all about?"_

Kurt is looking at her with his devilish smile and he pats her shoulder giving her a once over  
_ "You're jealous"_

What? Kurt thinks she's jealous of Amy? Why would she be jealous of Amy? If Amy is the girl for Finn then there's nothing to be jealous about. She wants him to be happy that's all there is to it _"Am not"_

"_Am too"_

She knows she's not going to win this round so she decides to let it go for now  
_"Ugh, your insufferable sometimes Kurt"_

"_Insufferably right" _he smiles smugly

She doesn't understand what the big deal is; she just wants to get to know the girl that's been having Finn's attention for the last two months. The girl who he apparently blows of game nights for now, game nights who he made sure to tell her time and time again were important to all three of them.  
What's the harm in getting to know the girl?

* * *

He's been sitting in front of the TV for about thirty minutes now bouncing his knees up and down and it's really getting on her last nerve "_Kurt, could you be any more obvious. He's going to know something's up the minute he walks out of his room. Just chill, will you!"_

"_That's easy for you to say Rachel. It was your idea; I'm the one who went along with it. Which I still can't believe I did by the way"_

She knows that it was all her idea and she somehow got Kurt to agree with her but she also knows that deep down he's just as curious as she is as to why he feels the need to hide this girl from them  
_"Don't you want to meet this Amy girl?"_

"_Sure I do but-"_

"_No buts, she'll be here in about ten minutes"_

Before he can say another word the door to Finn's bedroom opens and out comes a very sharp and handsome looking Finn. She has to swallow back a comment because she knows it's not appropriate for her to say something. Thankfully Kurt tells him what she wanted to say in the first place  
_"Wow, Finn. If didn't know any better I would say you were dressed to impress"_

"_Very funny Kurt"_

His tone of voice is annoyed but his eyes twinkle with something mysterious letting her know that he likes the compliment _"Okay, so I'm just going to go. See you guys around. Don't wait up for me"_

Rachel's about to say something when the doorbell rings starling them all.  
Finn just looks at both of them and shrugs _"Are you expecting someone?"_

He's looking at her and she feels that he might know something's up because she can't seem to look him in the eye _"No, are you Kurt?"_

"_No"_

The doorbell rings again and Finn is already halfway out the door when he opens it to reveal a very pretty looking girl

"_Hi Finn" _The girl gives him a shy smile and he can't believe she's here, at his door, knowing where he lives.

He doesn't understand how she got the information _"Amy, what are you doing here?"_

Kurt just follows Rachel into the hallway and sees Finn looking extremely confused and Amy just steps inside and gives them both a smile _"What do you mean, it's game night isn't it?"_

Rachel has to give the girl credit, she's very pretty with her long blond hair and blue eyes but she's also surprised. She doesn't seem like Finn's type whatsoever. She looks like a little Quinn look alike and she's not sure how to feel about that.

Finn's looking from Amy to Kurt and then to Rachel signaling that he knows something's up and he's not happy about it _"uh, jeah but-"_

Amy cuts him of and hangs her coat on the rack before turning her attention to Rachel  
_"Rachel invited me, she knew how important game night was to you and she also knew you didn't want to blow of our date so she told me to join you guys"_

Finn turns his whole body towards Rachel in a rush and she's prepared for the angry look he's about to give her but she's not prepared to see hurt and that's exactly what she's seeing _"Did she now" _he says slowly and bitterly

"_Isn't that considerate of her, Finn?" _ Kurt chips in trying to light the mood because he feels that if he doesn't say something things can blow up really fast.

Finn gives him a stern look telling him to butt out so he turns on his heels and leaves  
_"It sure is but game night is canceled so we can go"_

Amy's face contorts in confusion and Rachel is silently hoping that she doesn't want to go  
_"Oh no, I wouldn't want you to cancel it on my behave I'm happy to stay and participate"_

Great, now she just needs to get this night started  
_"That would be awesome"_

"_Jeah, awesome" _Finn states bitterly when he follows Rachel and Amy into the kitchen

When they turn the corner they see Kurt preparing all sorts of snacks and drinks and whipping out the board games.

Amy's face lights up at all the games and Rachel feels like maybe she likes playing games  
_"Great, what are we playing?"_

Before Finn can say anything Rachel blurts out _"Scrabble"_

Amy looks at Finn in confusion and she doesn't understand what the problem is, Finn loves playing scrabble. It's one of his favorite games ever

"_Oh, I thought you said you hated scrabble, Finn"_

Finn, hating scrabble? Which Finn is she talking about because the Finn she knows argues with them every chance he gets for a game of scrabble _"Huh, it's your favorite game in the world"_

He gives her an angry look and she doesn't understand why he would tell Amy that he hated scrabble _"Don't be stupid Rachel you know I hate scrabble because of all the word tricks you always play on me"_

Why is he turning this around on her and Kurt, he love scrabble. She knows it, he knows it, and anyone who knows Finn knows it _"We play tricks on you? Did you fall on your head or something? You are always the one with the big words"_

"_What? I'm not"_

Kurt decides that it's time to make his presence known again and try to get this game night on track  
_"O-kay! Finn can you help me set up everything?"_

Finn looks reluctantly at Amy who gives him a silent nod  
_"Sure. I'll be right back Ames"_

"_Sure thing Sweety"_

* * *

They're sitting in the living room on the couch awkwardly looking anywhere but at each other until Amy decides to speak up _"So, Rachel, how was Finn like growing up?"_

She turns her head towards her and gives her a timid smile  
_"What do you mean?"_

"_Well, I mean he's your brother so what was he like as a kid?"_

She has to stifle a laugh. Her brother? Where did she get that idea from?  
_"My brother?"_

"_Yes. Well not your real brother I know that but he says that he doesn't feel the difference between being related by blood or not. That he loves you regardless"_

Okay, so apparently Finn hasn't been completely honest with Amy. First with the whole pretending to hate scrabble thing and now she's his sister?  
_"Uhm, jeah okay. Well, we've met in junior year of high school when I was 13 and we hit it off really good-"_

Amy's voice cut her off and she's looking rather confused  
_"Huh, I thought you guys met at the carnival in sixth grade"_

So apparently he also made up an entire back story for them. Oh well, let's see how far she can play along with this. She's pretty eager to find out what else he's been lying to Amy about  
_"Well, that's the first time we actually locked eyes but the moment we really started to become friends was in junior year"_

She can tell that Amy is starting to feel like something isn't right because she gives Rachel another confused look and quickly darts her eyes towards the kitchen  
_"But, Finn's two years older than you. How can you have met in junior year?"_

What? Finn told her he was 22. She's surprised Amy fell for that with the baby face he's still sporting at twenty years old _"Finn's not 22" _

"_Off course he isn't he would be a very young agent if he was 22"_

He said he was an agent? This story is getting more interesting by the minute  
_"Agent?"_

"_Yes, he told me he was an agent who looks for young writing talents to sign to his company"_

His company? How old does Amy think Finn is exactly  
_"Did he now"_

"_What else did he tell you about himself? Or about me and Kurt?"_

Amy seems to ponder that question before turning her attention to Rachel and going into a quite entertaining story _"Let me see. Finn Berry is a 24 year old agent. He's been in New York for the last three years living with his sister and her boyfriend who both attend NYADA and are real Broadway divas"_

What the actual fuck? Finn Berry? He used **her **last name and he told her he was 24! Seriously? This is getting extremely ridicules "_He said WHAT?"_ she practically screams jumping from the couch

"_Okay, maybe I made up the part about the Broadway divas but that's about it"_

She doesn't have the energy to even think about the fact that it was Amy's idea to call them Broadway divas, she's not sure she likes this girl. She does know she needs to talk to Finn **right now**

"_Will you excuse me Amy, I'll be right back. I'll send my __**boyfriend **__in to entertain you while I talk to my __**brother" **_She shouts while walking towards the kitchen making sure that both Amy and Finn hear her

He's standing at the kitchen counter making mayonnaise when she whacks his arm pretty hard  
_"What the fucking hell is wrong with you, Finn"_

Finn turns his head around towards her and gives him her innocent smile _"What?"_

"_You told her I was your __**sister **__and Kurt is my boyfriend? What the fuck? And you're a 24 year old agent? What the heck is going on, Finn?" _

She can tell that he's surprised that she got all of this out of Amy so fast but he had to know she was going to ask questions. She can't believe he would actually think he could get away with this  
_"This is not you, making up lies like this"_

He casts his look downs and just shrugs his shoulders unable to come up with anything to explain his actions. She doesn't know why he would do such a thing. Why would he make up an entire fake live?_  
"What are you afraid of?"_

"_Maybe I just want to live someone else's live for a while, Rachel. Maybe I don't want to be Finn Hudson the Lima loser who couldn't keep his fiancée interested in him"_

And then it hits her. He still doesn't feel like he fits in here in New York, deep down he still feels like the Lima loser he made himself out to be _"Is that what this is all about, Finn? You still feeling like a lima loser?"_

He silently nods and she can see tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes.  
She guides him towards an empty chair and sits down across from him. She takes both of his hands in hers and makes him look at her  
_"Look around, you're in New York, you're with me and Kurt. You got into the second best school of the state; you're doing amazingly well with your grades. You have friends that love you for who __**you **__are and I think you've done pretty well. Sure, we're not together anymore but that has nothing to do with you not being able to keep me interested. You and I both know that there was a lot more to it than that.  
But, I like to believe we're friends and despite what you might think that means something to me"_

He silently nods again letting the heaviness of her words sink in.  
_"Maybe it wasn't the best idea to lie to her like that but I just thought she wouldn't like me if she knew the truth"_

She gives him a timid smile and chuckles lightly _"Finn, anyone who doesn't like you for you is an idiot!"_

Suddenly he stands up and gives her a worried look _"I guess you're going to tell her the truth right?"_

"_No, I'm not; you are, but not tonight. Tonight we're going to play game night __**brother!"**_

He couldn't help but laugh at her adorable little spin she did before exiting the kitchen to rattle up Kurt and Amy for a night of fun _"Rachel?"_

She turned around just in time to hear his silent _"Thank you"_

"_Anytime Finn, this should be __**fun**__! It's good practice!" _she whispered back

And he has to hand it to her, Rachel playing the part of sister and Kurt playing along as her boyfriend made for quite an entertaining night.  
But the more he thought about Rachel's words the more he knows she's right. He can't keep lying like this towards Amy. He's going to have to tell the truth sooner or later and if she doesn't like him after that then that's her loss not his.

* * *

**Okay, I know this is a little of a 'weird' chapter for some but it is to point out that they're both not back to their 'old' selves around each other and with other people. They bot messed each other up real bad & that's a hurdle they are going to have to overcome.**

**Til nex time sweethearts!**

**Read & review :-)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay, here's another chapter for you guys! I'm on summerbreak so more frequent updates now :-)  
Enjoy**

* * *

Finn Hudson wasn't proud of many things in his life but one thing he always thrived himself to be was caring, sweet and most of all honest. He should have known that lying wasn't going to get him anywhere, didn't he learn that the last time with the whole dating Quinn thing behind Rachel's back or lying to her about sleeping with Santana? He still doesn't understand how he would think that lying to Amy about who he was would be a good idea. Okay, at the time he just thought that maybe if he just told her a little fabrication of what he does and how old he is that she would be more interested in him but it turns out that the truth always comes out when you least expect it, or want it to.  
So, I didn't really come as a surprise to him that the minute she found out she confronted him about it and broke things off. At first he didn't really know how to feel about it because at that point they've been only been exclusively and serious for about two weeks but the more time passed the more he realized that he really did like Amy and that he royally screwed up.

"_Finn, come on, get your butt off that couch and let's go out" _He had been staring at the TV blankly for the last hour before he got brutally ripped out of his thoughts by Kurt's loud voice ringing through the loft

"_I'm not feeling that great Kurt, you go"_

"_Ugh, your depression is seriously putting a damper on my mood bro. Come on"_

He knows his brother means well but he's really not in the mood for company today and he doesn't feel like talking either _"I said, I'm not feeling that great Kurt. Fuck off"_

Kurt's facial expression changes from annoyed to concerned and he plants himself down next to Finn  
_"Okay, that's it. Tell me what's wrong?"_

He should have known he couldn't keep things from his brother and he's whacking his brain to come up with something to get him of his back  
_"Why do you think something's wrong? I'm just a little sick that's all"_

"_Finn Hudson don't you dare lie to me! You are __**never **__sick and you've been moping around for a whole week now"_

Okay, so apparently he hasn't been doing a good job hiding his sorrows but that still doesn't mean he's ready to talk about it _"I'm not moping around"_

Kurt just snorts _"No? What do you call sitting in your pajamas all night watching reruns of dancing with the stars then?"_

So what if he has been moping around for the last week. Going to school, coming home and chancing into his pajamas immediately and planting himself in front of the TV watching anything that's on  
_"I just really like dancing with the stars Kurt"_

"_Jeah, and my grandmother's name is Julie Andrews"_

Huh? Did Kurt forget that they're family now? He knows for a fact that his grandmother is dead and he name wasn't Julie  
_"It's not, it's Annie"_

"_It was a metaphor Finn for me telling you that I don't buy it!"_

Oh, how was he supposed to know that? He could have just said that he didn't believe him. That would have made things a lot easier

"_Seriously Finn, you can talk to me"_

For the first time this entire conversation Finn turns his attention away from the TV and on to Kurt and he gives him a stern look  
_"Fine, but you have to promise not to tell anyone"_

Kurt laughs ironically _"Who would I tell? It's not like anyone listens to me anyway"_

"_I'm serious Kurt, not even Rachel"_

He knows that Kurt has troubles keeping secrets but he needs to know that he's going to keep this one because if Rachel finds out she's going to want to fix things and he knows that that's not going to end well.

"_Fine, I promise I won't tell a single soul"_

Finn takes a deep breath, turns his head away from Kurt and whispers _"Amy broke up with me"_

"_What? I didn't know you guys were that serious" _Kurt practically jumps from the sofa screaming

"_We were, for about two weeks. But then she found out I lied to her about everything before I got the chance to tell her and she ended things"_

Now he can tell that Kurt is getting annoyed with him because he's glaring at him with his hands on his hips, the signature move of a very annoyed Kurt  
_"Finn Hudson. You told us you were going to tell her three weeks ago!"_

He did say that, he knows that and he wanted to but somehow he never got around to it. Or maybe that's not the entire truth, maybe he was just too scared to tell her because he was so afraid she was going to end things but look how that turned out, she did anyway  
_"I know, I know. And I wanted to, I really did but things just sort of got in the way every time"_

"_Excuses, excuses. You brought this upon yourself brother. Didn't you learn anything about the times you lied to Rachel?"_

He knew Kurt was going to bring that up and he would lie if he told that he didn't think about that every single day he came home after spending a day with Amy not telling her about his lies. But somehow something just prevented him from telling every single time. And he knows that the saying is true he made his bed and now he has to lie in it or something like that. He doesn't even like making his bed!  
_"Don't you think I know that, Kurt. I've been beating myself up over this for the past week and I just don't know what to do"_

"_Do you like her?"_

Kurt next question startles him and he has to think for a second before he answers him  
_"I do, a lot, Kurt. It's the first girl I liked after this whole disaster with Rachel happened"_

"_Then you have to talk to her"_

"_I tried, Kurt. She won't return my calls or texts and she won't open the door and she's ignoring me at school. I just don't know what to do"_

He sees the determination on his brothers' face and he knows that whatever he's about to say has something to do with winning her back somehow_  
"If you really like her, try harder. Buy her flowers, write cards, or serenade her with your great voice. Anything to woo her!"_

He knows that he needs to do something big in order to win back her trust and Kurt's ideas aren't that bad to be honest and he loves the fact that his brother wants to help him  
_"Thanks Kurt, you're a great brother"_

"_I know"_

* * *

Okay, so he promised Finn that he wouldn't tell a single soul about Finn and Amy's break up but in his defense he's getting really sick and tired of this depressed state Finn has been in for the past month now. He doesn't know how long he can put up with it before he throws a temper tantrum and starts a fight over nothing and he knows that he needs to do something for the sake of both their sanity.  
So, that's why he is sitting in Rachel's bedroom with the door closed telling her they need to be really quiet in case Finn comes home and catches them talking

"_Why are we so secretive?" _Rachel's sitting on her bed looking at Kurt expectantly because she knows it has to be something big when Kurt comes to her. They both know that they're the worst secret keepers in the world. They once said to anyone who got mad at them for spilling a lie that they shouldn't know never to trust them with it in the first place because they couldn't keep a secret even if their lives depended on it.

"_Because I'm going to tell you something I'm not supposed to" _Kurt is trying his best to whisper but he's not really good at keeping his voice down

"_Oeh, secrets. Spill" _She loves secrets. Well, that is if they don't involve her in any way.

"_You've noticed Finn's state of depression over the past month, right?"  
_To be honest she hasn't been really paying attention to Finn the past few months. Ever since he got together with this Amy he's been away more than he's been home and she hasn't really had the chance to talk to him. She does know he's been feeling sick the last couple weeks  
_"Well, I've noticed him being very doom and gloom, but he told me he was sick"_

Kurt laughs and she doesn't get what the joke is about Finn being sick  
_"Yeah, love sick"_

"_What?"_

"_Amy broke up with him"_

Shit, she didn't even know that. She has been so preoccupied with school and dance class and homework that she didn't really pay that much attention to Finn and his relationship with Amy, mostly out of self preservation. That doesn't mean she doesn't know what happened  
_"What, why?"_

"_Apparently Finn didn't get a chance to tell her the truth before she found out on her own"_

Uh oh, that doesn't sound good. Finn promised that he would tell Amy the day after their last game night but something tells her he didn't have the courage to do so and it backfired on him big time  
_"Auch, that's not good"_

Kurt shakes his head _"No, and now she won't return his calls or texts and she refuses to talk to him. And, from the looks of it my advice to woo her with flowers, cards or songs didn't really help either"_

It's not that she doesn't feel sorry for Finn, she does, but she doesn't understand why Kurt would come to her with this _"And you are telling me this why?"_

Kurt stands up and starts pacing the room casting his look towards her ever now and then.  
She sees him take a deep breath _"Because I need your help"_

She didn't expect those words to come out of her mouth. Why would she want to help and what does he think she can do anyway?  
_"Excuse me?"_

"_I need you to talk to Amy"_

She talking to Amy? No freaking way! Why would she do that? What would she say? She doesn't feel the need to be the one to try and mend Finn's relationships for him. He's a big boy he can do it on his own _"No way"_

"_Hear me out Rachel. You're both girls and you've both been lied to in your relationships with Finn. You got over it somehow maybe you can help her do the same"_

He can't really be seriously asking this from her, can he? Doesn't he understand how **not **ready she is to do that? How wrong it is of him to ask this from her? _"No"_

"_Rachel come o-"_

She cuts him of harshly because she doesn't believe he has the nerve to even ask her this_  
"Kurt, I said __**no**__!"_

He's not about to give up this easy because he's giving her his determent look _"But"_

"_No buts"_

Apparently he gets the message because he slowly turns around and walks towards her door, but just before he opens it he turns around _"I thought you wanted Finn to be happy Rachel"_

Great, laying on the guilt. Off course she wants Finn to be happy, there's no question about it but her internal struggle lies with the fact she doesn't believe that he would be with Amy _"I do"_

"_Then try this for him, he really likes Amy and you kind of owe him a chance of happiness after everything you guys been through this past year and a half"_

She knows she owes him, but can she really do this for him? Can she put aside her feelings and talk to the girl he apparently has strong feelings for? Ugh, she hates Kurt, he's making her feel guilty  
_"Seriously Kurt, you're guilt tripping me?"_

Kurt turns around  
_"Is it working?"_

She takes a very deep breath because she knows she's going to regret this somehow  
_"I'll try to talk to her"_

He runs towards her and lunges himself in her arms _"Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are the best"_

She knows that he feels like he's won but she doesn't really know how she's going to talk to Amy and what she's supposed to say to her _"I said I would __**try **__Kurt, not that it would work"_

"_It'll work, trust me"_

Jeah, but that was just it, maybe that was just what she was so afraid of. That it **would **work.  
If Finn and Amy got back together there wouldn't ever be a chance for her and Finn again. But then again that ship has sailed a long time ago and she know he deserves to move on and if Finn likes Amy as much as Kurt says he does than she owes it to him to do anything in her power to help

* * *

She still doesn't understand how she let Kurt talk her into doing this but here she is standing at the front door of the apartment where apparently Amy lives. She takes a deep breath and knocks three times.

Just when she's about to turn around and bail the door flies open and it reveals a very sour and depressed looking Amy _"What are you doing here? Come to advocate for your __**brother**__? Oh wait; he isn't your brother is he. I guess you both lied" _

She's just about to get the door slammed in her face when she sticks her foot through it preventing it to fully close _"I know you're mad right now but I really would like to talk to you"_

"_You are right I'm mad as __**hell **__right now and you know what I would like?"_

She doesn't know what to say to that so she just shakes her head. Amy snorts and glares at her  
_"I would like people to stop lying to me!"_

As much as she doesn't like Amy, maybe because she doesn't know her that well she can't deny the fact that she knows what she's feeling and what she's going through right now  
_"Look Amy, I get that your upset but I really need to talk to you"_

"_So you can lie to me again?"_

Amy is looking at her through hooded eyes and she knows that she needs to earn back her trust if this is going to work  
_"No, I won't. I'll answer any question you have and I'll tell you everything you want to know"_

She holds her breath when she retracts her foot from the door and she sees the door close but she's relieved when she sees it open wide a second later and Amy signaling her to come in.

Amy doesn't look at her, just plops down on the stool and crosses her arms. She knows that this is the time where she needs to speak up and tell her everything _"Listen Amy, first of all I need to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the part I played in the lies Finn told you"_

Amy cast her eyes towards her and she can see the hurt evident in them  
_"Was any of it true? Did he have feelings for me at all or was that the biggest lie of them all?"_

She can understand the question because if she were in Amy's shoes that would be first thing she would doubt also. She thinks about the time that Finn broke up with her and secretly started dating Quinn behind her back. The one thing she wondered throughout that time when she found out was if Finn ever really had feelings for her _"Amy, do you really think Finn would be moping around the house for the past month if he wasn't serious about his feelings for you?"_

"_I don't know. I don't know what to think anymore"_

And she knows thats understandable. As much as it hurts to think about everything she went through with Finn she knows exactly where Amy is coming from right now and maybe that what's make her decide to open up to her  
_"That's understandable after what happened. I get what you're going through, trust me"_

She takes a deep breath and looks at Amy. She knows that this potentially change everything but she needs to man up and put her own feelings for Finn aside and make things right for him and Amy.  
_ "I'm not sure how much you already know but you do know Finn's not my brother right?"_

Amy shyly nods and looks at her.

"_Well, Finn's my ex-fiancé. We met in junior year and dated on and off through high school.  
At the beginning of senior year he proposed to me and after doing a little thinking, I accepted.  
Our plan was to go to New York together, live in a little shoe box apartment and build a life together. Me, at NYADA and him at the actors' studio. Things didn't really work out that way"_

She can tell that Amy is shocked because she's looking at her with those big blue eyes full of doubt  
_"What happened?"_

"_He didn't get accepted into the actors' studio and his whole life crumbled before his eyes. He felt like he wasn't good enough, that he was destined to be a Lima loser for the rest of his life and he couldn't handle that. He started to distance himself from people and the day that we were supposed to get married he drove me to the train station told me he enlisted in the army and that I was going to New York alone"_

She rattles of the entire story in one breath because she knows that if she stops and thinks about it she's going to get emotional and she doesn't need that right now.

Amy on the other hand has tears in her eyes and just looks at her shamefully "_O my god"_

"_Jeah, I know. So, I went to New York alone and heartbroken. I didn't hear from him for over three months and one night when I was finally letting myself have some fun with a guy that has been pursuing me for months he shows up at my doorstep just when I was kissing the boy"_

"_I don't know why you're telling me all this, Rachel"_

Amy is still looking at her and she knows that she doesn't really get the point of Rachel telling her all this but she's about to get to the part where she knows her opinion on Finn has to change

"_Just listen, I'm getting there_

"_He sees me kissing, shoots me a dark look, turns around and bolts out the door. I tried calling after him, calling him on his cell, leaving him text messages, even e-mails for the next couple months but he never contacted me after that"_

Amy is hanging on to every word she says and she knows she can't back out now

"_The minute I find out he's moving to New York I feel anger. Anger towards him for not telling me, anger from all of the days that I tried and failed to contact him. When he first moved here and we talked, it wasn't pretty. We fought and were on each other's case constantly. In the end we learned to sort through or feelings and emotions and I can now even say we're friends"_

"_So, you're telling me this because you can relate to being lied to is that what you're saying?"_

Is it? Is that why she's telling her all this? Maybe she's telling her everything because she just needs to get it out. She needs Amy to understand that Finn isn't the person he was in high school and that he's learned and grown up a lot but that somewhere deep down there's still that insecure boy that doesn't think he's good enough _"Yes, but not __**just **__because of this not telling me that he was moving thing. A lot of things happened in high school that made me question if I could ever truly could trust him"_

Apparently Amy is still very much interested in the story because she's looking at her with this look urging her to continue _"Like what?"_

"_When Finn and I first met he was dating one of the most popular cheerleaders at the school, Quinn Fabray. Finn and I started to develop feelings towards each other and I liked him enough to rejoin the glee club like he asked me to. He told me that it was because of the fact that he wanted to spend more time with me but it turns out he just wanted me back for my voice. Turns out, his girlfriend, Quinn, was pregnant"_

She hears Amy gasp and the shocked expression on her face tells her that he really didn't tell her anything about his previous life _"Finn has a kid? Oh god, just my luck"_

"_No, turns out the baby wasn't his. Quinn cheated on him with his best friend. But anyway, Finn and I eventually got together and things were okay for a while. Until I found out that he lied to me about being a virgin while he slept with my biggest enemy when we weren't together and then I did the most stupid thing anyone could ever do"_

She thinks about her horrible decision to want to get revenge by sleeping with Noah and she's still to this day glad that Noah had the balls to stop before things really got out of hand.

Amy's voice startles her out of her thoughts _"What?"_

"_I cheated on him with his ex-best friend, the father of Quinn's baby"_

Amy puts her hands in front of her mouth, signaling her she's extremely shocked  
_"Wow, that's bad Rachel, really bad"_

Great, she didn't need a reminder of that. Like she didn't know that herself. _"I know, but in my defense I was heartbroken that he lied to me about Santana. Well, we kind of broke up over this whole thing and then things got really weird and tense between us for a while.  
And then I found out that he was dating Quinn again behind my back and that got me __**really **__upset and I didn't want to be his friend for a long time after that"_

To this day that's still one of the worst things she thinks Finn ever did to her. There were a lot of things they both could have done differently but if she still feels insecure and bad about one thing it's the fact that he didn't have the balls to tell her that he went back to Quinn. She still to this day can feel the insecurity she felt during that time, the believe that he never really loved her at all.

Amy's voice brings her back _"Let me get this straight. He lied to you about wanting to spend time with you in the beginning, he lied to you about being a virgin, he lied to you about dating Quinn __**and **__he never told you about moving to New York and somehow you still consider him a friend?"_

She can understand that it probably looks weird that they forgive each other for all of the things they've done but in the end she can truly say that she loves Finn more after everything that happened  
_"He's the best friend in the whole wide world. Those things I told you about made him a bigger and better person and it made our relationship stronger in the end"_

"_So you forgave him for all that?"_

Amy's question doesn't surprise her, she would have questioned the same thing _  
"We forgave each other a lot of things. I wouldn't have agreed to marry him if I didn't believe he had changed"_

Amy lets out a sarcastic laugh _"But he hasn't really changed has he, he lied to me about __**everything **__Rachel. I just don't get it"_

She understands the reluctance of Amy to believe that Finn has changed, but she can honestly say that she knows he has. She has known Finn for years now and he's not the boy he used to be  
_"Don't you see Amy, it all stems from his insecurities. He thought that if he told you the truth about who he was a girl like you would never go for him"_

Amy just looks shocked _"He was wrong; I would have liked him either way"_

Yes, she's pretty sure she would have because anyone who wouldn't like the real Finn would be a fool but it's just something that Finn doesn't understand _"I know that, you know that but he doesn't get that Amy. He thinks that he doesn't deserve to be loved like that"_

"_But he does"_

Rachel can't help but smile at Amy's words. Maybe, she misjudged her after all _"Yes, he does. Finn is the most loving, caring, emotionally invested, funny, handsome guy you'll ever meet and trust me he's a catch. Anyone who ever lets him go is a fool"_

The minute she utters those words she anticipates Amy's next question _"So you regret leaving him?"_

"_I didn't actually really leave him. We lost each other the minute he put me on that train to New York. We both didn't want to believe that, but it's true"_

"_But you still love him?"_

She has to think about how to answer that question. Off course she still loves him; she doesn't think she ever stopped, although she tried rigorously _"I don't think that once you start loving Finn Hudson you'll ever get a chance to shake him. But, this isn't about me, it's about you. What do __**you **__need from Finn so that you would consider giving him another chance?"_

Amy looks at her again and she can tell that she's thinking about it  
_"I really need to think about that, Rachel"  
_She understands that it's a lot for Amy to take in what she just told her and if she was her she would have to think about it too. _ "That's understandable. Just remember that Finn Hudson is probably the most amazing guy you'll ever meet in your entire life and if you let him go it's going to be your loss"_

"_Thanks Rachel" _

She thinks that she's done all she could have done for now so she stands up, buttons up her coat and walks back to the door

Amy's voice stops her from opening the front door _"Are you still in love with Finn?"_

Rachel turns around and looks at Amy. Her eyes are still dull and the hurt is still evident on her face and somehow she knows that this answer is going to hurt her a lot more than it needs to  
_"I answered that Question, Amy"_

Amy gives a sarcastic laugh and shakes her head _"No, you said you still loved Finn"_

She doesn't understand what exactly the point is to Amy's question and she's not sure she wants to answer it again but she promised no more lies _"Yes, and I do. So what are you asking me exactly?"_

"_I'm asking you if you are still __**in **__love with Finn"_

That's a very good question. One she doesn't want to ask herself or answer for that matter  
_"It doesn't matter Amy, he's not in love with me anymore. He loves __**you**__"_

"_That's no answer" _Amy takes a step closer towards her and she has to back up a little bit because somehow she feels like the air has been sucked out of her lunges somehow.

She takes the biggest breath imaginable and says the one thing she knows to be the absolute truth  
_"I think I'll always be in love with Finn"_

She's prepared for the slap or the screaming but she isn't prepared for the hug she gets from Amy  
_"Thank you"_

When Amy steps back and gives her a watery smile she knows that coming here wasn't a mistake.  
She can tell that Amy really likes Finn and she hopes that she's going to give him another chance  
_"Please talk to Finn, Amy. He loves you"_

"_Thank you for coming, Rachel"_

"_Anytime Amy, I just want you both to be happy"_

When Amy shuts the door behind her she needs to take a minute to process it all, she leans against a wall and closes her eyes for a second.  
She knew that talking would bring up things and would stir up emotions but she didn't expect it to hit her this hard. Finn Hudson is and will always be engraved in her heart as her one true love and she doesn't know what to do about that.

* * *

**so, what do you think about this chapter. Rachel isn't really the selfcentered girl she comes across as. In the end she's just as insecure as Finn is and that's part of their problem. What do you think Amy should do, forgive Finn, move on? Let me know!**

**Reviews are highly appreciated! :-)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Another chapter for you all! I know it starts out a little rough and you think I'm going into a certain direction with Rachel again but I'm NOT just keep reading I'm sure you'll be surprised! Review my loves! Enjoy!**

* * *

Rachel's lying on the couch reading a book when a very angry looking Kurt stomps towards her and practically throws the book in her face _"What the hell did you do?"_

She doesn't understand what he means and why he would be so upset so she pushes herself up from the couch and looks at him_ "What?"_

Kurt's voice raises an octave and he's practically screaming at her _"What the hell did you say to Amy?"_

Rachel just looks at Kurt confused, what is he talking about. She didn't say anything weird to Amy did she? They just talked _"Kurt, calm down. I didn't do anything"_

"_No? Then why is my brother drowning his sorrows in booze because Amy just ended things for real?"_

Amy ended things? She thought that they had a really nice talk and she was certain Amy would agree to give him another change. She really doesn't understand what changed _"I don't know"_

"_What – did – you – say- to- Amy?" _Kurt's dragging out the words slowly making her known that he's very angry

"_Kurt, I swear we just talked about Finn and how his insecurities are what lead him to lie to her in the first place"_

Kurt just laughs at her bitterly _"And you didn't happen to mention that you where his ex-fiancé? That he lied to you about sleeping with Santana and dated Quinn behind your back?"_

Well, yes, she did tell her that but only to demonstrate her point and she did tell her that she forgave him for all that **and **that he changed didn't she? _"I might have mentioned that yes but only to demonstrate that it's his insecurities that drive him to do stupid things"_

"_Great, just great, Rachel. You managed to ruin a perfectly healthy relationship once again"_

Hold up, is he seriously blaming her for this right now? If he hadn't asked her to talk to Amy in the first place none of this would have even happened and it's not like she said things that weren't true  
_"Don't turn this all on me, Kurt. You don't know the reasoning behind all this"_

"_Oh, but I do. Miss, I'm still in love with Finn. Your 'if I can't have him no one can' act is getting __**really **__old and __**pathetic **__to be honest Rachel"_

Seriously? Is he seriously thinking that that's what this is all about? That she talked to Amy to make sure she would officially dump him? _"It's not like that"_

"_But it is Rachel, it's always like that. If Rachel doesn't get what she wants nobody can. And now if you'll excuse me I'm going to pick up my very __**intoxicated **__brother and get him home"_

Kurt's already halfway out the door and she needs to run to keep up with him _"Wait up, I'll help"_

"_Don't bother; I think you've done enough! Just make sure there's very strong coffee ready when we get back" _Kurt says before he slams the door in her face just before she steps out into the hallway.

She's standing in the kitchen when she hears a distant voice in the hallway  
_"Finn, please don't puke all over my brand new shoes"_

"_For the last time Kurt, I'm not drunk!" _Finn slurs out his words signaling that he is indeed drunk.

"_No, tell that to the street fender you puked all over on our way home" _

She has to stifle a laugh because nothing about this situation is funny but she would have loved to see the face of that street fender. She quickly retreats back into the living room with a book hoping that they didn't hear her eavesdrop.

"_I told you that those hot dogs made my insides turn but you just __**had **__to walk past it anyway"_

Kurt pushes Finn on the couch furthest away from Rachel but she can still smell his alcoholic breath and the cigarette smoke from the bar  
_"Whatever, Finn. Sit down I'm going to get you some coffee"_

Finn huffs, looks at Rachel and then turns his attention back to Kurt _"I don't need coffee, I need a beer"_

Rachel smiles behind her book, drunk Finn is always so entertaining and she has to remind herself that this isn't supposed to be funny.

"_No more alcohol for you, Finn!" _Kurt hisses before he retreats to the kitchen

Finn just shoots after him _"I'm __**not **__drunk!"_

She can hear Kurt busying himself in the kitchen with that coffee _"Whatever you say Boozy" _

It's quiet for all of five minutes before she decides to peal her head away from the book and walking to the kitchen to see if she can assist Kurt  
_"How is he?"_

Kurt glances towards the living room where Finn's sitting with his hands in his hair _"Drunk of his ass"_

She remembers the last time Finn was drunk and it didn't end well so she's not really looking forward to see how tonight is going to go _"Great"_

"_I'm going to give him his coffee" _Kurt starts walking towards the living room but quickly turns around and pushes the coffee cup into Rachel's hands _"No wait, since __**you **__are the one who practically made this happen I'm going to let you be the one to clean this up"_

She doesn't like the sound of this _"What do you mean?"_

"_You can take care of boozy over there; I'm going to go to bed"_

He can't be serious. He can't just leave Rachel to take care of a very drunk Finn. That is not going to end well _"Kurt, you can't leave me with him when he's drunk you know how he gets"_

Kurt smiles a devilish laugh and pats her on her shoulder _"Exactly why I am. Goodnight Rachel"_

She can't believe he's making her do this _"Kurt!"  
_  
But before she can say another word Kurt's already locked his bedroom door and not a minute later she can hear the whining coming from the couch_ "My head hurts, Kurt. Bring me an aspirin with that coffee will you?"_

She takes one last look at Kurt's bedroom door, huffs and turns around to get that aspirin

* * *

"_And then Kurt came to pick me up and those hot dogs were just so nasty smelling, Rach. I swear. So, I just had to puke all over that dude"_

She's been sitting beside him at the bathtub for the past thirty minutes getting the nasty smell of his body before he can go to bed. She knows he'll thank her in the morning. If there's one thing she knows about a drunken Finn it's that he's a very honest and emotional drunk so she figures the sooner she gets him in bed the better it is for both of them

"_You know what that dude said to me?"_

"_No"_

"_He told me I had to pay for new clothes. Well, he can buzz off. It's his fault I puked anyway. He needs to make better hot dogs. Promise me you'll never buy hot dogs from that dude, Rach"_

She has to laugh at that. She doesn't even know which hot dog fender he means

"_Promise me, Rach"_

He's been using her nickname for the past hour every chance he gets and she's not sure he realizes it but she's too tired to correct him and maybe deep down she likes to hear it.

"_Promise me!" _he urges when he grips her wrist and she has to cast her look away from him otherwise she's going to burst out laughing

"_Okay, okay. I promise" _

"_Thank you. You know, you really are awesome Rach"_

"_No I'm not." _ She says before handing him a towel so that he can dry off. But when he attempts to get up from the tub he practically falls over and she has to hold him up and before she knows it he's hugging her with his wet body, soaking her.

"_Whoops" _He says sheepishly before gripping the sink and climbing out of the tub

"_Guess you are a little drunker than you thought huh, Finn"_

"_Jup" _

He smiles that cute little dimpled smile of his and she can feel her insides melt. This is not good, she needs to get out of this bathroom right now _"I'll let you get dried of and then we'll get you to bed"_

* * *

"_Rach?" _

She's been sitting in the living room for no longer than three minutes when she hears him call her name and she hurries towards the bathroom. She has to quickly look away when she sees him standing there in all his naked glory smiling at her _"Finn Hudson, put some clothes on for god's sake"_

He looks at her sadly and shakes his head _"But you told me to get dried of and I did"_

She isn't in the mood to play games like this and she really doesn't like this tingly feeling that keeps resurfacing in her stomach every time she looks at him _"How old are you, six? Get dressed!" _she says a little harsher than intended.

He looks away from her to his pile of clothes and starts getting himself dressed  
_"I don't like it when you're mad at me"_

She has to keep reminding herself that this is drunk Finn talking and that she can't get mad at him  
_"I'm not mad Finn, just get dressed will you"_

"_Ai ai captain!"_

When she returns to his bedroom a little while later with a bottle of water and some more aspirins he's already half asleep by the looks of it. She puts the bottle and aspirins' on his bedside table and opens up his spread to get him in bed

"_Come on, Finn. Hop in" _She takes one of his arms and hangs it over her shoulder holding him up.

He opens his eyes and looks at her drowsily _"Hmm. I'm tired"_

"_I know, just climb on in"_

When she finally after a little struggle gets him in bed and tucked in she turns around to leave but his voice stops her _"Rach?"_

"_Jeah"_

She turns around and looks at him and he has his eyes focused on her  
_"Do you know why Amy broke up with me?"_

She's not ready for this now, not with him drunk of his ass. Not when he's probably going to tell her that it's all her fault _"We can talk in the morning, Finn"_

He's still looking at her and it doesn't look like he has any intension of letting this go_  
"She said that you were still in love with me and that she knew I still had feelings for you"_

If that is the reason that Amy broke up with Finn she has to give her some credit, because she didn't really get that from the talk they had but then again she doesn't really know Amy all that well  
_"Get some rest, Finn"_

Finn apparently has different ideas because when she gets up from the bed he grabs her arms and pulls her forward _"Come here" _he says just before he takes her head in his hands and plants his lips on hers.

She wasn't prepared for that to happen so she just sits there, stunned. But when she feels him trying to probe her mouth open with his tongue she can't keep it in any longer and she opens up giving him access. Their tongues dance around each other in a heated dance for a good while before they both have to come up for air. She's looking at him and he's looking at her and they both don't know what to say. Rachel is the first one to break the silence but before she can get a word in he reattaches his lips on hers and pulls her beside him and flips them over so that he's on top. He starts to trace kisses up and down her neck and collarbone and his hands travel down her hips and up her shirt. Her breath gets caught in her lunges; she has been waiting for this for so long. But then the doubt creeps in her mind, this isn't what he really wants he's just drunk and horny. Any girl who would have been in his bedroom would get the same treatment right now and that's when she decides that this can't go any further. She pushes him off her, leaving him startled

"_What's wrong?" _He asks when he crawls back up and pecks her lips again

It takes every bit of strength she has inside her to push him away again and when she sees the hurt in his face she has to turn away _"I can't do this, Finn. You're drunk; you don't know what you're doing"_

He huffs and makes her look at him _"I'm not that drunk Rachel. I know exactly what I'm doing"_

But she can see in his eyes that he's not really there. Or maybe, she just needs to believe that he isn't so that she can have an excuse not to do this, not to go to that place again where she will let herself feel all of the love she has for Finn Hudson _"No you don't. Goodnight Finn"_

He lets out a small breath, looks at her and when he realizes that she's not going to give in he turns around, climbs back in bed and closes his eyes _"Goodnight Rachel"_

She has to take a minute to compose herself before she gets up from the bed and leaves. Just before she opens the door she can hear him calling for her once again _"Rachel?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_If you don't believe anything else I said tonight that's fine but just know that I love you, you have to believe that!" _  
She doesn't say anything, just stares at the figure in the dim lit room staring back at her with such honesty in his eyes that it takes everything she has to walk away.

She closes the door behind her and runs towards her bedroom replaying the words she wanted to hear from him for so long over and over again_ "I love you"_ _"I love you" "I love you"_  
What do people always say about drunken people? Drunk minds are sober thoughts? Maybe there's hope for them after all

"_I love you too, Finn"_ she says before she turns of her light and succumbs to the darkness lulling her to sleep

* * *

Kurt's sitting at the breakfast table alone when Rachel walks in and she's relieved that Finn hasn't woken up yet. She's in no mood to talk to him about what happened last night

"_Good morning Sunshine, how did things go with Finn last night?" _

She didn't expect Kurt to bombard her with questions the minute she woke up  
_"What do you mean?"_

Kurt gives her a small apologetic smile, she knows he feels sorry about leaving her to take care of Finn alone last night _"Did you get him to bed okay?"_

"_Jeah, I got him to take a bath and then I dragged his drunken ass to bed"_

"_Nothing interesting happened?"_

A lot of interesting things happened and were said but nothing she wants to talk to Kurt about  
_"Nope, as soon as he saw the bed he pretty much passed out"_

"_So I didn't miss anything?"_

"_Nope, nothing. He just kept going on and on about that street fender he puked on"  
_She has to look away while she says that, not at all comfortable lying to Kurt

Kurt just laughs again_ "That poor boy. Finn puked __**all **__over him" _

"_Finn puked all over who?" _ They didn't hear Finn come in so his voice startles them and she can't seem to make herself look at him

"_The hotdog fender" _Kurt chips in and Rachel is looking anywhere but at Finn.

"_That guy got it coming" _Finn looks at Rachel and just when they're eyes look he gives her a timid smile

Kurt huffs and looks at Rachel _"That's apparently all that you said last night"_

Finn casts his look from Kurt to Rachel and when their eyes look she can tell that he remembers everything that happened last night _"Oh is that so Rachel?"_

What does he expect from her? Just go hey we kissed and almost had sex last night because you were drunk but I stopped us before things got out of hand? She doesn't think that would be a good idea _"Jeah" _ She sees a look of hurt cross his features and she doesn't know what to do so she quickly pushes her chair away, scrambles the bread she prepared together and gives them both an apologetic look  
_"I have to get going, I have classes at noon"_

Finn looks at her and then at the clock _"But it's only ten thirty"_

Shit, she didn't think about that. She needs to come up with an excuse fast _"Jeah, I told one of the girls I would be there early to help them practice"_

They seem to buy it because they both go back to eating their breakfast _"Okay"_

"_Bye guys"_

Finn just looks at her one last time before getting into a conversation with Kurt  
_"Bye Rach"_

* * *

She's been sitting in the park for over an hour now replaying last night's events in her head. If she didn't have the strength to stop him they would have ended up making love, she's sure of that.  
At this point she doesn't know how she feels about that and she knows that she has to talk to Finn sooner or later but she can't. She's not ready to hear that it was a mistake and that it should never ever happen again. But then again, what if it's not? What if this is their one last shot at happiness together? Don't they owe it to themselves to find out if it could work?

As soon as that thought comes into her head she pushes it out. No, they have had plenty of chances and they blew it. If the universe really wanted them together they would have been married by now, living together, being happy together. They had their chance, they're just not meant to be. But then why is that little voice in the back of her mind telling her not to give up?

* * *

**Intersting enough chapter,right? A lot actually happened but how are they going to react to it? And what about Amy? Do I need to keep her in as a 'friend' or do I just leave her irrelevant to the Finchel story? Let me know!**

**Til next time!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay, so I said I would update more and it's still almost been a week since the last one. I'm sorry, but I've been sick this past week (people that follow me on twitter/tumblr know what's up) and haven't been in the mood to write much. But, I'm back with another chapter for you and if everything goes well I'll have another one up by the end of the week. Enjoy this chapter and please review!**

* * *

She doesn't really know how they got to this point. It's been a week since the drunken love confession from Finn where they kissed and she has been acting as normal as she could towards him but he seems to be ignoring her again. If there's one trade she absolutely hates about Finn it's the fact that he doesn't own up to his actions and practically always uses the ignore button when he doesn't know how to deal with whatever is going on. He did it when they were together and he's still doing it now. Only this time she doesn't know how to deal with the situation either, she doesn't know what she's supposed to say to make him talk. It's frustrating to think that she doesn't know if he's ignoring her because he feels like he made a mistake by kissing her or because of something else entirely. She wishes she was strong enough to confront him about it but she isn't. She's feeling extremely vulnerable since that kiss and she doesn't want to put herself out there when it's pretty obvious to her that it's going to end in heartbreak.

She's walking into the kitchen where's Kurt making breakfast  
_"Morning Kurt"_

Kurt smiles at her and points with the spatula towards the pan _"Baked or scrambled?"_

She loves Kurt. He knows she isn't the best morning person and he's always up before her and he tries to make her breakfast. He says he does it because he knows that she won't eat breakfast otherwise and she has to admit he has a point _"Scrambled please"_

He puts the bread in the toaster and turns around towards her and glares at her  
_"So, what's the deal with you and Finn?"_

Great, she thought that she did a good job at doing as normally as she could when Kurt as around but apparently he saw right through it, but she's not about to stir up trouble and admit that something's wrong_ "What do you mean?"_

Kurt starts putting the eggs on a plate and scoots it towards her _"Finn's going out of his way to avoid you and he only does that when something happens. So spill"_

It's all Finn's fault, she's been trying to act as normal as possible but he can't seem to say a single word to her _"I don't know what you're talking about Kurt, Finn and I are fine"_

She hears footsteps behind her and turns around to look at a flustered Finn who's looking anywhere but at her. Kurt just smiles at him and points towards the pan _"Goodmorning Finn, baked, cooked or scrambled?"_

Finn casts his look at Rachel, grabs an apple from the fruit bowl and gives his brother a timid smile  
_"I'm good. I have to go" _

Before they both can say anything else Finn's already out the door. Kurt turns off the stove and sits himself down opposite Rachel _"See what I mean?"_

"_He probably just has early classes and doesn't have time for breakfast. Don't read too much into it, Kurt"_

She hates that she has to make up excuses for him and she doesn't know how long she can keep doing it before she explodes. It's not like Kurt believes her excuses anyway.

"_I don't believe you and I promise you I'll find out what's wrong"_

She huffs and glares at him, putting a spoonful of eggs in her mouth _"For the last time Kurt, there's nothing going on. Finn and I are fine"_

Kurt just laughs a little devilish and she knows he's already planned something to get them together and prove his theory right _"Great, then we're going to have family night tonight. I'll pick the movie and you can get the snacks from the 7/11 on your way home from school"_

"_I don't think that's such a good idea, Kurt. I have a lot of homework and I'm sure Finn has other plans too"_

"_If what you're saying is true and there's nothing wrong between you two prove it. Have family night with us"_

She knows that there are two things she can do. She can agree and sit through a horribly awkward family night with Finn and Kurt or she can find another excuse that she can't participate _"Fine, I'll be there"_

* * *

Kurt is sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Finn to come home so that he can confront him about his attitude towards Rachel. Both Finn and Rachel may think that they can fool him but he's not as stupid as they think. He knows something went down between them last week and he'll be damned if he isn't go to find out what it is. He doesn't like the fact that they appear to be on none speaking terms and if he can be the one to do something about it, he's not going to pass that opportunity up.

The front door open and Kurt bolts towards the hallway startling Finn with his presence  
_"Finally, I've been waiting for you forever"_

Finn looks at him confused and drops his bag _"Kurt, it's four thirty. I had classes until four. What's going on?"_

"_I need to talk to you"_

He knows that if Kurt bombards him like this just when he's walking through the door that something is seriously bothering him and he can't say no to his little brother _"Can I first hang up my coat and put my stuff away before you're going to grill me about whatever's bugging you?"_

Kurt steps to the left to give Finn access into the house _"I'll be in the kitchen with coffee and donuts"_

Finn smiles at Kurt; he must have something serious on his mind because coffee and donuts are usually a peace offering _"Geez, it has to be something serious if you're bribing me with coffee and donuts"_

"_Just hurry Finn"_

About five minutes later a very tired looking Finn enters the kitchen accepting the coffee that Kurt offers him _"Thanks. Can you please make this quick. I'm tired and not in the mood for a long ass rant. Whatever I did I'm sorry"_

Kurt has never been one to directly address his problems but Rachel thought him not to beat around the bush in order to get what he wants _"Why are you ignoring Rachel?"_

Finn practically spits out his coffee and looks at him confused  
_"What? I'm not ignoring Rachel. I'm just busy"_

"_Jeah, tell that to the cat who doesn't believe you either"_

"_Kurt, I've been busting my ass off in school and I've just been busy. Why, what did she say?"_

Finn thinks about what Rachel could have said to his brother to get him to question his behavior towards her but he can't come up with something. Surely Rachel didn't tell Kurt that she feels that he's been ignoring her, he knows she wouldn't do that _"It's not something she said Finn, it's what I've been observing this past week"_

He thought he had been very subtle with his ignoring but apparently Kurt picked up on some of it  
_"What do you mean?"_

"_Finn, you can do a lot of things but fooling me isn't one of them. You didn't know how quick you had to bolt out the door this morning with just a freaking apple when Rachel was in the kitchen. Normally you eat a breakfast of champions and now you're telling me you survived on a freaking apple?"_

He knew that it would have been best to stay for breakfast this morning but he can't just be in Rachel's presence nowadays. He just doesn't know what he's supposed to say to her. Is he supposed to be sorry for the kiss, sorry for telling her that he loved her, when all of it was true?  
_"I overslept and had an early class, no biggy"_

Kurt lets out a bitter sarcastic laugh _"That's exactly what Rachel said"_

"_It's true"_

Another sarcastic laugh from Kurt leaves Finn startled. He should have known better than to fool his brother. Kurt just claps him on the back _"No, it isn't. But, if there's nothing wrong between you two and you're not actively ignoring her you can join us tonight for a movie night right?"_

Shit, he knows that he isn't going to survive movie night because he is going to have to talk to her and he doesn't want to do that. He needs to get his thoughts in order first before he can pucker up the courage to talk to her and tell her how he feels _"Actually I can't. I have a ton of homework due"_

"_Bullshit! Either you join us for family night or you're telling me what's going on between you and Rachel right __**now!"**_

"_Fine, I'll join you guys. But don't expect me to be pleasant company" _and with that answer he leaves Kurt alone in the kitchen thinking about the right plan of attack for the night.

* * *

To say that there was a lot of tension during movie night was the understatement of the century.  
Kurt picked Moulin Rouge to watch and as much as Rachel wanted to watch the movie she couldn't help but keep staring at Finn who in return didn't take his eyes off her the entire movie. Every time their eyes locked he would turn his head and try to watch the movie. It was getting on her last nerve every time he took a deep breath and just smiled.

They're in the middle of another staring match when Kurt's voice brings her out of her thoughts  
_"Okay, what the __**hell **__is wrong with the both of you!" _he yells at them both.

She knows she needs to stay calm and not let him get to her but she's getting really fidgety.  
_"Kurt, I told you there's nothing wrong"_ she's looking directly at Finn when she says that and he just nods at her and adds _"I don't understand what you're trying to do here Kurt"_

Kurt just stands up puts his hands on his hips and glares at the both of them. He can't believe they're still not going to tell him what's wrong _"So, Rachel you are telling me that there's nothing wrong if Finn doesn't even __**argue **__the movie we want to watch and Finn you don't think it's weird that Rachel bought __**all **__of your favorite movie food without getting __**anything **__for herself?"_

Finn just shrugs _"I just really wanted to watch Moulin Rouge"_

"_And I didn't buy all of Finn's food. I bought all of __**your **__favorites too"_

He can't believe that he's going to have to be the one to stir up trouble here but he's getting really fed up with both of their attitudes and they need to let it out _"Ugh, you two are seriously unbelievable. Look, I need you guys to __**talk. **__Rachel, Finn's been ignoring you for a reason and Rachel you're acting weird for a reason. TALK about it for god's sake"_ he practically is fuming and screaming at them and she doesn't know what to think about it.

Finn just looks at Kurt before standing up and walking towards the kitchen _"There's nothing to talk about Kurt. How many times do I have to tell you that?"_

And that's when she loses it. She's been quiet and playing dumb for long enough, she's done _"Okay, I'm done with this stupidity. Kurt's right. You've been ignoring me for a week now Finn. If there's something I did please tell me so I can fix it but stop fucking ignoring me!"_

She doesn't like to swear but in the heat of the argument she can't help but pull some swearwords in her sentence. New York kind of changed that part of her, it made her harden up.

Finn turns around in a hurry stomping back towards her fury practically blazing out of his eyes  
_"What the fuck do you expect from me Rachel, I can't go on just like nothing happened but apparently you can"_

How is she supposed to talk to him if he's ignoring her? Off course she's been going on like nothing happened, he hasn't given her much of a choice. _"I didn't say that but ignoring me isn't going to make the issue go away"_

He steps closer to her and their bodies are practically touching and she has to take a deep breath to keep herself composed _"Oh, so now it's an issue huh. Great, just fucking great, Rachel!"_

"_I didn't mean it like that"_

Finn just shakes his head _"Sure you didn't. Kurt enjoy the movie with Rachel, I'll be in my room"_

Kurt is standing between them now trying to get them away from each other before anyone gets hurt and she doesn't know what to do or say at this point _"Finn, don't do this. Just talk to her"_

Finn just glares at him, turns around, stalks towards his bedroom and shouts _"No!"_

"_Well, thanks a lot Kurt. This is your entire fault you know that right?"_

She know she's isn't being fair blaming this all on him but she doesn't know what else to do right now. It's just all so frustrating and she just needs to think. Kurt just looks at her with a hurt expression on his face _"What the hell did I do? I just wanted to make things go back to normal"_

"_Jeah, and look how well that turned out. I don't even want to watch this freaking movie anymore. I'm going to go to bed"_

"_Rachel"_

"_No Kurt, I'm tired and I'm done. Goodnight"_

Seriously, what the hell was wrong with those two? He's more determined than ever to find out what got them both so upset with the other. If there's one thing Kurt's good at its mending relationships.

* * *

He's been working on his history paper for over an hour when he hears a knock on his door. At first he's reluctant to answer because he isn't in the mood to talk to Rachel but before he can even answer the door opens revealing Kurt standing behind it _"Can I come in?"_

"_Movie over already?" _ He's trying to make small talk because obviously he heard the argument with Rachel

Kurt just gives him a weak smile and sits himself down on his bed _"Rachel went to bed and I didn't really feel like watching it alone"_

"_Sorry about that bro" _ and that's exactly what he is, sorry. He didn't mean to ruin movie night for Kurt but it's just so hard to be in Rachel's presence nowadays knowing what he said to her.

"_You're really not going to tell me what's going on, Finn?"_

He knows that he's not being fair to his brother but he just can't talk to him about it before he talked to Rachel. They need to sort this out together before bringing Kurt into this. There's no need for his brother to get involved more than he already is by default _"I need to sort some things out for myself first and then I have to talk to Rachel and __**then **__I'll let you know"_

Kurt just snorts and turns his head away from him _"Great, meet Kurt Hummel always the last person to know"_

He knows that how he feels right now but he just can't let his brother get involved. He doesn't want him to be _"It's nothing personal Kurt, you have to believe that. There's just some shit going on and I need to figure stuff out for myself first"_

"_I get it, but you know where to find me if you decide to talk right?"_

He's grateful that Kurt seems to understand where he's coming from although he knows that he doesn't agree with it, he respects his choice, he loves him for that _"Thanks Kurt, you're a good brother"_

"_Just not good enough to tell what's bothering you"_

Finn has to laugh at Kurt's determination on getting him to tell what's bothering here but he's not about to give in _"Kurt"_

Kurt pats him on the shoulder and gives him a week smile _"Jeah Jeah, I know, you just have to figure it out for yourself first. I get it"_

"_Thanks bro"_

"_Well, I guess I let you get back to work then. Night Finn"_

Kurt pats him on the shoulder again and he walks towards the door but Finn knows that he needs to give him something to make up for tonight _"Kurt?" _ His brother turns around before exiting his bedroom and looks at him expectantly _ "Still want to watch a movie?"_

"_I would love to" _Kurt smiles at him and nods

"_Just pop in Moulin Rouge again and I'll be out in five"_

Kurt cocks his eyebrows and looks at him confused _"Sure you want to watch Moulin Rouge?"_

"_Jeah, I owe you bro!"_

"_Thanks Finn"_

"_I'll be right out"_

He knew that watching Moulin Rouge together wouldn't help get Kurt to back off or have him worry less about what was going on between him and Rachel but he just needed a distraction and watching a movie together would create just that. He knows that he needs to get his things in order and talk to Rachel but not tonight, tonight is going to be used for some much needed brotherly bonding time.

* * *

**Oh boy, this is getting interesting. They both still love each other, both still have feelings for the other, now if only one of them would talk to the other maybe we could sort this mess out. And what did you think of Kurt? He's just trying to be a good friend AND a good brother, caught in the middle of this can't be easy. **

**Til next time!**


	16. Chapter 16

**It's been a while since I've updated and I had every intention to update sooner but then the most tragic thing ever happened. I still find it hard to believe and talk about. The only consolation I have for all this right now is that he's done fighting his battles. No more demons, he's up there in heaven having jam sessions with Whitney & Amy, teaching the angels how to hold a tune & asking MJ for dance tips. That's what keeps me going. That's also part of the reason why I did want to continue this story. I can't just leave it here unfinished, this story and Cory deserve the ending. It'll probably have three more chapters and an epilogue and then it's done. I really hope that reading this story will eventually help us all heal from this tragedy and if you want me to stop writing please just let me know in a person message or review, if people don't want me to continue, I won't. My thought is with each and every gleek and other Cory Monteith lover out there who has taken this tragedy just as hard as I have, my thoughts and prayers are with Lea Michele daily, she lost the love of her life. Okay, enough, onto the chapter**

* * *

She's in the kitchen making herself a sandwich when she hears someone walk in. Turning around she almost drops the knife she was holding watching a very distraught looking Finn coming her way.

"_What's wrong?"_ she asks. She has known him long enough to know that this look he's giving her isn't a good one. There's obviously something bothering him and she has a pretty good idea as to what it is

"_We need to talk" _His voice is uncertain and he's trying to avoid eye contact. He always does that when he's nervous. He sits himself down on one of the kitchen chairs and tries his hardest to keep his eyes on her for longer than a second.

"_Okay" _She takes her sandwich cuts it in half, sits down beside him at the kitchen table and gives one half of the sandwich to Finn.

He smiles shyly, accepting the sandwich _"I can't do this anymore Rachel"_

She knows that this is the conversation she wanted to have with him for weeks now but now that it's really there she's suddenly extremely nervous. She doesn't know if she's ready to hear what he has to say. She knows what she wants but she also knows that it's not about here anymore. She needs to accept whatever he wants them to be _"What exactly do you mean?"_

"_I can't keep ignoring you but I also can't go back to the way things were. We need to talk about what happened"_

Suddenly she doesn't really feel like eating anymore so she places down her half of the sandwich and looks at him _"I know. I've wanted to talk for a long time but you shoot me down every time I try"_

"_I'm sorry. I just needed time to wrap my head around what happened and what it meant for me"_

This is it, these words are either going to make or break their relationship. At this point she doesn't know what answer she would prefer _"And what did it mean for you?"_

"_Look, I meant what I said that night Rachel. I love you, always have and probably always will but –"_

Feeling herself becoming angry she cuts him off harshly _"But what?"_

"_I can't let myself go there again"_

She should have known that he wouldn't want to get back together with her. He might love her but he isn't **in **love with her anymore _"What exactly are you saying Finn. You love me but don't want to be with me?"_

"_It's not that I don't __**want **__to be Rachel, I just __**can't**__"_

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Why can't he be with her if he wants to? She doesn't see the problem here but apparently there is one _"You're not really making sense right now Finn. So please say what you want to say and leave it at that"_

He gives her an apologetic look and cast his look away from her when he continues "_I'm saying that I love you Rachel and I want us to work but I can't let myself go there right now. I'm just feeling that now is not the time and we'll end up hurting each other all over again"_

"_That's why you've been avoiding me all this time? Because you don't want a relationship with me?"_

"_Pretty much"_

She doesn't understand why she's feeling so down all of a sudden but she does know that she needs to preserve some of her dignity _"Jesus Finn, have you ever thought about what __**I **__want?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You've been going out of your way to avoid me because you don't want us to get back together but you never asked me what I wanted"_

"_What __**do **__you want Rachel?" _He's looking at her expectantly and she has to take a deep breath in order to get the next words that come out of her mouth to be believable

"_I think we're better off as friends Finn. I love you with all my heart but we're no good for each other right now. Maybe in the future we can reevaluate our relationship but not right now. We're just going to end up hurting each other again" _That's the biggest lie she ever told in her life but she knows that she can't always get what she wants and right now it's best to give up.

He doesn't look all that happy with her words but she doesn't know what else to say. Apparently the fact that they love each other isn't enough to give it another try

"_So where does that leave us?" _His question startles her. Where does it leave them? She honestly doesn't know. She's been going out of her way to be his friend before everything happened but she doesn't know she can keep being friends with the person she's so madly in love with but there isn't really another option is there _"Friends?"_

He gives her a small smile and nods _"Friends" _Just when he's about to leave the kitchen he turns around and looks at her again _"I'm really sorry Rachel"_

She's looking at him and all she can see is the shell of a broken boy before her and she can't believe she did that. With all of the things that happened between them in the past, there's not much left of that confident young man that knew he wanted to marry her and spend the rest of their lives together.  
It's not fair off her to expect him to give her another chance _"Don't be. We've had our chance. Multiple times to be exact. We're just not meant to be"_

"_Jeah, I guess so" _He turns around without another look and she doesn't realize she's crying until she sees the wet droplets soaking up her sandwich.

* * *

He's getting really sick and tired of all this dancing around each other that Rachel and Finn are doing.

Is it just that hard for them to admit that they both love each other and give it another try? Apparently for them it is but he's not about to give up that easy and he has a brilliant plan to get them to talk

He's been slaving away in the kitchen for an hour and a half before he left the loft with a note on the table telling them that he would be out for the night and he made them dinner. Off course that wasn't really true because he knew that either Rachel or Finn was going to come up with an excuse as to why they couldn't dine together.

He's just about to walk back into the kitchen assuming it to be empty when he hears voices coming from the kitchen and he's pleasantly surprised as to see Finn and Rachel setting the table

"_Has hell really frozen over?" _He has to laugh when Finn almost drops the plates he's holding apparently startled with his presence

"_Kurt, your note said you wouldn't be home. Did you forget something?" _

Kurt smiles at Rachel's question and just sits himself down on the table _"Jeah, dinner"_

Both Rachel and Finn look at him, then to each other and then back to him _"What do you mean?"_

"_I just needed you two in the same room so that we can talk"_

Rachel snorts and places her hands on her hips _"Seriously?"_

He's in no mood to have a fight so he knows that he has to do some damage control. He points towards the food and smiles _"Okay, listen, let's eat and talk okay. I'll explain everything"_

Finn starts putting the food on the plates while shaking his head _"No need Kurt, we know what's going on here and I can tell you right now. It's all good"_

He has to bite back a sarcastic laugh because it hasn't been good for ages and they're not going to fool him again _"All good? All good? __**Nothing **__has been all good for weeks now Finn!"_

"_Kurt chill, Rachel and I talked"_

Rachel's been extremely quiet during this whole ordeal so he looks at her while asking the next question _"You did?"_

Much to Kurt's dismay Rachel doesn't say anything and just looks at Finn while he answers  
_"Yes, and we came to a very good conclusion"_

Good conclusion? Did they finally give it another shot? Are they back together? By the looks of how Rachel's standing far away from Finn and is doing practically everything in her power not to look at him he has to say no _"That you two are madly in love and are stupid by ignoring it?"_

"_Not really"_

Rachel's still awfully quiet and he gets the feeling that whatever they decided wasn't really her choice

Finn looks at Rachel, takes a deep breath and says  
_"We've decided that we've already had our chance and it didn't work"_

"_So?" _ He's getting really anxious now as to what this big decision is with the two of them

"_So, we decided to be just friends" _

He almost chokes on his vegetables when he hears this. Rachel and Finn as friends? They tried that once before, it didn't really work out _"You two can __**never **__be just friends, idiots!"_

Finn's looking at him angrily_ "Kurt, leave us alone. We've made up our minds" _

Rachel stands up, puts her plate in the sink and attempts to leave with saying another word. But Kurt's not having that. He knows she doesn't agree with whatever they decided and he needs her to voice it. _"And you're okay with this Rachel? After everything, you're telling me that you can just be friends with Finn?"_

She doesn't look at him or Finn for that matter just keeps walking and whispers _"It's not my choice to make, Kurt"_

* * *

Sitting in front of the TV he's thinking back to the conversation at dinner. He doesn't understand why Rachel didn't say anything and he needs to get to the bottom of this. Come to think of it he hasn't seen her since dinner and he really needs to talk to her. He takes a look at her bedroom door that's closed and before he can talk himself out of it he walks towards it, knocks two times before opening it and barraging in _"I don't believe that whole being friends crap Rachel, what is going on?"_

Rachel's lying in bed and looks away from the book she's reading and shrugs her shoulders _"I haven't got the slightest idea of what you're talking about"_

Kurt huffs and hops on the bed sitting himself down next to her and grabbing the book from her hands _"Cut the __**crap **__Rachel, it's me, Kurt, your best friend. Talk to me"_

"_It is what it is Kurt there's nothing to talk about"_

Her voice sounds hurt and small and he doesn't really like that. Rachel Berry is never one to get hurt easily _"What do you mean?"_

Seeing her eyes cloud over and tears gathering in the corner of her eyes he knows that she's on the verge of a breakdown and he needs to be there for her. He puts an arm around her and tells her to go on  
_"He doesn't want to give us another shot because he's afraid we're going to end up hurt again"_

"_But what do you want Rachel?"_

"_I said that I didn't want us to get back together either"_

Maybe that's what she said but that's not what she really meant, he can tell it by the way she's looking at him and the way her eyes are all misty. You don't cry over a decision if you're okay with it _"But that's not __**really **__what you want is it?"_

He sees the tears starting to roll down her cheeks and he's doing his best to wipe them away with his thumbs trying to calm her down

"_I love him, Kurt. I really do and I don't want to get back together and just ruin everything again. The last thing I need is to hurt that boy anymore than I already have" _her voice is unsteady and shaky and she doesn't know what to do

"_But you wanted to try again?" _Kurt voices exactly what she's thinking.

Deep down she did want to try again. She loves Finn with everything she's got and she would love to get back together _"If it was my choice I wanted to be with him forever Kurt, you know that"_

"_Why didn't you tell him that?"_

She lets out a sarcastic laugh _"Because it's not going to change anything. Finn doesn't want to be with me"_

He can't believe that this is how things are going to be. They're both just so unbelievably stubborn and as much as he loves both their stubbornness most of the time, this time it bugs him to no end _"But you are soul mates. You two belong together"_

Rachel turns around and curls into his arms a little more while she silently cries _"I just have to hold on to the fact that if that's true then the universe will let us have one final try when the time is right. For now, it's just not happening and I would really like it if you could let it go now, Kurt"_

He keeps rubbing her arms and drops a kiss on her hair in order for her to calm down. He doesn't know what to do about this situation _"Do you really believe that Rachel?"_

"_I have to Kurt and now drop it okay?"_

"_I guess"_

She worms herself out of his arms and gives him a stern look _"Promise me you'll drop it Kurt"_

"_Fine, I promise"_

"_Thank you"_

He doesn't like this whole new 'friends' thing that Finn and Rachel resigned to one single bit but he promised to back off and that's exactly what he's going to do, but that doesn't mean he agrees with them. They're both just too stubborn to realize that they need each other and that they're happier when they are together. He just hopes that they'll eventually figure it out before it's too late.

* * *

**Okay, this isn't really the 'happy' stage we are in yet but I can't just write it like that because Cory died. It's hard typing it like this and writing has always been therapy for me but it's just really really hard right now. Like I said there will be three more chapters probably and an epilogue and I'll probably post the chapters pretty soon because i really don't want to drag this story out any longer. **

**Thanks for reading lovelies & stay strong!**

**3**


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay,first of all I have to say 'thank you' to everyone who had a very sweet reply to my last chapter. It's been hard continuing this story but as I hear from people that it also helps them heal it makes it a little bit easier to continue. So, without any further intro here's chapter 17. **

**I love you all! **

* * *

It took her a little while to be okay with the idea of Finn and her just being friends but in the end she knew she didn't have another choice. It was either that or no Finn at all and she has established a long time ago that a life without Finn wasn't a life at all. That doesn't mean she's comfortable with the entire idea but she knows it's not up to her anymore. So, when Jonathan called her to go watch a movie together she didn't hesitate in saying yes. If she was ever going to move on she has to start dating other people and what better way to do that with the cute boy she met at the theater a couple months ago and had been seeing a couple times since then.

Sure, Jonathan was no Finn by any means. He wasn't tall, he had blond hair and brown eyes but he was cute. Cute enough for Rachel to consider dating him.

She's standing in front of the mirror fixing her dress when she hears a knock on the door _"It's open"  
_she says when she turns her body around to the opening door.

Finn pokes his head around and smiles at her _"Kurt and I are going to the arcade, want to come?"_

She knows that he's trying to be nice and include her more in the things he's doing with Kurt but she's not sure she's ready for that and she's extremely grateful that she has a legitimate reason not to come this time _"Sorry, I can't"_

Finn steps inside of her bedroom and plops on her bed giving her a once over _"Oh. Going somewhere? You look nice"_

She does a little turn in her dress and gives him a small smile _"Thank you. I have a date with Jonathan"_

The minute she says those words she regrets them immediately. She sees the hurt look on his face and she knows that it was too soon to tell him _"Jonathan? The same Jonathan you threw game night out the window for?"_

His angry voice surprises her but she's not about to give in and decides to just be civil _"That Jonathan yes"_

"_So, second date huh? I guess you didn't blow of game night for nothing"_

Ugh, he can be so goddamn infuriating. He has no right to be jealous. He was the one who came up with this whole friends crap and she'll be damned if she gives in to his jealousy _"Fourth actually"_

"_Wow, you really move on quick"_

And that's what sets her off and makes her turn around and slap him in the face. Right after it happens she feels the tears threatening to come and she has to swallow a couple times in order to not let them out. Her anger is what overrides every other emotion she's feeling right now and she practically spits the next words at him _"Seriously Finn? You forgot that __**you **__where the one who said that you only wanted to be friends?"_

He's holding his cheek when he glares at her and before he walks out of her bedroom he turns around and silently whispers _"If I remember correctly you didn't have any problems with it. Now I know why. Have fun at your date"_

She's not about to let her anger get the best of her again, so she just shakes her head and turns back to the mirror _"Yeah, You enjoy your night with Kurt"_

* * *

She's sitting at the movie theater with Jonathan when she thinks back to her conversation with Finn. Who does he think he is making her doubt about the fact that she's moving on. He's supposed to be happy for her. They decided they needed to remain friends, does he think she's going to wait around forever for him to come to the conclusion that they're meant to be? No way in hell. And, like she said, Jonathan is cute. He's pretty much everything Finn isn't and that's a good thing. The last thing she needs is another relationship that reminds her of Finn. One Finn in her life is more than enough for now.

She snaps out of her thoughts when she feels Jonathan hand grip hers and interlace their fingers together.

"_Enjoying the movie?"_ he whispers when he turns his head and smiles at her. She simply nods her head. She isn't one to talk during movies and especially not in a theater when there are at least a hundred more people around. It's not really the movie she would have chosen to go to but she was in no mood to say no when they first arrived to the theater so she made him pick the movie. It bugs her to no end that Finn is still invading her thoughts when she's on her date with Jonathan and she tries to shake those feelings away. She gives a little squeeze in his hand and when he turns his head around she kisses him softly on the lips. It does feel nice, but she doesn't have the butterflies in her stomach when their lips touch.

When the movie ends they decide to take a walk around the block and just talk about everything and nothing. She learns that he has two sisters, that he has had two serious relationships in his life and that his parents died when he was twelve and that he's been living with his aunt and uncle ever since. They arrive at the loft pretty early on and she contemplates on inviting him in or not. She thinks that Kurt and Finn are probably going to be at the arcade until late and it wouldn't hurt to invite him in

"_Do you want to come in for a beer?"_ she asks when she turns the key to unlock the loft.

Turning around she sees him smiling at him and she takes that as a yes so she opens up the loft and points inside. She tells him to sit down on the couch so that she can get him a beer.

"_It's a really nice place you have here, Rachel_" she hears him say from the living room. When she comes back with two beers and hands one to him she sees him looking at one of the pictures of Kurt, Finn and Rachel taken at the beginning of the year

"_That's my best friend Kurt and Finn my ex uh friend"_ she stutters.

Jonathan places the picture back on the mantel and turns his head around towards her "_Ex friend? You are living with a person you don't even like?"_

For a minute she thinks that she can lie and just say that Finn is just Kurt's brother that happens to live with them but if she ever wants this thing with Jonathan to get serious she knows she has to be honest with him _"Well, Finn is Kurt's step brother and my ex-boyfriend"_

He's looking at her with a surprised look on his face _"You're living with your ex-boyfriend?"_

Okay, so when he asks it like that she knows that it's usually a huge turnoff for new boyfriends that you're living with your ex _"yeah, but we're just friends now. It just didn't work out"_

Somehow she wishes that the words she just uttered were true but she knows deep down that Kurt was right when he said that Finn and her could never just be friends.

"_Okay, should I be worried?" _

She doesn't know. Should he be worried? Maybe on some level he should but she's not even serious about Jonathan yet and she doesn't know where this is going to go so should she worry him when it might not even be necessary _"What do you mean?"_

"_I really like you Rachel, and I would love to see where this could take us but I have to be honest, you living with your ex boyfriend isn't a really nice way to start a potentially new relationship"_

So, apparently he's serious about giving this as shot between them. But does she want to? She doesn't really have a clear answer for him and she knows it's not nice to string him along but she does feel great when she's with him so maybe she owes it to the both of them to see where this could take them  
_"Trust me Jonathan, there's nothing between Finn and I anymore. We're just friends. And I would love to see where we could take this too"_

She hates the fact that she just told her first lie to him already. Not a great way to start a potential relationship but all her doubts and thoughts go out the window when she feels his arms snake around her waist and his lips on hers.

Just when she's about to intensify the kiss by opening up her mouth she hears a clearing of a throat and she quickly pushes Jonathan away. When she turns towards the source of the sound she sees Finn looking at them with a hint of anger, jealousy and hurt on his face_ "Oh sorry, I didn't know you guys would be home already" _

She hates the fact that he had to see that but she doesn't know what to do. Thankfully Finn decides to speak up and takes a couple steps towards Jonathan and extends his hand _"We are. Hi I'm Finn"_

"_Oh the famous ex-boyfriend. I'm Jonathan"_

Finn looks at Rachel and she knows what he's thinking. She just prays that he doesn't ruin it for her. Yes, he's technically her ex-fiance but she wasn't about to go into that with Jonathan. That isn't really early dating material to talk about. But judging by the look on Finn's face he doesn't agree but she silently pleads with her eyes to not ruin this for her just yet _"Ex boyfriend huh, nice one Rachel. I'm in no mood for chit chat I'll be in my room"_

She sighs a sign of relieve, that could have gone a lot worse. But Jonathan is looking at her with a weird look on his face. He probably doesn't understand what just happened _"What was that about Rachel?"_

Does she tell him that Finn isn't just only her ex-boyfriend? Not right now she isn't. That's something she'll tell him when they indeed get serious _"I don't know what his problem is. Don't mind him he's just being rude!"_

They hear the door open and close again and in comes Kurt with a couple bags of chips and snacks and he smiles at Rachel before he sees Jonathan standing there and he drops the bags and just stares at the both of them.

"_Oh Kurt, this is Jonathan"_

Kurt walks over to Jonathan, extends his hand and gives him a warm pleasant smile _"Hi Jonathan nice to meet you. Do you want to stay a little longer and have another beer?"_

She loves Kurt for being so nice towards Jonathan. It's a nice change with what happened with Finn a little while ago. Jonathan is looking at her and a part of her hopes that he wants to stay but another part knows that it might not be the best idea _"Nah, I'm going to go. Are we still on for tomorrow night Rach?"_

Hearing her nickname from anyone other than Finn startles her but she doesn't let it show _"Sure, you pick me up at eight?"_

Jonathan turns around gives her a quick kiss on the cheek and smiles at Kurt _"Jep, I'll be there. Goodnight Kurt"_

She's not about to let him leave like that. He must think that Finn's a total idiot and that she's crazy to live with two guys but she'll explain it to him some time, she has to make herself believe that _"I'm sorry for the way Finn acted, I'll talk to him Jonathan. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"_

Before she can think of something else to say his lips are on hers and for once she totally gives herself over to it, hoping that it'll make her feel something but she doesn't. When they part she just shyly smiles at him and tells him goodnight

"_Night Rach"_

Deep down she doesn't even know what she's doing. Maybe she just wants to awake her heart that was long afraid to feel, sheltered of from the world with a big wall around it preventing her from getting hurt but it isn't happening. Jonathan doesn't make her feel anything. Every time Finn used to kiss her it would feel like heaven, it would feel like no one else existed but just the two of them in their own little love bubble. With Jonathan it was just like kissing Kurt, nothing romantic. She knows that it's extremely selfish to keep stringing him along but she just figures that maybe; just maybe, she can learn to love him

* * *

"_Seriously Rach? You let him call you Rach?"_

Kurt has been bugging her about Jonathan's nickname for her for the better part of the last ten minutes and she's getting really sick and tired of him always butting in and telling her how he feels about things. If she wanted to know what she thought about it she would have asked him _"I don't __**let **__him call me anything. This was the first time he said that. I don't really see the problem"_

Deep down she knows that's not really true. She does see the problem because the only other person who **ever **called her Rach was Finn. Not even her fathers called her Rach it was usually Rachie or Rachella but never Rach, that was reserved for Finn and Finn alone, and now apparently Jonathan.

"_And that my dear Rachel __**is **__exactly the problem" _Kurt's face says it all. He knows that the only other person who ever called her that was Finn and if she'll let Jonathan use that name for her it would tarnish her relationship with Finn to a point of maybe no return and she doesn't want that. But, how is she supposed to ask Jonathan not to call her Rach without telling him why? It's not like she wants to sit down with him and tell him everything that happened between her and Finn but what other way is there?

"_Leave me alone, Kurt. I'm tired and in no mood to argue about this"_

And that's the truth. She really is tired and she really doesn't want to talk to Kurt right now, she just wants to go to bed and forget about all this for a little while. Forget about the fact that the only person who's responsible for this mess of a life she's in right now is herself.

Kurt just huffs and stomps after her towards her bedroom _"So you are telling me it doesn't bother you in the slightest?"_

The anger burning inside of her is trying to make his way out and she doesn't know how long it's going to take for her to burst but she tries to swallow a couple times to keep it at bay _"I'm saying that I don't know what I'm supposed to say to Jonathan about it Kurt"_

"_Maybe that you don't like the nickname Rach, that it's reserved for someone special to call you that"_

She tried really hard to keep her anger at bay but she's practically screaming at him right now  
_"Yeah, that'll be a nice relationship starter. Look Jonathan, I like you and all but can you please not call me Rach that nickname is reserved for use by my ex fiance only"_

Kurt stops walking and she practically bumps into him _"Hold on. Back up. Are you seriously contemplating dating this guy?"_

She thinks about that. She knows that Jonathan isn't really dating material in the long run because she doesn't feel anything for him but maybe she can learn to make herself love him _"Why not Kurt? It's not like the men are lining up for me and I like him"_

"y_eah, I could see that in your eyes when he was kissing you on your cheek. Seriously Rachel, you are just trying to replace Finn with Jonathan. It's like Brody 2.0 here. Don't do this to yourself Rachel"_

"_What the hell am I supposed to do then Kurt? Am I supposed to wait for Finn because I'll probably be waiting forever. Finn isn't in love with me anymore Kurt and the sooner I accept that and move on the better" _ Just like last time she can't hold it in much longer and when she slaps Kurt across the face she has to hold onto the door to her bedroom to steady herself. She can't believe that she's now hit Kurt and Finn. She has never been one to use violence and now she can't seem to keep her anger to herself

She has to give Kurt credit because he doesn't get angry or looks faced in any way with her slapping him but it does make her feel extremely guilty _"Finn does love you"_

The anger quickly disappeared after the slap and she can rationalize her thoughts more now  
_"I didn't say he doesn't love me Kurt, I know he does. He's just not __**in **__love with me anymore"_

"_Do you really believe that?"_

Taking a deep breath she turns around towards her bedroom _"I __**know **__that, Kurt and if you'll excuse me I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight"_

Before she closes her bedroom door she can hear Kurt's quiet voice call out to her _"That's not what he told me"_

She opens her door again and looks at him confused _"What?"_

Kurt just shakes his head, rubs his cheek and turns around _"Nothing. Goodnight Rachel"_

What is she supposed to think about that? What did Finn tell Kurt Exactly? And why can't she seem to channel her rage into something else. She knows it's not okay to hit people and the only reason they haven't retaliate is that both Finn and Kurt are men, chivalrous men, who were brought up by lovely parents teaching them that it's never okay to hit a woman. Why didn't her parents tell her that it wouldn't be okay to hit a guy? She has never felt more awful in her life.

* * *

**Wow, poor Rachel, she's a really messed up confused girl right now. And what exactly did Finn tell Kurt? Is he still in love with Rachel? But why doesn't he tell her that? Why do they keep dancing around each other? Don't worry people, this story only has a couple chapters left and I can't bring myself to write anything other than a happy ending, I just never said it was going to be easy.**

**Please review! I love to read what you guys think!**


	18. Chapter 18

**I promised to update sooner but life has been throwing curve balls at me and it's been pretty hectic this past week. I'm getting a little bit of free time before work starts back up again and I'm planning on finishing this story before I go back to work, that shouldn't be that much of a problem considering there's only one more chapter and an epilogue left. Reviews are love! Enjoy!**

* * *

He feels like the headline in his life should read 'Finn Hudson biggest idiot on the planet'.

Rachel and Jonathan have been going out for a while now and he doesn't like it one bit. It's not like he can say something about it. He's not even supposed to care or have an opinion about it, but he does.  
When he told Rachel he wanted to be friends he didn't expect her to move on so quickly and he didn't expect to be so devastated about it. This idiot, Jonathan, is everything Finn isn't. He's a little taller than Rachel, blond hair, brown eyes; he's like super smart and has excellent dance qualities. The only thing Finn has on him is the fact that he can't seem to hold a tune or play any instrument whatsoever but somehow that doesn't make him feel better. Kurt knows that Finn isn't happy and he also knows that he's been secretly looking at other places to live. He just can't seem to be around Rachel without feeling heartbroken, lost and hurt and he doesn't need that in his life right now. Needless to say that he had a very big fight with Kurt about it at first. Kurt still feels that they're both just amazingly stubborn people who need to address their feelings for each other and just suck it up and get back together but Finn knows it's not that easy.  
He was really skeptical at first but Rachel really seems to be happy with Jonathan and he's not about to ruin that for her. Maybe there'll be a girl for him in the future who he could love half as much as he loves Rachel.

It's almost noon when he wakes up because of his grumbling stomach. Apparently he needs to feed himself. When he walks into the kitchen in only his boxers he has to stop because the sight in front of him startles him to no end. Rachel is sitting on Jonathan's lap feeding him strawberries. Before he gets the chance to turn around unannounced Kurt comes up behind him letting them know they have company

"_Shit, I'm sorry. I thought you guys weren't home"_

Kurt just huffs and waves his hands at them signaling that he isn't really there but Finn is mad as hell  
_"I'll just grab a milk and apple so you guys can go back to that weirdly sexual thing you were doing"_

"_Finn!" _both Kurt and Rachel say in unison but he just shrugs and walks back into the living room.

Rachel's blocking the view to the TV not a minute later with an angry expression on her face _"What the hell is wrong with you?"_

He looks past her towards the TV and turns up the volume to block her out  
_"Nothing's wrong with me. I would just like it if you would keep your little sex things confined to the bedroom and not the kitchen where I tend to __**eat **__thank you very much"_

She walks towards the TV, turns it off and grabs the remote from his hands and puts it in her back pocket _"Jesus Finn, There wasn't anything sexual about it. We were just eating breakfast"_

"_Oh so now you eat breakfast from his mouth huh? Well I'm sorry then"_

Taking deep breaths to calm herself she just looks away from Finn and when she feels herself regain her cool she turns around and looks him in the eyes _"What is your fucking problem Finn. You've been hating on Jonathan ever since we got together, you don't even __**try **__to be nice to him and you're parading around in your boxers. What is this, some macho showdown?"_

Finn huffs. How dare she call him out on what he's wearing around the house? It's not like he doesn't live here _"First of all, I haven't been hating on Jonathan I just don't like the dude. Second of all I'm not parading around in anything. In case you have forgotten this is my apartment too and I can do whatever the heck I want and wear or not wear whatever I so choose. And I don't need a macho showdown with your new boy toy"_

He knows he's not being fair by calling Jonathan her boy toy but somehow she just gets under his skin lately. He feels like she's flaunting her relationship in his face every chance she gets and he really doesn't like that

"_Boy toy, Finn? Really? Is that all you've got?"_

"_No, but that's all he's ever going to be Rachel. Or are you going to tell me that he's marriage material too?"_

They're both glaring at each other when they hear Jonathan's voice _"What?"_

"_Jonathan" _Rachel is the first to speak and she looks apologetic and he doesn't feel the need to deal with this so he just bolts towards his bedroom

* * *

This was not how she wanted the topic to have been brought up and she hates Finn for bolting like that.

Jonathan is looking at her with confusion written all over his face _"What was he talking about?"_

"_Nothing"_

"_No Rachel, that's not nothing. Did Finn ask you to marry you?"_

That's one question she's not prepared to answer but she knows that she's probably not going to get away with not answering this time _"Jonathan please"_

His voice cuts through her like a knife when she hears the demanding tone _"Tell me Rachel"_

Taking a deep breath she tries to focus on anything other than Jonathan's face when she tells him  
_"He did, in senior year of college"_

"_But you didn't accept his proposal so that's why you broke up?"_

How she wishes that was the case that would have made things a lot easier to talk about _"Not exactly. I accepted his proposal but things didn't really work out in the end"_

"_Why not?"_

He has a right to know the true story but she's just not in the mood to get into that with him right now. She doesn't even know she'll ever be comfortable telling him the entire story _"That's a very long story that I'm not really comfortable getting into right now"_

"_Well, then I'll be out of your way" _He starts walking towards the door but she grabs him by the arm and makes him turn around

"_No"_

Wiggling her hand away from his arm he gives her a stern look and opens the door _"Yes"_

"_Jonathan please, don't do this"_

He turns around quickly startling her with the anger she sees in his eyes _"Do what? You're the one who doesn't want to talk about it"_

"_It's just a very long and boring story"_

Realizing that he's probably not going to get anywhere with her tonight he sighs and gives up _"You know where to find me when you decide that I'm worthy of hearing that very long and boring story"_

He's already halfway through the hallway of the apartment building when she calls his name _"Jonathan, wait"_

Apparently he does hear her because he turns around and gives her a tiny smile _"See you around, Rachel"_

* * *

She can't believe the nerve of Finn throwing it in her face that Jonathan is just a boy toy to her. He's wrong, he isn't. So maybe she isn't in love with him, yet. But she does think more of him than a stupid boy toy. The definition of a boy toy is that you sleep with that person and although she's been 'dating' Jonathan for about two months now they haven't done the deed yet. It's not like he doesn't want to, he's a boy after all but she keeps finding reasons to shoot him down. Maybe she just isn't as invested in this relationship as she likes to believe she is.

She feels a book being thrown at her head startling her out of her thoughts and before she can turn around and get angry she sees Kurt glaring at her _"Girl, where's your mind at?"_

Knowing that it's no good to keep everything bottled in she decides to open up to Kurt _"If I tell you will you promise not to get mad at me?"_

"_Uhm, okay. I'll try"_

"_You know Jonathan and I have been dating for two months now right?"  
_Kurt just silently nods

"_I'm thankful that he got over that whole Finn being my ex-fiancé thing and I do like him very much"_

"_But?"_

Somehow Kurt always knows that there's something else on her mind even before she does and she's grateful for such a best friend _"He wants to sleep with me"_

"_Well, that's a pretty common thing to do in a relationship when two people love each other"_

But isn't that exactly what this is all about, love? Does she love Jonathan? No, she doesn't. Sure, she likes him but love? No _"That's the point though, I really like him but I'm not sure I love him. I'm not sure I can ever love anyone after what happened with Finn"_

"_Meaning, Finn still has your heart?"_

She gives Kurt a week smile and nods _"Sort of, yes and it's just weird to have sex under the same roof as your ex"_

"_Why can't you do it at his place?"_

"_He still lives with his aunt and uncle; he's saving up for a place of his own"_

Kurt needs to stifle a laugh, a twenty two year old in the big city still living with his aunt and uncle, that's not something you hear that often _"Oh, I see the problem"_

"_Well, if you wait a couple weeks it won't be a problem. You've waited this long what's a week or two more right?"_

She's looking at him confused _"What do you mean?"_

"_Finn gets the keys to his new apartment next week or the week after that so then you'll be free to do whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want it"_

She practically spits out the coffee she was drinking and she has to put down the cup before she lets it slip out of her hands _"What?"_

Kurt's face turns into one of shame, apparently he thought that Finn told her that he was moving  
_"Don't tell me he didn't fill you in"_

She can't believe what's she's hearing. And why did she has to hear it from Kurt, does he really hate her that much? _"Finn's moving out? Why?"_

"_Uhm, I think you need to talk to Finn about that. I'm sorry I brought it up"_

He isn't supposed to feel sorry, Finn was supposed to have told her _"It's fine, I'm glad I know now"_

* * *

"_Finn Christopher Hudson, where are you?" _ Her voice echo's through the loft and he's just about to walk into his room when he hears her

"_In here" _he shouts after her. Before he can register where she's coming from she's stomping towards him with anger in her eyes _"Why on earth didn't you tell me you are planning on moving out?"_

Oh, he wasn't expecting that. He didn't really know how he was supposed to tell her and to be honest he just figured he would just up and go before she noticed he would be gone _"Kurt told?"_

"_Yes, he accidentally let it slip during coffee. He thought you would have clued me in by now"_

A part of him is glad that Kurt told but another part is terrified as to why she's here demanding an explanation _"Rachel, I didn't mean to keep it from you"_

"_That's a bit of a running theme here isn't it? You didn't mean to ignore me when you first got to New York, you didn't mean to keep Amy from me and you didn't mean to __**not **__mention the fact that you are moving out!"_

He knows she's right. That's his go to move. He doesn't mean to keep things from her but in the end he does anyway _"I'm sorry"_

"_That's all you've got?" _ She's glaring at him angrily and he really doesn't know what to say or do at this point

"_What do you want me to say?"_

Rachel just huffs and puts her hands on her hips, her signature move when she's mad _"Give me one goddamn reason as to why you would move out?"_

Before he can even think about what he's answering he's already blurted out the one single thing he can think of that makes him want to move out_ "You"_

That statement seems to startle her because she practically has to force herself not to fall down and grab his door handle _"What?"_

"_You wanted a reason and __**you **__are the reason"_

She doesn't understand what he's talking about. Why would she be the reason for him to move out, what did she do this time? _"What do you mean?"_

"_Don't make me say it"_

"_Finn, I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about"_

He's getting agitated right now and he doesn't know how long he can keep denying it _"Goddammit Rachel. Don't you get it?"_

She doesn't understand what she's supposed to get. It's all so confusing _"Get what?"_

"_I can't stay here while you play happy little housewife with this freaking Jonathan dude. I get that you are happy and trust me I'm happy for you but you can't just expect me to be okay with it"_

His words hit her hard because she knows that deep down he may feel that way but it's not even true in the slightest meaning of the words. She isn't happy with Jonathan, even though she would like herself to believe she is _"I didn't know you felt that way"_

"_How could you, you are too busy shacking up with him, kissing him, throwing him in my face every single change you get"_

She can understand his anger and she would believe she would be too if she were in his shoes but that's not at all what she's doing here _"That's not what I'm doing Finn"_

"_It sure feels like it"_

Preparing for a bold move she steps closer into his bedroom and walks towards him and guides him to sit down next to her on his bed _"Finn, you were the one who said that you only wanted to be friends, I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do, move on"_

He just stands up angrily, running his hands through his hair _"Ugh, I'm such an idiot for saying that. You and I both know we could never just be friends, Rachel"_

"_What do you mean?"_

Calming himself down with a couple deep breaths he sits himself down next to her and takes her hands in his _"I love you Rachel"_

She has to smile at that statement, she knows he does, the problem isn't in the fact if they love each other or not that has been established a long time ago and they both know that you can't shake the kind of love they have _"I know that Finn and I love you too but we both need to move on"_

Taking her hand and rubbing his thumb over it making her look at him, he looks deeply into her eyes and she feels that he's trying to look into her soul _"That's not what I mean"_

"_What do you mean? I don't get it Finn. Just tell me what the hell is going on in that head of yours"_

One of her hands is stroking his cheek that is now covered with teardrops. He didn't even realize he was crying until she started wiping away the tears _"I'm madly, deeply and irrevocably in love with you Rachel Berry, always have been, always will be. I love you with every fiber, every cell, and every bone in my very large and uncoordinated body"_

She drops his hand and just stares at him for a minute before she can muster up the courage to utter a single word _"Oh"_

"_Yeah"_

"_I don't know what to say"_

Knowing that this was coming he needs to take control of the situation again and regain some of his composure _"You don't have to say anything and that's exactly why I'm moving out. As of next week I'll be out of your hair, out of your life and you can do whatever the hell you want with Jonathan"_

But that's not really what she wants is it? She doesn't want him to move out, she doesn't want to move on and she sure as hell doesn't want a future with Jonathan. She knows that, she needs him to know that too _"Finn, I don't-"_

"_Don't say anything else please. Just go" _He cuts her of before she can utter another word and she feels defeated and doesn't know what to do

"_I can't"_

"_Please just-" _ Her lips are on his before he gets the chance to finish his sentence and she's pushing him towards the bed and she's pulling his shirt over his head and she's feeling every inch of her body tingle with anticipation and love. This is what it's supposed to feel like when you kiss someone you love.

"_We can't Rachel. We shouldn't" _he says through kisses while he's undressing her as fast as he can.  
They both know this isn't right. When he pushes her away a minute later because he knows that if he doesn't stop now he's not going to be able to stop at all she seems to get the message

"_I know. I'm sorry" _She quickly takes his shirt from the floor and throws it back it him while she buttons up her blouse

Before she leaves his bedroom she turns around one last time, the hurt evident in her voice and in her eyes_ "Please don't go, Finn"_

And as much as he wanted to hear those words from her he knows he can't go back on his decision now _"I have to Rachel, it's for the best. Trust me"_

Without thinking about it she runs in his arms, gives him the biggest hug she can summon and kisses him one last time firmly and lovingly _"I'm going to miss you Finn"_

If there's one thing he knows for sure is that he's going to miss her too. This bubbly little brunette that invaded his heart, mind, body and soul without even trying. He knows that wherever life takes him there's going to be a part of her that he takes with him, forever. Because they're linked, tethered, soul mates for life _"I'm going to miss you too, Rach"_

* * *

**I know that it doesn't look good, but you're just going to have to trust me on this one. **

**Til next time**


	19. Chapter 19

**So, here we are, the last chapter before the epilogue. I know I've said that I wasn't going to start another Finchel story soon but I have to come back on my word. I've had a lot of ideas come to me during the past week and it's my little way of honoring Cory. I can't tell you WHEN I'll update the next story (It'll probably be a little while) but there will be other stories. For now, just enjoy this update & let me know what you think. **

**DISCLAIMER: This chapter has an M rating! I didn't think it was necessary to change the entire rating of the story because of one chapter so I'll just put the disclaimer here! **

* * *

It's been exactly fifteen days, seven hours and thirty five minutes since Finn moved out of the loft into his single apartment on the other side of Bushwick. It's only a ten minute subway ride and a thirty minute walk but somehow it feels like there's an entire universe between them. He doesn't come by the loft that much because apparently he's pretty busy with school but deep down she knows there's a lot more going on. Kurt hasn't really been talking to her since Finn moved out and she knows it's because he blames her for it. It's not that she can actually blame him for thinking that because in a way it's true.  
Finn just didn't feel comfortable around her anymore and her dating Jonathan was just the straw that broke the camel's back. And now, she doesn't know what to do. Needless to say that he relationship with Jonathan didn't last. Her conversation and little make out session with Finn pretty much confirmed that and she broke up with him the next day.

"_Rachel, can I talk to you?" _ She is sitting on the balcony overlooking the city when Kurt joins her.  
He takes a chair and places it next to hers

Giving him a small smile she's glad that he decides that the ignore faze is over and that he's finally willing to talk to her _"Sure Kurt, any time" _

Kurt takes on of her hands and places his on top of it making her look at him _"I'm not here to pick a fight with you but I do need to tell what's on my mind"_

He doesn't need to tell her what he's thinking  
_"You blame me for Finn moving out" _she blurts out without blinking and he drops her hand because he didn't expect her to just flat out say it _"Pretty much, yes"_

Rachel just walks towards the railing and starts picking apart the flowers that are hanging over it  
_"I understand Kurt and I blame myself too. If this thing with Jonathan didn't happen he would probably still be here"_

Kurt snorts and she turns around as to ask him what's so funny but he just laughs at her _"Probably? I know for a fact that the only reason he moved out is because my brother just loves you too much to see you happy with somebody else"_

Deep down she knew that was the biggest reason for him to move out and she hates herself for letting it get this far _"But I wasn't really happy with Jonathan. I didn't break up with him for nothing"_

"_Exactly why I need you to talk to Finn" _

Wow, that statement startles her. She's not ready to face him let alone talk to him _"What, Kurt, No"_

"_Stop being so goddamn stubborn and talk to him. He loves you, you love him, don't see the problem"_

Kurt never sees the problem and most of the time he's right but not this time. She knows that this time it's not the absence of love that's the problem. She's just so scared to put herself out here again and get hurt or worse, hurt him _"Finn and I had so many chances and it didn't work out. Don't you think that it's the universes way of telling us that we shouldn't bother. That we're just not meant to be?"_

Kurt just starts laughing hysterically _"That's bullshit and you know it"_

Maybe she does know that and maybe it's just a stupid excuses to not give her and Finn another chance but it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't want to be with her _"Maybe"_

"_Rachel, if Finn told you he wanted to get back together today would you?" _ He's looking at her expectantly and she doesn't have to think twice about her answer _"In a heartbeat"_

Kurt folds his hands together and smiles _"Well, there you have it"_

"_It's not that easy" _Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, relationship. It's never that easy, she wishes it was though

"_Damn it Rachel, it __**is **__that easy. Just talk to him"_

She knows that it's up to her to fix this mess they're in but she can't talk to him. Not right now, she needs a little more time _"Kurt, I get that you miss your brother and I'm sorry that I'm the reason he doesn't come by the loft anymore but I can't talk to him"_

Kurt stands up from his seat and just glares at her and whatever's coming she knows it can't be good _"You are leaving me no choice with this, Rachel"_

She's a little scared as to what he's going to come up with to get her to talk to Finn because if she knows one thing it's that Kurt's determination is one of his biggest trades _"What?"_

Kurt doesn't look her in the eyes when he says the next words _"If you don't talk to Finn and sort things out I'm going to move in with Finn" _

She can't believe he's doing this to her. He knows she can't pay the rent on her own _"You can't do that; I can't afford this place on my own"_

"_Not really my problem now is it Rachel"_

He's seriously using blackmail to get her to talk to Finn? She doesn't know how to feel about that  
_"You are seriously going to use blackmail on me?"_

Kurt just looks at her and gives her a smug smile _"Yup"_

"_I hate you_" She turns around and glares at him, unable to say anything else but when she's about to walk back inside Kurt grabs her arm and spins her around_ "No you don't"_

Off course he would say that and deep down it's true. She doesn't hate him but she's not going to let him get away with it that easy _"Oh trust me Kurt, I do" _Wiggling her way out of his grip she turns on her heals and stomps towards the hallway

She hears Kurt voice call after her _"Wait, where are you going?"_

"_To talk to Finn" _and with that she slams the door extra hard startling Kurt. He should know by now that she doesn't do well on blackmail

* * *

It took her all of forty five minutes to go over to Finn's apartment block. In reality it's only a thirty minute walk but she needed to clear her head so she walked around the block a couple times and she needed to summon up the courage as to actually knock. Now here she is, in front of apartment 4B where apparently Finn has been living for the last two weeks and she doesn't know what she's going to see inside. It's probably looking like a bachelor pad considering the fact that he's indeed a guy living there alone. Taking a couple of deep breaths she knocks two times, takes a step back and waits.

Nothing remotely interesting happens in the five minutes she's waiting for him to answer the door and she contemplates on either walking away or try knocking again. She goes for option number two and when she knocks again she hears his voice coming from inside the apartment _"Come on in, it's open"_

She doesn't know if he's expecting someone or if it's just plain laziness as to why he wouldn't come to the door but the minute she enters the apartment she gets why he didn't open. Finn just walks out of what in her mind appears to be the shower with nothing but a towel on and his eyes widen when he sees her

"_Rachel, I wasn't expecting you"_

"_I can see that" _she giggles and he blushes when she casts her look towards the towel

"_Let me get ready really fast. Sit down, have something to drink. The kitchen is right around the corner on your left when you come in"_

Five minutes later Finn walks back into the living dressed in a basketball short and t-shirt _"Sorry about that, I thought you were Kurt"_

Holding back another laugh she quickly swallows a couple times _"It's fine Finn"_

He's sitting himself down next to her on the couch and looks at her expectantly _"So, why are you here?"_

"_Uhm, I'm not really sure actually"_

"_What do you mean?" _ He doesn't seem to get what she's doing here either

"_I broke up with Jonathan" _she blurts out suddenly and she doesn't know why she said that. He actually manages to look a little shocked and she silently thanks him for that.

"_I'm sorry, but what has that got to do with me?"_

It has everything to do with him but she knows she can't say that. She doesn't want to _"Nothing I guess. Look, I'm going to be honest with you. Kurt told me that I needed to talk to you and fix things otherwise he was going to move out of the loft and we all know that I can't afford to finance that place on my own"_

Finn abruptly stands up and looks at her angrily _"So you're only here on blackmail charges?"_

"_When you say it like that it sounds so awful"_

But isn't it exactly what it is though, awful. She wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Kurt and he knows that _"But isn't it the truth Rachel? If Kurt hadn't blackmailed you into coming you wouldn't be here right now, right?"_

The minute those words register with her she remembers why she didn't want to come and talk to him in the first place _"No, and this right here is exactly the reason __**why**__ I wouldn't"_

"_Excuse me?"_

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down she says _"Finn, all we seem to do when we talk is fight and I'm sick of it. I love you; I don't want to fight with you"_

"_Don't you think there's a reason as to why we can't seem to hold a normal conversation, Rachel?"_

This should be good, Finn analyzing the situation _"Well enlighten me Finn, what do you think that reason would be?"_

"_There are a lot of unresolved feelings between us and I for one don't know how to handle them and I get defensive when I don't know what to say or do, you should know that by now"_

She does know that. And deep down she knows that as much as she wishes it wasn't true he's telling the truth. They're both suppressing so many emotions when they're together that they only thing they seem to do is fight _"But what are we supposed to do about it? I don't want to fight every time we talk and I don't want to keep you from coming to the loft or see Kurt. He's your brother Finn, he loves you"_

Finn gives her a little smile and takes her hand before uttering the game chancing words _"I know that but I can't seem to be around you with either wanting to kill you or rip your clothes of and have my way with you"_

"_Wow"_

She sees him turn his head right after he says that _"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that"_

"_What happened to the whole being friends' thing?" _It's not that she isn't happy with him finally admitting what he's feeling but she needs to know where it leaves them

"_We should have known we would suck at that. I can't just be your friend Rachel. I love you too much to only be a friend to you"_

MMMMMMM

"_I love you too, Finn. You know that"_ she looks deeply into his eyes for the first time since the conversation started and she can see all the love inside of his deep brown marbles looking back at her and it's right then and there that she knows that they're both just idiots. Before she can talk herself out of it she takes Finn's face between her hands and she kisses him roughly on the mouth. When she pulls back she takes another look into his eyes and he's already pushing her down into the couch before she can say another word.

He sends her a lop-sided grin before moving his hands to her hair and attacking his lips with his, reveling in her taste. She tugs at his shirt attempting to get it of him quickly and he separates from her long enough to help her get it off. A sense of boldness rushes through her and she pushes him off her, rolling them over and placing herself on top of him. Her eyes are still locked on his when he peals of her sweater revealing her pink lace bra, and he smiles and licks his lips.

"_You are so beautiful"_ he mumbles, taking her in, running his hands along her soft skin towards her breasts. With one swift motion he peals of her bra and her breast spring free. She closes her eyes when she feels his hands on her breast and a quiet moan escapes her mouth. Sitting up he pulls her closer so that his mouth can explore every other inch of her body.

She moans again, running her fingers through his hair, pulling his face closer to encourage him. He leaves a trail of wet kisses all the way up to her lips as his hands travel down to her panties, slipping inside them and squeezing her perfect round butt. She grinds her hips against his, telling him that she's enjoying it.

Knowing exactly what she wants, he pulls her closer, rolling them over again and hovering above her. She's giggling underneath him when he ever so slowly pulls of her panties and tosses them across the room. She doesn't hesitate in pushing herself up a little, hooking her fingers in his boxers and pulling them down in one swift motion.

_"Love me, Finn"_ she whispers, begging him to make love to her. She gasps when he enters her slowly, easily filling her mind, body and soul. This is how it's supposed to feel when you love somebody. Her whole body feels like it's on fire. She feels like they were made for each other and only each other, that he was born to love her and she was born solemnly to love him. Digging her nails in his back he lets out a quiet moan while she pulls him further inside. His lips finds her again and their tongues dual in a fight for dominance. Finn just looks at her and whispers in her ear _"I love you"_ She can't find the power to say it back, but she knows she doesn't have to, her eyes tell him everything he needs to know.

They pant and moan in unison, their breathing becoming more irregular, and their movements more frantic. Rachel kisses up his collar bone and he rests his neck on her shoulder. This intimate moment offers them the contact they both so desperately want and need, allowing every inch of their skin to remain in contact as they move together.

She feels her whole body tingle when he bites her collar bone, she throws her legs around his butt and urges him to go faster. Smiling at her he happily obliges and starts pounding into her frantically  
_"I'm so close Finn" _she whispers and he slips his hand between them. He knows exactly where to push and rub his fingers to get her over the edge. She cries out almost immediately, her muscles clenching around him, triggering his own release.

When he tries to pull away from her she snakes her arms around his neck and pulls him down on top of her. He tries to keep as much of his body weight of her but she just pulls him even closer. In the end he just turns them over so that she's on top and she rests her hand on his chest while he places kisses all over her face and drops one last of them on her hair_ "Wow, that was amazing" _she gives him one of her famous satisfied smiles and he just looks at her. Her hair is all sticky, her whole body is sweaty and her lips are swollen from the fair amount of kissing they did but he has never seen her more beautiful than she is now. Sometimes he wonders if it's healthy to be this in love with a person _"Indeed it was, indeed it was"_

_MMMMMM_

After a couple of blissful silent minutes Rachel lifts her head up and looks at a peacefully looking Finn _"Finn?"_

He was pretty much half asleep with the amount of massaging Rachel was doing with his hair but her voice brings him back_ "Yes, Rach"_

Not knowing how to really bring this up right now she just asks the one thing that's been on her mind since all this started _"Where does this leave us?"_

Finn opens his eyes, brings his hands to her sides and engulfs her in a hug, squeezing her to him  
_"I think that this might be the universe's way to tell us to give it one last try"_

She can't help the wide smile that spreads across her face and she kisses him firmly on the mouth  
_"You think so?"_

Finn just nods and gives her a kiss on each cheek _"I know so"_

Resting her head back into the crook of his neck she breathes him in and bites and sucks in his neck leaving a clear mark _"I love you Finn Hudson"_

He has to chuckle and squeezes her butt _"I love you too Rachel Berry"_

"_Always and forever?" _

He's already pushing her off him a little so that he can flip them over again _"Always and forever, until my last dying breath"_

Before things can heat up again her phone starts blasting out a rendition of a Celine Dion song and when she sees Kurt's name flash on the screen she turns her attention to Finn _"Can I tell him you'll be moving back in?" _

"_No"_

She wants to climb off him but his arms are around her body trapping her, leaving her no place to go _"Wait, what?"_

Finn knows that this is a conversation they need to have but he's not about to go into it now with Kurt waiting on the other end of the line _"Just answer the phone, tell him you're busy and that you'll call him back"_

She looks at him panicked and he kisses her and whispers that everything is fine and that she just needs to tell Kurt to call her back _"Okay"_

When she finishes the conversation with Kurt she pushes her hands on his chest signaling him to let her go. He reluctantly opens his arms and lets herself wiggly out of his grip; she lifts herself up from the couch and position herself on his lap _"Are you going to tell me why you're not willing to move back in?"_

"_First of all, we haven't been together for more than a minute and you're already asking me to move back. Second of all, I really like it here and I think our relationship could benefit from not living under the same roof"_

Maybe he has a point but that doesn't mean she has to like it, right? She would have loved to live with Finn and Kurt under the same roof _"Are you sure?"_

"_Think about it Rach, we wouldn't be able to do what we just did with Kurt only a door away. It would be nice to have some more privacy right?"_

When he says it like that she knows he definitely has a point but she's still not too happy about it  
_"I guess so"_

Sensing her fear he pulls her back towards him and kisses her shoulder and starts placing kisses all over her back _"Rachel I love you, and it's not that I don't ever want to live with you again but I think this is the best option right now"_

She feels herself becoming weak again; he knows how to get her to shut up _"If you say so"_

"_I do"_

Before she lets herself get dragged back into this blissful state she was in a minute ago she has to ask one last question _"But what am I supposed to tell Kurt?"_

"_Can we think about that later?"_

Rachel turns around from his grip giving him a full view of her perfect naked body. She gives him a devilish smile when she sees him checking her out and his penis erects again _"Why?" _

"_I have other plans on my mind as what we could do with our time right now"_

"_Oh, like what?" _she asks innocently and she has to stifle a laugh when she feels his erection press on her leg

"_Like this"_ he says before he picks her ups, throws her over his shoulder, runs into the bedroom and throws her on the bed.

She holds on to his shoulder which makes him fall on top of her and she starts kissing all up his torso.

"_I like the way you think mister" _She manages to get out before his mouth attacks hers again and they give themselves over in the pleasure of pleasing the other

When they're lying in bed, tangled limbs covered with sweat she knows this is the happiest she's been in a long time and it's all thanks to Finn. That boy has the ability to either make her life a living hell or to create paradise on earth. One thing she knows for sure, this time she's never going to let him go

* * *

**There you have it, the last chapter. Only an epilogue left. You didn't really think that I wouldn't bring Rachel/Finn back into a happy state now would you? The epilogue will be up some time next week and then I'll let you know about my other story ideas.**

**Reviews are love!**


	20. Epilogue

**So, here we are at the end of this story. It's been a 'rocky' road but a 'fun' journey for me to write. A new story is already in the works but I don't want to start 'really' writing it until I've finished my Stelena story because I want to start focusing on one story at a time to make the absolute most of it. If you're only here to read my Finchel stories then I'm sorry to make you wait but it's better this way. I have so many ideas and the next story isn't going to be all fluff and easy going either, it's going to be a heavy story (no character death though but other 'heavy' stuff going on) and I want to put my sole focus on the story because that's what it deserves. If you follow me on tumblr you will know when I'll start posting my new Finchel story but it's really going to be a while because my other story has a couple more chapters in them. Okay, without further ado, I give you the epilogue. Read, enjoy & review! **

* * *

5 years later

"_Finn, have you seen my curling iron?" _Rachel calls out from the bathroom and he has to stifle a laugh because that's just so typical Rachel. Ever since they bought a place of their own three years ago she keeps losing stuff and he keeps bringing it back to her. That's just the way this relationship works and he wouldn't want it any other way

_"Here you go, sweety" _he says walking into the bathroom with the curling iron in his hand. He has to swallow when he sees her standing there naked in all her glory. He still can't believe he got so lucky as to call Rachel Berry his girlfriend.

When they got back together five years ago he never imagined being in the position he is in now.  
Rachel graduated NYADA at the top of her class and is now one of broadways up and coming shining stars and he's an elementary school teacher to a very nice class of hyper seven year olds who adore him. He never thought that teaching would turn out to be his passion but he's been doing it for two years now and he couldn't think of a better job for him. If he thinks about his life he knows they're only actually two things missing from it and he plans to make an effort to at least scratch one of that list.

"_You are amazing, Rach. You are going to do just fine" _

She tilts her head to the side when he starts peppering her neck with kisses and she sighs contently  
_"You think so?"_

"_I know so. Just be yourself, they'll love you"_

"_Thank you Finn"_ she says while turning around in his arms and giving him a quick kiss on his lips. He tries to prop her mouth open with his tongue and when she obliges he snakes his tongue inside and starts dueling with hers. After a couple minutes of heated make out Rachel pushes on Finn's chest signaling him to stop _"I have to get ready or I'll be late"_

Normally he would be disappointed with the abrupt ending of their kissing but this time he doesn't mind. He knows she's extremely nervous about this audition she's got today. It's the one role she has wanted to play her entire life, Fanny Brice in Funny Girl and he knows she's going to knock them out of the park, he just wishes she would believe it too _"Sure thing"_

She smiles at him before walking past him into their bedroom _"I love you"_

Taking her arms and pulling her body flush against his, he kisses her one last time, urgently and firmly _"Love you too babe"_

* * *

He got Kurt to help him with dinner because as much as he wishes he was he still isn't the best cook in the world. Then again neither is Rachel so they usually just eat take out or make something rather easy. But if he wants this night to be special he's going to pull out all the stops and that's why he asked his brother to help him. Thankfully Kurt still lives in New York and only a few blocks away from their apartment. He's been living with his long term boyfriend Jeffrey who he met while interning at Vogue and he works as a costume designer for different Broadway shows. They're currently in the process of hiring him for Funny Girl so if everything works out Kurt and Rachel are going to be working together. It took Kurt a little while to realize that he wasn't as passionate about actually performing on Broadway, not like Rachel anyway and when he found out that he could make money by combining his two passions he was quick to jump on board.

"_So what are we making today, Finn?" _Kurt's standing in the kitchen with this hideous apron on that he thankfully brought himself because if Finn knew that Rachel had one of those he would have tossed it out, burned it and thrown the ashes in the dumpster behind their building

"_I have vegan cupcakes for desert, I was thinking that broccoli soup she likes so much as an entree and then the main dish something like a spinach quiche?" _He knows that he could have never get this done without Kurt's help so he's grateful his brother offered to help when he told him what he was planning on doing

Kurt just looks at him and gives hem one of his biggest smiles while patting him on the back  
_"You are going all out my brother aren't you?"_

"_It's a special night for a very special girl Kurt, off course I'm going all out"_

He turns his head towards Kurt when he becomes silent all of sudden and he can see a little bit of apprehension on his face _"Are you sure about this?"_

Finn just gives him his famous lop-sided grin _"I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life"_

"_Well, let's do this then"_

* * *

Kurt left just as soon as dinner was ready and he hasn't heard from Rachel the entire day and somehow he's a little worried. Normally she would call him the minute an audition was over but maybe this was a good thing. He didn't want to get his hopes up but Rachel starring in Funny Girl would give her career the boost she really deserves. She's been praised as Broadway's upcoming star this season and she's been looking for something to live up to that title.

He hears the front door open and he rushes towards the door anxiously _"and?"_

Rachel almost drops her bags from shock and she gives him a shy smile _"I uh- It went pretty well I guess"_

"_What do you mean?"_

He can tell by the way she's avoiding eye contact that she's not telling him the truth and he takes her hands in his and squeezes them. That encourages her to let it all out _"I didn't go to the audition"_

Finn just looks at her confused _"Why not?"_

"_Can we talk about that later, I'm exhausted and hungry" _

She's already walking towards the kitchen and he decides that it's best to just let it go for now. He doesn't want to get into a fight when he did his best to make this night as special as possible  
_"Okay, I made us dinner. Follow me"_

Rachel turns around towards him when she enters the kitchen and sees the candlelit dinner that's waiting for them _"Finn, what is all this?"_

He pulls out her chair and tells her to sit down _"Just a nice diner for my favorite girl"_

She's looking at all the nice food on the table and she pulls him down by his collar and kisses him firmly on the mouth _"You didn't have to do that"_

"_Kurt helped" _The minute those words leave his mouth he regrets them. He's pretty sure she's going to put two and two together now and he doesn't know where to look when she gives him a stern look and a small smile _"Why would Kurt help make dinner? Finn what's going on?"_

"_Nothing, just sit down and enjoy"_

* * *

He's taking away the plates from the main course when she decides to speak up again _"So, are you going to tell me why you made this lovely dinner?"_

Not saying a word he just takes one of the vegan cupcakes and places it in front of her _"In a minute, first I need you to taste desert"_

She pats her stomach and gives him a pout _"Finn, I'm pretty full actually"_

Needing her to take a bite from that cupcake he urges her _"Just one cupcake, Rach"_

"_Fine, just one"_

Taking a bite from the cupcake she can feel something hard hit her teeth _"What the heck is this?"_

She puts the cupcake down and takes the object out of her mouth and when she sees the diamond ring sparkling back at her she silently squeals inside _"Oh my god"_

Before she can even process what's happening Finn is already by her side on one knee taking the ring from her _"Rachel Barbra Berry, you are the love of my life, my soul mate, my partner, my princes, my all.  
Would you do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife?"_

Clasping her hands for her mouth she drinks in the sight in front of her and lets his words register in her mind before standing up, jumping up and down, squealing loudly and throwing herself in his arms  
_"Yes, yes, a million times yes"_

Finn puts the ring on her finger and marvels at the sight of it on her ring finger. It's like the ring was made just for her and he's grateful he chose this one. It's a little bigger, flashier and more expensive than the one he gave her in high school and although he knows Rachel wouldn't care how much money the ring cost he figured that since they were now adults with real paychecks and a little more money to spend that he would give his bride to be one of the best rings out there _"You just made me the happiest man on the planet"_

Rachel has to look away from him shyly because she knows that this might probably be **the **best time to tell him the news she's been holding in for the past few weeks _"Are you sure about that?"_

"_What do you mean?"_

She can tell he's confused and not sure what to think about it but she knows that this surprise is a good one _"Remember I told you I didn't go to that audition today?"_

He nods his head _"Yes"_

Taking a deep breath she takes his hands and rubs her thumbs over them _"There's a reason why I didn't go"_

"_And that is?"_

"_What did I always say would be the only logical reason for me to postpone my Broadway dream or put it on hold?"_

He seems to be thinking about the answer _"You said that the only way you'll ever give up Broadway temporarily is if we decided to start a family"_

Smiling at him she nods _"True"_

He jumps up and places his hands on either side of her shoulders _"Are you saying you want to start trying?"_

Giving him another smile she has to laugh because of his enthusiasm and innocence. Finn isn't one to catch on to things from the get go but that's one of the things she loves about him _"No"_

"_Huh? I don't understand"_

She takes his hands, places them on her stomach, gives him the biggest smile possible and says_  
"I'm saying we don't need to __**start **__trying because I'm already pregnant baby"_

When she sees the realization hit him she can't help but smile when he engulfs her in one of his famous bear hugs. She just loves him so much.

* * *

"_How's my little niece doing?" _ Finn told Kurt about the baby the minute he got the chance because he knows that he would be excited. Kurt's been bugging them for a little godchild ever since they got back together. He's been pretty convinced it's going to be a girl

Rachel groans from her seat in the living room _"Kurt, we don't know the sex of the baby yet"_

Kurt just smiles his devilish smile at her and shrugs his shoulders _"Oh trust me, it's a girl"_

Rachel looks at Finn for back up and he knows better to argue with a pregnant woman. She isn't that heavily pregnant yet, just over fifteen weeks but her mood swings are there and the cravings are coming and going as they please_ "I'm fine with either Rach. As long as it's healthy"_

Kurt just huffs at him, knowing exactly why he says that _"How are you feeling by the way? Morning sickness?"_

Rachel holds her stomach and pretends to puke _"Yes, it still hasn't gone away unfortunately. I can't seem to keep anything down these days"_

"_Good it means that the baby is healthy"_

Knowing that this is his queue to leave he takes his school bag and gives Rachel a peck on her lips  
_"Rach, I'm going to pick up some stuff at school can I get you something on my way back?"_

"_No baby, I'm fine"_

He knows that she's saying that now but knowing her it can change the minute he walks out the door but then again he read somewhere that that's supposed to be a common thing with pregnant women _"Bye Finn" _Kurt says before he hugs his brother

"_Bye bro. Take care of my fiance for me while I'm out will you?"_

"_Sure thing"_

* * *

He's walking back home when his phone starts ringing and he knows without even looking that it's Rachel _"Hi babe, what's up?"_

"_Can you please pick up some pickles and peanut butter?"_

He should have known that he wouldn't just go from school back home _"But, I'm like one block away from home"_

He's imagining her pouting face on the other end of the line when he hears a silent _"Please?"_

"_Rach, I asked you if you needed something when I left and you said no"_

Hearing the huff on the other end of the line he knows that it's best not to argue with her if he wants to live when he gets back home _"Well, I didn't need anything then but I do now. Please Finn" _

He doesn't say anything for a little while and when he hears the _"Pretty please with me on top?" _he has to smile. She always knows what to say to get him to do what she wants and he wouldn't want it any other way.

"_Fine, I'll run back to the store"_

"_I love you, Finn. You are the best"_

_"I know. Love you too"_

* * *

When she lays resting with her head in his lap munching on the pickles with peanut butter an hour later she thinks about how lucky she actually is. Thinking back to that first day she saw him in New York now seven years ago, she never thought that this was how they were going to end up. Then again, life always throws you curve balls and gives you things when you least expect them.

"_What are you thinking about, babe?" _ Finn's voice startles her out of her thoughts and she smiles up at him and he places a loving kiss on her forehead

"_How lucky I am to have you in my life" _she smiles at him and props her body up towards him to look him into the eyes of the man she so deeply loves.

"_I'm the lucky one here. I get you as my wife and you're giving me the one thing I always wanted with you, a family. Thank you Rachel, for everything"_ His amber eyes bore into her, looking straight into her soul. She feels her hear tingle and she has to think about all those years ago when they said their very first I love you's. She smiles thinking back to that day at regionals _"I'm forever yours"_

Finn hugs her tight and kisses her with all the passion he has inside of him _"Faithfully"_

And she knows that's true. They have overcome so many obstacles threatening to tear them apart but in the end it only made them that much stronger.  
She once thought that she wanted a love that was like the ocean, big and wide but she doesn't.  
Maybe Finn isn't the ocean but she realized a long time ago that she doesn't need an ocean, she needs a harbor. In the end she knows that ships either come back to the harbor or sink in the ocean and if she had to choose she would always return to her anchor, her savior, her harbor, her one and only Finn!

* * *

**And here is where it ends. I wanted to leave an 'open' ending with them being happy and ready to get married and starting their own little family. You can determent for yourself if the baby is going to be a boy or a girl and what the future has in store for them. I thought that was a nice way to end things. Let me know what you think and I hope to meet you all again for my next story.**

**Til next time**

**Xx**


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